New York, I Love You Page #2

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on my wedding night.

- I said "No way."

- Yeah?

It took 25 years to grow,

And now, for the rest of my life,

I have to wear

some other woman's hair.

For all I know,

you could be wearing

my wife's hair right now.

What do you mean,

your wife's hair?

Most human hair in America

comes from our temples in India,

where women offer

their long locks to God

so that they can be sold to the West

and you can have your wigs.

While we are waiting for the Messiah,

while we are waiting for Mahavir...

your eyes will suffice

to give tired men hope.

This is not the proper

etiquette in this neighborhood.

What is this?

- [traditional]

- [Men shouting]

- [continues]

- [Shouting continues]

[Diamond Salesman]

Rifka!

Rifka!

[Rifka]

Mansukhbai!

[car radio:
Man singing

in foreign language]

[Man singing along in foreign language]

[French]

- Ah, oui?

- Ah, oui.

[resumes singing along with radio]

[Sighs]

Oh, I'm s... I'm so sorry.

Wow, that's an entrance.

Wait. Which way are you going?

Uh, I was just gonna go over

cross town to the East Side.

Oh, I guess I can film there, too.

Okay, let's go.

[Speaks French]

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

[continues]

- [Snoring]

- [tune on phone]

Hello?

[Coughing]

[Woman]

David? Are you okay?

- Did I wake you?

- Yeah.

Yeah, you can say that.

Listen, he left me a message

about a couple of music cues.

Who?

Abara, your director.

Uh, okay, which ones?

Okay. Okay, great.

What was the message?

He hates them.

You have to change them.

Because?

He didn't say.

Oh, well,

what do you think, Camille?

Maybe you should talk to him directly.

Mmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll call him.

["Carnival of the Animals"]

Hey, Camille.

It's your favorite stalker.

- Did you talk to Abara?

- Yeah, we talked.

He talked for, like, two hours

about, like, composers...

Wagner, Brahms, Gustav Mahler,

Tchaikovsky, Dostoyevsky.

That killed me.

Dostoyevsky isn't a composer.

- Are you okay?

- Never better.

Great. Well, I need your address.

Abara wants to messenger

you something right away.

Does he?

[Sighs]

Hold on.

Aw. It's on my phone.

I'm a total idiot

when it comes to numbers and addresses.

- My last girlfriend...

- Uh-huh?

I couldn't remember her birthday.

She broke up with me

because of that.

Yeah, well, you deserved it.

Probably. But the upside

is that I'm single now.

So, dinner?

[Laughs]

You're sleep deprived, David.

No. I'm Camille deprived.

I'm thinking Balthazar for dinner

and maybe a little pastis for dessert.

I'm thinking unemployment

if you don't finish those cues on time.

Give me your address.

[keyboard chord]

Hello?

[Camille]

Hey, did you get the books?

I left them outside your door.

Wait. What... You were here?

Why didn't you call?

I knocked, like, a hundred times.

What the hell is this?

He talked to you about Dostoyevsky.

"Please read."

Is this guy crazy? Am l...

Am I supposed to read these

or eat them?

Okay, David.

I'm gonna put you through to Abara, okay?

You can talk to him.

[Sighs]

How'd it go with Abara?

He just said "Read the books, Dave.

"Don't use CliffNotes or Wikipedia.

Just read them." So fine.

I'm on a bench in Central Park

with The Brothers Karamazov.

[Chuckles]

Ouch.

[Coughs, sneezes]

Bless you.

Thanks.

What? What's wrong?

- I can see the Dakota.

- Hmm.

John Lennon... is my god.

- You know his song "Mother"?

- Yeah.

I was a kid the first time I heard that.

Why can't I write a song like "Mother"?

Oh, I just sent you a picture.

Oh, my God.

Is that John Lennon standing behind you?

- What?

- I'm just kidding.

I have no idea

what you look like, Camille.

Hmm.

Send me a picture.

No. No way.

Is that what you look like?

[Camille on machine]

If you're calling for Camille,

- please leave a message after the beep.

- [Beep]

[David]

There are 1,784 pages,

and it takes me four minutes

to read one page.

is 7, 136 minutes,

which equals 118.9333 hours,

which comes to 4.955 days.

But you can round it off

to five days without sleeping.

It's impossible. I quit.

I quit.

[No audio]

Goodbye, Camille.

[Phone rings]

[Ring]

Hello?

[Coughing]

[Ring]

[David on machine]

Please leave a message after the beep.

[Beep]

Hey, David. It's Camille.

You know, when Dostoyevsky

was writing The Gambler,

he signed a contract with his publisher

saying that he would finish it in 26 days.

And he did it,

but he had the help

of this young stenographer.

This girl...

she stayed with him, and she helped him.

And afterwards,

they actually got married.

[Chuckles]

Isn't that cool?

That's how he met his wife.

Anyway, I found this story

in the preface for Crime and Punishment.

So I was thinking that...

And this would have to be

between you and me.

But I was thinking that

I could read the books

and tell you what's going on.

That way, you could just

focus on your music.

But only if you're

comfortable with this.

And if you're not, you know,

we can just forget it,

and you can quit.

But if you are,

then open this door.

Open... this door?

Okay, a deal's a deal.

Does this mean

we're getting married?

I have a lot of reading to do.

Hi. I'm Camille.

Hi. I'm David.

[Phone rings]

Hello?

Where?

Thank you.

That was kind of a powerful,

intimate situation.

What was intimate?

Just now. Just... We...

Sharing the flame.

I mean, that was... that was intimate.

If you say so.

Oh, come on now.

You know what I'm talking about.

Our hands almost touched.

I looked at you, and you

lifted your head up slowly,

and our eyes met.

It was... It was... It was intense,

and it was intimate.

Wow. Stop it. I feel naked.

Yeah, well, you know what?

I have that effect on women.

I mean, not all women.

- No, not all women.

- [Laughs]

But it has happened before,

so don't be alarmed.

- Yeah, I bet.

- Yeah. Don't ignore what's happening here.

We're having some kind

of powerful, weird alchemy,

and you have to pay attention

when that happens.

This stuff is not to be treated lightly.

Listen, I actually just came out here

to have a cigarette, okay?

- And relax and do my thing.

- Okay. No. Sure. Sure. Yeah.

So, uh, maybe another time.

Yeah. But there may not

be another time. Okay?

I may never get this chance again.

I mean, we may never, you know,

be able to return to this... this moment.

Well, then, you should know

that I'm married and happy.

Right. Uh-huh. And where is he?

Huh? Huh?

He leaves you out here alone,

in the dark, without a light.

- I'm not feeling that.

- Well, he doesn't smoke, so...

- But you love him anyway.

- Yeah. Why not?

Sure. Sure.

He just abandons you, huh,

to your mortal disease,

and leaves you alone to suffer

and die, when he's in there

pretending to love you?

I don't respect this guy.

I think he's a coward.

I think he's selfish.

And forgive me for saying this,

but I think any moment now, this guy's

gonna open up his real self to you,

and it's gonna be all...

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