New York, I Love You

---

- Hey, go to Williamsburg.

- You going to go to...

- Oh, I'm sorry, man.

- Uh, yeah. Sorry.

Going to Williamsburg.

North 6th and Wythe.

Do you mind?

I'll just hang onto you.

Can you just drop me off

at Williamsburg Bridge?

That's fine because I'm headed

into the Bowery. Do you mind?

- All right, that's fine.

- We'll just split a fare.

- Two stops.

- Yeah. Chamber Street.

- Just take the FDR...

- No, no, not FDR Drive.

- Not Chamber Street. No.

- Oh, my God. If you take FDR Drive,

- first of all, it's more of a fare.

- I do this every single day.

It's an extra 20 minutes.

I got to be somewhere.

Take the FDR Drive, please.

It's a lot faster.

I think we can hang down

the West Side Highway

and make a left on Chamber Street.

There's no point, though.

There's going to be...

Bleecker, guys.

We're going Bleecker.

No, we both want

to go to the same area.

Bleecker's going to take an extra hour.

Bleecker Street is totally

out of the direction.

- That's ridiculous.

- Both of you, out of the cab.

Wait a second.

Calm down, man.

We're not going to get out.

We'll share the same rate.

We're not going to Bleecker.

Out of my cab.

[jazz]

[Man]

Hey, sweetheart.

How you doing? It's me.

- I'm doing good. Thinking of you.

- Hey.

Yeah, I dreamt about you last night.

I'm ready for you. Had my Wheaties.

I miss you, too.

You ready?

Okay. I got some surprises.

Whoa. Magnifique.

[Camera flashbulb pops]

[Booth beeps]

Pardon. Excusez-moi, mademoiselle.

[Toilet flushes]

This yours?

Um, it is. It must have

fallen out of my bag.

It was on the floor

near the bathroom.

That was really nice of you.

How can I thank you?

I wouldn't mind

if you bought me a drink.

Great. What would you like?

- Whatever you're having.

- Two gin and tonics, no ice.

Losing your cell phone's

like losing your mind.

Do you come here a lot?

I do. A lot. Too much.

Long story.

Tell me.

I've got a ton of time.

[Clears throat]

I only saw my dad once in my whole life,

right here.

When my mom

was pregnant with me,

she never told him.

Just left him.

Growing up, she had

a lot of boyfriends.

Went through one after another.

Always left them.

Every time she'd leave a man, though,

she'd keep something, like a souvenir.

Maybe a book or a necklace

or a painting.

When she left my dad, she kept me.

I was her souvenir.

Before she died,

she gave me a piece of paper

with his name and number on it.

I called him up, and we met here.

I said one thing to him.

What did you say?

"Dad."

That's it?

"I'm a gift for you, from Mom."

Thank you.

I walk past your flower room every day.

I see you, but I say nothing.

I'm so afraid to look at you. Oh, girl.

You say I'm the strongest.

I say you're the kindest.

You ask me where I'm going.

I point to the ocean.

Oh, girl.

Very touching.

Lyrics to this song.

Let me have a cigarette.

- Indian?

- I think it's Japanese.

- Chinese.

- Chinese?

Xie xie.

[Speaks Chinese]

Increible.

Which means "Thank you,

I f***, and you're off-key."

- [Chuckles]

- He found my phone for me.

Really? Very nice. Thank you.

Gary. Nice to meet you.

Ben.

- How are you, Benjamin?

- Just Ben.

Thank you.

Nice to meet you.

I'll leave you two alone.

Have a seat. Sit.

Sit down.

We know each other?

It's possible.

You look familiar.

New York's not such a big place.

- You study? NYU?

- I wish.

I teach there.

Am I a good teacher?

- You're a good teacher.

- Thank you.

So what do you do?

Thief.

- Could be.

- That is funny.

Might be? Used to be?

Will be?

- To be or not to be.

- Well, I'm a thief.

I've been trying to steal you

from your wife,

but it hasn't worked so far.

Can I get the bill?

You lost your wallet?

You lost your wallet.

Is this yours?

[Laughing]

Wow.

Yeah, that's my wallet.

- Merci beaucoup.

- Money's gone.

I recently lost my wallet,

but I managed

to get my money back.

A young man should never

be without cash.

[Chuckles]

Knock yourself out, young man.

You lost your wallet?

Did you lose my pictures, too?

Pictures? How could I?

How did you get these?

I took these, like, five minutes ago.

Aren't you full of surprises today.

You took off your ring.

Ben, your keys.

Mm.

Ben, wait up!

[Man on speaking device speaking Gujatari]

[Speaks Gujarati]

I've come into the city

only to do this deal,

so it better be good.

My customer wants natts, ASAP.

I'm in the middle

of my wedding arrangements,

but I came here to do

this business with you.

Who are you getting married to?

His name's Chaim.

Chaim in the mood

For love

[snickers]

Where's my invitation

for your wedding?

Did you invite me to your wedding?

Oh, I wish I had.

with Hasidic people.

I know nothing about them.

They know nothing about Jain peoples.

Strictly business.

We don't come to 47th Street to chitchat.

While you inspect the goods,

I'm going to eat.

Excuse me. Hmm?

You can't eat meat, right? You Hindus?

No, we are not Hindus.

[Clicking tongue] We are Jains.

Hinduism is too materialistic for us.

No meat, no fish.

- And what can't you eat?

- No pig, no shrimp.

- What else can't you eat?

- No onion, no garlic.

- No milk and meat together.

- No potato, no roots.

- Nothing that hasn't been blessed.

- Nothing too spicy.

It is exciting the passions, you know.

The Christians... they eat everything.

They're like the Chinese.

They never have to

spend too much time

picking a restaurant.

That's why there are no Christians

in the diamond market.

How can you trust a person

who will eat anything?

[Snickers]

This parcel's not so good.

At least 20% rejection

you've given me.

How much?

[Gujarati]

[Man in Gujarati]

Too much. Way too much.

I'll give you 480.

Why are you doing this to me?

My children will be crying at home

because after I do business with you,

I have no money for food.

I can't make commission on this.

Maybe I can give my children

some dry bread.

I have to check with my customer.

[Speaking Yiddish]

My customer says too much.

No, he doesn't.

I know you understand Gujarati.

[Chuckles]

That's why I lied.

And I know you know I know Gujarati.

And I know you know Yiddish.

I was speaking

to an answering machine.

I'm sorry. I can't shake your hand.

I'm not allowed to touch any man

who isn't my husband.

Mazel.

And mazel for your wedding.

Mazel for the dozen children

you'll soon have.

Thank you. Is that your children?

Minesh and Paresh.

- Where's your wife?

- Oh, she's not looking that good

in the photographs these days.

Oi.

Last year she decided

that marriage was a sin.

Now she's in India,

with her head shaved,

going door to door,

collecting food in the bowl.

She used to be my wife.

Now I have to worship her.

Don't worry.

She's not the only one without hair.

I had to shave off all mine this morning

'cause I'm getting married tomorrow.

This is a wig.

Why? What is so wrong

with women's hair anyway?

Why you all want to cut it off?

They wanted me to cut it off

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