Nativity Page #9

(We're boxing clever

(Together forever

(And always home

(Together forever

(And always...

(Always, always

(Home! (

(Cheering and applause)

(Applause fades)

OK, mate, it's your big moment.

Don't look down.

(Thunderclap)

(Screams)

(OK, people, hear the news

l've got something to yell about

(OK, people, forget the blues

Here's something to feel swell about

(Good news, click your fingers

Good news, stamp your feet

(Good news always lingers

(Good news, feel the beat

(Good news, wakey-wakey

Good news, shake your ass

(Good news, shakey, shakey!

Good news, mission mass!

(Good news!

(Hey, little sister, hear the word

(There ain't no need for a big stork bird

(Time to holler, time to dance...

Ooh!

(You're gonna need some bigger pants

(Good news! Good news!

(Yeah, good news

(Good news, yeah!

(Your belly's growing

You get the idea...

- Mr Maddens?

- Yes, darling?

l have a tummy ache,

l don't think l can go on.

- Have you tried taking deep breaths?

- Yeah.

- Tried taking your hat off, for once?

- Mm-hm.

- Alfie, you're just gonna have to do it.

- What?

- Can you go on in Sam's place, please?

- No way.

- Why?

- Because that's a girl's costume.

You already look like Barbarella. Go in

there and get dressed. Thank you, Sam.

(Applause)

(Applause and cheering)

Mary and Joseph were told they had

to travel to Bethlehem to be counted

because of the nasty, mean King Herod.

- (Gordon) Stop, everyone!

- Mary had to run...

Stop! You shut up!

Stop! Stop, everyone!

That will do. OK. That's the end! Stop!

- l'll have that, please. Give me that.

- (Jeering)

Right, my name's Gordon Shakespeare.

You thought you were here to see

Hollywood. You're here to meet them.

Not to see this substandard chav fest!

lt falls upon me to tell you that

no one was coming from Hollywood!

No one was coming and nobody will!

That man is a sham!

As if Hollywood

would come to Coventry! No!

Look at him. He's a dishonest person.

He lied.

What is it?

lt's a star.

(Whirring)

lt's Hollywood!

Ladies and gentlemen,

may l please introduce to you

the star of Bethlehem

and her sparkling sparklers!

(Ooh, ooh

(Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ah

(Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh...

OK, everybody, clap your hands. l'm

a superstar and l'm coming out tonight.

(l've had a little makeover

And l'm all dressed up tonight

(A cheeky drink, a naughty wink

(We'll loosen up all right

(Stand back and put your shades on

(Because l'm about to shine

(My blinding light will thrill you

(Cos there's no starlight like mine

(Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh

(Sparkle and shine

(Planets gather round

(Sparkle and shine

(Let's all make a dazzling sound

(Here's something you won't believe

(lt's the first time ever, Christmas Eve

(l've got my light within me

And it's coming out for you

(l'm dizzy with self-confidence

Hope you can feel it too

(l'm lighting up the skies tonight

(So come on, join the party

(Make the moment last all night

(And keep the skies all starry...

Oli! Oli! Your mum's here.

l just saw her. She's right at the back.

So, when you do your rap, just look

for her and give it your everything.

- And the donkey's freaking out.

- Sorry?

l didn't have any mints so l gave it

chocolate. lt's feeling icky.

- You gave it chocolate?

- Yeah, l've got to do narration.

(Here's something you won't believe

(lt's the first time ever

Christmas Eve...

(Applause)

The four kings saw the beautiful

shining star rising from the east side.

They thought she looked... Rrrr!

So they decided to follow her.

One time.

Come on. Come on.

- Two times, come on.

- (Shining down the light

- (Peace to the star

- (Shining down the light

(What a moment when l saw her first

(She stole my heart

(So it's about to burst

(l'm the guy she twinkles for, je t'adore

(Cos she's blinding me with love

(She's my saviour from above

(She's the brightest star l've ever seen

(Brightest star

(lt's like we're living

ln some kind of dream

(lt's like some kind of dream

(Why do l feel overcome

With hope and joy?

(Because she's shining down her light

(And she's going to be my girl

And me her boy

(l'm feeling like l've got to follow her

(With frankincense

And lots of gold and myrrh...

Excuse me.

(She is going to lead the way

To Christmas day

(Hallelujah feeling good

(Time to leave this neighbourhood...

Hello, Mr Maddens.

You weren't coming.

l know.

(She's my shining star from above

(She twinkles and she sprinkles

And l want to be her love

(l want to squeeze her, please her

Share a slice of pizza

(Extra spicy!

(She makes me hot under the collar

And fizzy deep inside

(l wish l could lasso her

And take her for a ride

(She's tiny, she's shiny

She sparkles in the night

(l love her and l need her

To guide me through the night! Word! (

(Cheering)

Eventually, Mary and Jo-Jo found an

innkeeper what was nicerer. He said...

You can use my stable. At least it's dry.

- Yeah, man. Huh!

- (Laughter)

They asked the animals if they could

nestle down to pop out the baby Jesus.

(Whinnying)

The donkey said nay, but the other

animals said it was all right.

And everyone what was anyone

gathered round to witness...

(Explosions and screaming)

Buddy, what happened?

Well, l put that plug in

and it all exploded.

Don't worry, l'll take care of it. You've

got to get on stage. Headphones off.

Shh, l'm going to give you all a candle.

We've got these candles here.

As soon as you've got one, just make

your way out onto the stage, OK?

Everyone, this is Jennifer, who

you all heard about, from Hollywood.

- Hello. Hi.

- Give out the candle.

(Sometimes life is not all it can be

(And here we are

(Wondering just how far

This road can lead

(And here we are

(Then from the darkness

Shines a bright burning star

(And who we are

ls changing within our hearts

- (One night

- (One night

(One moment

And everything's changed

(One night, one moment

(And everything's changed

(One night, one moment

(Tonight is so pure and so special

(We'll never feel lonely again

(Cos we are all standing together

(As friends

(Ooh, ooh, ooh

(And everything's changing forever

(One night, one moment...

(Laughter and applause)

Yes!

Come on, everybody! Clap your hands!

We're gonna tear the roof off this place!

Let's rock and roll!

Bob! Bob!

- Wig out! Yeah!

- (Cheering)

Alice, best back flips ever!

(Cheering)

Oli!

Edward, best fluffercuff!

- (Squelching)

- TJ, throw some shapes!

(Cheering)

- Best burp ever!

- (Burps)

We've got a special guest

from Oakmoor!

Thomas, joined by Becky. Boogie!

Rock and roll!

Yeah!

Mr Maddens, come up!

Come on!

Bring Jennifer with you, come on!

(Cheering)

Miss Rye! l love you!

Critic man, come up and boogie!

lt doesn't matter

how many stars you give it!

Gordon, come up.

- No, Gordon! Gordon!

- (Cheering)

(Cheering)

(Sparkle and shine

(Planets gather round

(Sparkle and shine

(Let's all make a dazzling sound

(Here's something you won't believe

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