New York City Serenade Page #4

- Hi.

- It's nice to meet you.

- You too.

I haven't seen Lynne

in like a year.

Yeah.

Do you want to sit with us

while we catch up a bit?

- Yeah, I'd love to.

- Great, let's go.

- So how's Owen?

- He's great.

Actually, I just

got off the phone with him.

- Really?

- Yeah. He's up in Jersey.

Unfortunately, one of his childhood

friend's father passed away.

- Oh, no.

- I know.

But yeah, we were just making

dinner plans. Same old, same old.

- It's so good to see you.

- I know. You too.

Damn, girls had some big nips

in the '70s.

I believe they're called areolas.

Check out this hot plate.

This is definitely some kind

of antique.

Put it down, you ass.

This isn't a tag sale.

He said we could take

anything we want.

Hey, put it back, Russ.

Where's Matt?

Give me my phone back.

- Matt?

- Knock it off, Russ.

I'm just collecting things.

(horns honking)

Let's make sure all the windows are up.

Exhaust fumes are toxic.

Damn this traffic.

I told you we should have sat

somewhere until after rush hour.

That makes no sense:

Either way we gotta wait.

This way we're in the car.

Thank you, Mr. Logic.

- Oh, f***!

- Hey, come on.

It's bumper to bumper!

This tunnel makes me

so claustrophobic.

- F***. I'm gonna be so late.

- Relax. What's the rush?

I'm supposed to meet Lynne

like right now.

I mean, if you think about it,

we're underneath the river.

Great, let's all drink and drive.

I'm freaking out in this tunnel.

I mean, I am starting to freak out in...

- Calm down.

- Oh Lord, let me out of this car.

Uh! You got any gum?

- Did you finish that?

- Yeah.

- What about a mint? You got any mints?

- I was saving that.

I need something for my breath.

Lynne'll freak if she smells booze.

What?

You're not allowed to drink now?

I don't want to show up to dinner

with booze on my breath.

- Do you mind?

- You shouldn't drink then.

- It's all about choices, my friend.

- Whatever.

Don't get all preachy right now.

If you don't want to smell

like booze, don't drink.

Just pull over up there.

You don't want to feel bad

about lying to your girlfriend,

- don't have a girlfriend.

- Or I could just not lie to her.

Or you could ask yourself

why you got a girlfriend

that you feel the need

to lie to.

I'll tell you what: Let me worry

about my girlfriend, okay?

Fine.

- I'll tell you this, though...

- I really don't want to hear it.

You're making a big mistake taking

your lady to this film festival...

Here we go.

Just think about all the action

we could operate down there.

- Think about the lady fair.

- I'm taking my girlfriend.

I'm just saying, how often do we

have the opportunity to party and rage

- at a film festival?

- You're not going, Ray.

- Fine.

- You better hurry up

and get this car back to Devon's

so he can go sell some more weed.

All right. All right, it's not like

I'm the star of your movie or anything.

That's right:
You're not.

You had one line and

you f***ed that up.

Suit yourself.

See ya.

- Hey!

- Yeah?

- You coming by tonight?

- Yeah, I'll try.

I mean if you can get

a permission slip.

F*** off.

(door buzzing)

(door unlocking,

creaking open)

- Daddy.

- Hi, peanut.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I just came by

to bring you a quarter.

- You know what else I brought you?

- What?

I big kiss.

Come here.

There I am

walking through this graveyard

with, you know,

the Marx Brothers

carrying this wooden

naked casket

and they're all complaining.

And the priest or whatever

is, like, saying this

long prayer.

Matt's crying

and it was just so...

depressing.

- What's up?

- What do you mean?

You've been awfully quiet.

You've been talking.

Okay.

Uh, I'll let you talk.

How's that?

What would you like me to say?

I don't know.

Maybe...

tell me what's going on.

Why don't you tell me, Owen?

Tell you what?

How about this:

Ahem.

Have you been faithful to me?

What?

Or how about this:

Have you been faithful

since we've been engaged

to be married?

How about that, Owen?

Lynnie...

I have absolutely no idea...

I mean...

I swear to God.

- Baby.

- Don't!

Don't you "baby" me.

Cartoon voice:

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Voice #2:

Wait.

What am I waiting for?

(cartoon continues)

Hey.

Would you put that out?

Scumbag.

Scumbag.

(giggling)

Did you call? You're supposed to

call before you come.

Sorry I'm late, Ted.

F***, it's hot in here.

- The air conditioner's broke.

- Oh, shithole.

Daddy gave me a quarter!

Yeah?

Could he spare it?

If you're gonna come over,

you gotta call first.

Call before you come...

that's the arrangement.

Where you been?

Where do you think I've been?

Work.

- You got my check?

- What's he doing here?

Babysitting.

Any other questions?

Girl:
Mommy, tell Ted to turn

my show back on!

Turn her show back on!

- "SmackDown" is on!

- Turn it back, Ted!

It sounds like you guys have got

a real mature relationship going.

F*** it's hot in here. God,

I hate summer in this f***ing city.

- He living here now?

- None of your business.

F*** if it's none of my business.

If you're living with somebody,

I've got a right to know.

Hey, you've got no rights

when it comes to me!

What right did I have when I was sitting

at the f***ing Hilton Garden Inn

for two day waiting for you

to show up, huh?

- The Hilton Garden Inn again.

- Yeah, that again!

That again, Ray!

F*** you!

You're a real classy girl,

a classy dame.

If you would just tell me

what this is about...

What it's about?

- You want to know what it's about?

- Yes, I would.

- I found out.

- You found out what?

- What are you talking about?

- Liar.

If you would please

just tell me.

Rachel.

Mary:

The kid needs new shoes.

I'm supposed to start her

at kindergarten in the fall

and they want to charge me

Now how the hell am I supposed

to afford that? You tell me.

I told you I could bring you

some money on Friday.

It's not about me. It's about keeping

a roof over your daughter's head.

- Okay.

- And do me a favor:

When you tell her you're gonna

take her someplace,

don't call and cancel

an hour beforehand.

I had a gig.

That's the same exact kind of sh*t

you used to pull on me.

- Message received.

- You pulled the same selfish

childish crap on me

when you were supposed to

be my husband.

Okay, look,

I had a gig, okay?

And don't worry.

I'll get you your money.

- It ain't about money, Ray!

- Here we go.

- It ain't about money!

- Keep it down.

You always had a gig

or some bullshit thing.

Well, when are you gonna grow up

and be a man, Ray? Huh?

When are you gonna

grow up and be a man?

Christ's sake.

Honey, you gotta believe me,

- it wasn't...

- It wasn't what?

You filthy lowlife pig.

It... oh, it wasn't anything.

I'll tell you what it wasn't...

- Honey, please.

- It wasn't me

you were f***ing at that party

because I wasn't even

invited to that party.

- Baby...

- I told you!

I am not your baby.

I am not your sweetie

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