Never Been Kissed Page #19

JIMMY:

Freak.

INT. JOSIE'S APARTMENT - LATER

Josie is on the phone, and is in the process of finishing

an entire pie.

JOSIE:

I'm telling you, Rob! I think I

did it! I'm totally in! I was soo

cool tonight! You'd be so--

(staring at fork)

You know what's a weird word? Fork.

(then)

Wait! Wait! Did I tell you about

my new friends? I made friends

with a whole table of Rastafarians!

Not one, a whole table!

(noting empty pie

plate, suddenly

serious)

Oh. My. God. Someone ate my entire

pie.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. JOSIE'S APARTMENT - NEXT MORNING

Josie is asleep where we left her, her head on her hand,

empty pie plate nearby.

She wakes, picks her head up. Looks down at her hand, the

DELLOSER stamp is faint. CLOSE UP ON her forehead. There

in block letters backwards is "LOSER".

She looks up at the clock, which reads: 8:30. She's late.

Very late. She grabs her book bag and her keys, and races

out.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - MORNING

Josie strides confidently down the hallway, LOSER

prominently on her forehead. She sees Guy and his Group.

JOSIE:

Hi Guy. Guys. Guy's Guys.

They stare, then snicker.

GUY:

Hi loser.

The group laughs and joins in, saying "Hey Loser." Josie's

face registers confusion.

JOSIE-CAM POV:

We move slowly down the packed hallway, the CAMERA shifting

nervously amidst a sea of laughing kids. The LAUGHTER starts

to ECHO.

Josie starts to walk quickly, then run, through the gauntlet

of' laughing and pointing kids.

INT. GEORGE'S VAN - CONTINUOUS

WE HEAR THE LAUGHING, the JOSIE CAM JERKS frantically from

KID to KID.

GEORGE:

This can not be good--

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

JOSIE CAM P.O.V. WE HEAR Josie BREATHING HEAVILY as she

runs past KIDS who all stare or LAUGH. She makes it to the

Girls Room, pushes open the door.

INT. GIRLS' BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Josie goes to the sink, splashes water on her face.

INT. GEORGE'S VAN CONTINUOS

George watches the monitor, HANDS splash water. A HAND

grabs a paper towel. George can now see Josie reflected in

the bathroom mirror. He sees the "LOSER" stamp on her

forehead.

GEORGE:

Oh man. Look up, girl. C'mon, Look

up--

INT. GIRLS' BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Josie wipes her mouth. Throws the towel away. Goes to exit--

INT. GEORGE'S VAN - CONTINUOUS

George is now apoplectic.

GEORGE:

LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Josie pauses, goes back to the mirror. She looks up. Sees

the stamp. Her hand goes to her mouth in horror. She runs

into a stall.

JOSIE CAM P.O.V.: WE FACE the toilet.

INT. GEORGE'S VAN - CONTINUOUS

George looks at the monitor in amazement.

INT. GUS'S OFFICE - DAY

A Group is watching Gus's TV, including Burns (the hair

plug man) AND HOWARD (arm casts). They are slack-jawed in

shock. WE HEAR O.S. the SOUNDS of Josie VOMITING. Gus shakes

his head sadly.

GUS:

It's like the All-Humiliation

Network.

They all nod in agreement.

INT. GIRLS' BATHROOM - MINUTES LATER

Josie is in the fetal position on the floor of a stall.

INT. DEN - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

The den of Josie's parents' home. Josie is decked out.

She's wearing a pretty hideous metallic pink dress, matching

gloves, bag, shoes. She's shining her braces, using the

T.V. screen as a mirror. The PHONE RINGS. Josie grabs it.

JOSIE:

(into phone)

Hey, Billy. I'm ready. Sure, I can

just wait for you on the front

porch. See you in a -uhh- jiffer.

She hangs up. Sixteen year old Rob, very cute and buff,

enters. His pretty GIRLFRIEND is on his arm.

GIRLFRIEND:

(mouthing to Rob)

Jiffer?

Rob just shrugs.

EXT. JOSIE'S FRONT PORCH NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Josie, in all her prom splendor, waits out on the front

porch for her date.

She sees a LONG, BLACK LIMO turn the corner, headed for

the house. She's hopping up and down with excitement. She

checks her reflection in her compact, and then watches the

limo approach.

The sunroof of the limo opens and Billy Prince, the Adonis

of the suburbs, stands up, sticking out of the sunroof. He

waves. Josie smiles and waves back.

Then, another figure joins Billy's. It's a GORGEOUS BLONDE

in a slinky dress. She's standing up, sticking out of the

sunroof as well. Josie looks a bit confused, but still

tries to smile. Then, she sees them holding things. LITTLE

THINGS. LITTLE WHITE THINGS.

Before Josie realizes what's going on, her metallic ensemble

is covered in dripping, oozing eggs. One whacks her right

in her trifocals.

BILLY:

(shouting)

Hey, write a poem about this!

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