National Theatre Live: The Comedy of Errors Page #3

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This whole area

is the next place where people

are going to be hanging out,

and you got to get some people

in here so they don't

feel so intimidated.

Mm.

But I love it though;

It's like a good f***ing bar.

It's, like, good

energy and everything.

Good location.

Where you from?

I'm in williamsburg, you know?

So, represent.

Represent what?

What?

I'm representing

williamsburg, bro!

You got to respect where I

come from, because I respect

where you come from.

Come on.

You know where we come from?

You come from "the hood."

Right?

I know.

I'm cool.

I'm with you guys.

I'm on your side.

I'm just hanging out. I'm

just trying to explore.

I'm trying to get out

of my comfort zone,

trying to be cool and hang out

with cool guys like you dudes.

This is about respecting

this block, 'cause I get it.

I understand that you guys are...

You know, work hard or,

you know, have a lot of history.

For real, man.

I don't mean to be

disrespectful, but you guys look

like you could be tough guys.

You guys are, like, tough guys.

What a tough guy look like?

Like a black guy.

Oh, wow!

That's a stereotype now, Jack.

Hey, you can f***ing...

You stereotype me.

You f***ing look at me and think...

you make all sorts of

Well, what, you a

yuppie or something?

Yeah, 'cause I got

f***ing money.

Because, you know, I come from...

You got money?

Yeah. Yeah?

How much money you got?

Right now, 20 bucks.

So you're sh*t out of luck.

You can't f***ing stab me.

You can't f***ing stab me!

We got some credit

cards over here, man.

Where are your f***ing

b*tches, though, man?

You got to f***ing pay for 'em

in this part of town, right?

I want some black ass.

I want to f*** some

f***ing black ass.

B-I-g.

We all hanging out

we all hanging on the block

checking out the b*tches

b*tch, a b*tch

Now I'm trying to be honest with

you, and you all up in my grill.

Up in your grill!

Bet you listen to radio too much, huh, Jack?

Well...

We could get Tony to come in and

cut like a dog... cat door...

Pet door here and put

a sign on that says,

"techno... techno

night, $25 bucks."

Lock it up at 4:
00 A.M.

Then we do the controlled

demolition, and then you sell

all the techno idiots as

scrap meat to the renderer.

I've had dishwashing

jobs in the past.

You have?

Yes.

And you show up to work on time,

and you do your job properly,

and you scrub hard and all that?

Absolutely. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I have Tuesday, Wednesday,

and Saturday lunch shifts.

Okay, yeah, that would be...

That'd work for me.

And how much are you

looking to get paid?

I don't know what the rate is.

I guess, like, $10 an hour?

- $7.25.

- Okay, that's good.

That's fine.

Yeah, 10... How old are you?

I'm 35.

I'll take a little hit.

Just a touch.

Just tell me when.

You tell me when, okay? Just

pour it like a regular man.

I'm not a regular man.

I can't do it that way.

Just f*** it.

I'll just have champagne.

But speaking of American terrorists,

I was just reading this thing

about Timothy McVeigh. Apparently,

and I didn't know this,

but I was reading this, apparently,

that building had it coming.

He said, "it deserved it."

That building was a

f***ing a**hole.

I read that, too.

Cargill has to wait 30

seconds before he makes

any comment on any subject

or any conversation piece.

So that you have... There is

some kind of a clearance period;

A decontamination zone

for your thoughts.

Also, go... you could

also do the rules of ten.

Every tenth thought comes out.

You know what I mean?

You got a thought, you're like,

"okay, that's one, save it."

Store it. "Two."

Maybe destroy it.

Up to ten.

Comment, wait for a pause.

Yeah, let's try it out.

I think we are in the

process of trying it out.

I think you have no

concept of time.

I bet if you... Somebody

with a timer checked...

You have an hourglass

in your pocket?

What do you think ten

seconds feels like?

You tell me when ten seconds is up.

Ready?

Hold on.

I bet it's gonna

be three seconds.

Ready?

No overestimating.

That's cheating.

Ready? Go.

No, I'm not ready.

I prefer if we started again,

because I wasn't ready.

Ask me if I'm ready, and

then I'll say, "yes,"

and then you start. All

right, are you ready?

Yes.

Here we go. Start.

And the world

you've taken

there's no way

Yo!

Hey, put on some hip-hop.

I'm sorry, guys,

the radio's broke.

No music today.

No, no.

I am sorry.

Radio, and then the hip-hop.

Why don't you f***ers have

satellite radio in this cab?

You pay so much f***ing

money for these cabs.

You should have the option to

listen to whatever kind

of music you want.

Hip-hop.

Hip-hop.

We make ya... Boom,

cat, cat, ca-gung, cat

boom, cat, cat, ca-gung, cat

boom, hip, hip-hip-hip-hop

give me some hip-hip-hop

give me some hip-hip-hop

give me some hip-hip-hop

I want some taxi hip-hop

some black music

black music

Hey!

I don't have... I do not have a car

radio, because I am just a boy.

You're just a wooden boy.

Maybe you know

this hip-hop song.

You'll get a no-no tip

you're gonna get a no-no tip

Shut up!

You're gonna get a no-no tip

you're gonna get

you're gonna get a no-no tip

you're gonna get a no-no tip

you're gonna get a no-no tip

you're gonna get a no-no tip

you're gonna get a no-no tip

you're gonna get

a no-no tip

you're gonna get a no-no tip

'cause you got no radio

gonna get a no-no tip

'cause you got no radio

you're gonna get a no-no tip

'cause you got to get a radio

and you got to get a radio

you got no radio

ain't got no radio

you got no radio

it's what we deserve

you got to get the satellite

so that people can listen

to what they want

you got to get the satellite

Take a magic stick.

Light it up.

Think about God. Think

about your family.

I love you, my Christ.

I love you, my Christ.

I'm gonna take somebody else's

prayer, because I don't have... Aww.

I feel like if you steal...

This counts as stealing.

It's beautiful.

Let's do it together.

Can... dude, will you

take a picture of me?

Oh, yeah. I'm a huge fan.

Ready? One, two, three.

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry...

We're almost done.

Thank you, dude.

All four points and a swirl.

I think that's just

too much scent.

Ahh

ahh, ahh

That's nice.

That's nice tone.

That's perfect tone.

Perfect volume.

You are in the demon's house.

I love that kind of music.

Nice.

This is the noisy one.

Ow.

Shh.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

You can do it.

You can do it.

Yes.

Eyes to their opposites

lawyers impress

it's gonna play wrong

now sitting happily

sitting so happily

Is this your cab?

Oh, oh, no.

No, sir.

I rent it... a lease.

Uh-huh.

I bet you get a lot of

a**holes in this cab, huh?

Huh?

A lot of people puke back here?

This... you keep it clean, though.

I respect that.

Yeah, because a lot of you f***ers

don't keep your cabs clean.

No res... no dis... no disrespect.

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