New York, I Love You Page #6

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be the same on both sides.

- Equal.

- Everything always has to be equal with you.

I'm a democratic sort of fellow.

Well, see how democratic you feel

when you fall down

and break your other hip.

I'm not breaking any hips.

Is there some place

you got to get to later?

What is your hurry?

My hurry is I want to get there

before next week.

At the rate you walk...

You want faster?

Divorce me and get yourself

a younger man.

Tom Cruise, perhaps.

You think you're funny?

I do, as a matter of fact.

Then what would you do,

Mr. Smarty-pants?

Mr. I'm so independent,

I don't need any help

opening the pickle jar.

I got caught in a pickle.

You'd still be putting on your jacket

if it wasn't for me.

[Horn honks]

Go ahead, hit me, why don't you?

Want to run me down?

[Scoffs]

All the time, honking like

they own the place.

We could have driven.

Who could have driven? You?

You're going to give me

a heart attack now?

What's the good of having a car

if I never get to drive it?

You can't drive.

You can't even read the street sign.

I still have my license.

Only because that girl at the DMV

took pity on you.

All that flirting with her, oh.

It was embarrassing.

Brighton Beach Avenue.

As if you didn't know

what street this was.

- I know what street this is.

- Of course you know what street this is.

- You think I don't know what street this is?

- Did I say you didn't?

I was reading the street sign.

A regular Evelyn Wood I married.

Hurry up, it's green.

The light's going to change.

Step up.

Okay.

You sure? We're not in any rush.

I said I'm okay.

Don't walk so fast.

I don't want to have to

call an ambulance.

I don't want to think about trying to make

that cell phone she sent us work.

Did you call her?

She called me.

- What did she say?

- What do you think she said?

"How are you? How is Dad?

What are you doing?"

And what did you say to her?

I told her we're doing

the same thing we do every year.

Good.

She said she sent us

a card, and did we get it.

- Did we get a card?

- Did you see any card?

Maybe it just didn't get here yet.

She probably sent it late.

- Don't criticize.

- I'm not criticizing.

You are criticizing.

I'm just saying, she probably forgot

and then remembered at the last minute.

You wait and see.

The postmark will be yesterday,

as if it could get here

from France in one day.

Where are you going?

I don't want to take the ramp.

Well, the ramp is easier.

I'll take the stairs.

You're going to kill me.

[Sighs]

Today of all days,

he decides he'll finally kill me...

Do away with me by making me

take the stairs.

Give me a heart attack,

just watching you take the stairs.

They have smart police these days,

like the cute one on CSI.

They'll figure it out.

It'll make headlines...

Man kills wife on 63rd anniversary,

walking up stairs.

[Grunts]

[Wheels rattle over boardwalk]

- Hey, hey!

- Hoodlums!

They ought to arrest them.

Let's go have lunch.

Let's go. Come on. Let's go.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Lift your feet.

- I'm lifting.

- No, you're shuffling.

- Lift your feet. Lift.

- I'm lifting, I'm lifting.

All right. Come on.

I fixed your hat a little bit.

You're looking okay with your hat.

Yeah.

Looking pretty

good-looking to me.

[Man]

Look at me.

Look at me.

I look terrible.

I don't understand what happened.

Happened. What happened?

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