Newlyweds Page #5

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That would be really helpful.

And the first is not

Use so many towels

when you take a shower

Because I really hate laundry.

And the other thing is...

if you could not bring

strange guys home?

That would be awesome.

Buzzy told you about that?

Yeah...

yeah, yeah, of course he did.

Oh! Okay.

Um... well, first of all...

Uh... Im sorry about the towels.

I um... thought that's

what they were there for.

Ah... and second of all...

you never had a crazy night?

Yeah, yeah... of course we did.

I just...

do not want strange men in my

Apartment late at night,

if that's cool.

Understood.

Alright um...

I have got to go take a shower.

And... I will let myself air dry.

Oh, hey. You know.

Do you have any water in here?

Perfect.

You saw that, right?

I mean that was like hostile...!

She opened the door in my face!

I was just trying to be nice.

Make a simple request.

And she... really didn't like that.

Okay...

well...

it's officially on...

I officially don't like her.

I know I was being bitchy but

I had this monster hangover

and,

I come home

And the first thing she

comes at me with is towels?

I mean, who gives

a sh*t about towels?

I had my heart

ripped out last night!

Just for the record...

I did have crazy nights

before I got married.

Hey, it's me.

I need to talk to you.

Hi.

Hi.

Hey, honey um... listen.

Is buzzy at home? By any chance?

No, he's training max today,

I thought.

Okay, I just thought Id check.

No, I don't believe a word that

max says these days.

Honey, listen.

Um... has buzzy mentioned

anything to you about max

Being unfaithful?

No! Why? What's going on?

Do you think he would

tell you if he knew?

Yeah, of course! He wouldn't

keep anything like that secret...

from me.

I don't know, that's naive Katie.

I mean guys, you know guys.

They don't share that sh*t.

Marsha! You are my sister!

I'm his wife!

His allegiance to us.

Okay. You want something to drink?

Yeah. Water, please.

When I graduated college

I ah... married

max, we met at school

And had our son shortly after.

He is not the college.

Um... so we're, empty nesters.

For me...

I was so involved in john's life

Really I mean, you're a mom you're

very involved in the kids life

And max was too.

So now I feel like

all that sort of passion

For my child has to

be focused somewhere else.

I am a little worried

about you and buzzy.

Oh, Marsha don't start,

not today. Please!

Please.

How well do you really know him?

I mean this whole rushed wedding

happened way too quickly for my liking.

I know him just fine, thank you.

Trust me, you never really know them.

I mean, Ive been with

max for f***in' ever.

And I still don't know him.

Why do you insist on doing this,

Marsha?

I swear to god. I mean I know

you don't like him, but he's my husband.

And I love him.

No.

Honey, here's the thing.

Why didn't he tell you

That his sister was

coming to stay with you?

I mean, don't you

think that's weird?

No, I don't.

If she's a complete flake.

And she called him like 3 months ago

And said she was coming

And then never called to confirm!

No.

So it's an honest oversight.

Remember what dad

used to always say?

Better to beg forgiveness,

then ask permission.

Marsha, I feel like you are projecting

your relationship onto my relationship.

No! I'm not.

If something happened with max?

I'm hypersensitive

to dishonesty, right now.

I mean, I can smell it a mile away.

Why would he be afraid to tell me

That his sister was coming to stay?

Well, I do not know...

maybe, maybe he thought you'd say no...

or maybe he...

he knew what a pain in the ass she is.

I don't know. The point is

he knew and he didn't tell you.

You have to start looking for all those

Little lies, that's what they do.

Men lie.

Yeah, I know,

actually you might be right.

He might not have told me because he

didn't want me to know

What a complete and total slut...

his sister is.

Last night, she brought a guy home

at 3 in the morning,

And was hooking up with

him on my kitchen counter.

And actually all of that

Im okay with... sort of...

except that today, when she came home,

I tried to talk to her about it...

and she gave me a f***in' attitude.

Like I was making an unreasonable request

that she not bring strange men home.

Look, honey,

house guests are always a problem,

But, when it's a relative, like a...

bitchy English shrew

of a mother in law,

Or a, you know,

slutty L.A. Sister in law,

Then it's a really bad idea.

So what did buzzy say?

I haven't told him yet.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know how to tell him

I want his baby sister

to get the f*** out of my house?

Well, I thought you said you

could tell him anything.

Yeah, no I can, but this is different

I mean, it's his sister,

And he's always so understanding

About Dara and you...

and I just feel...

me?

Why does he need to

be understanding about me?

No... you know... he just... he...

what'?

He thinks you don't like him.

He thinks you don't like him.

Oh. Well I don't.

At least he's smart enough

to recognize that.

Why?

What has he done?

He hasn't done anything...

it's just... look at you, I mean...

you're a...

you're an amazing catch.

You're beautiful,

you're successful,

You're wealthy.

I mean...

I don't know, he was just in too

much of a rush

To get a ring on your finger.

A ring that you paid for.

I just think Marsha doesn't think

I'm good enough for her sister.

Ah... we come from

different worlds...

I don't know... she's never really

opened up to me, and

You know, it's funny, I can see that

she takes it out on max

A little bit, because he's the one

that set Katie and I up.

Swear to god, that woman hates me!

I don't think she hates you!

She's probably not madly in love with you

anymore. But I don't think she hates you.

I've got to get out

of this marriage.

I already told you,

I don't want to hear this sh*t, okay?

I don't want to have to go home

To Katie and have her asking me

About you guys,

and then Im forced to lie.

Just tell her the truth!

Seriously!, Im done with it.

And it's because of you, really.

Me! What did I have to do with this?

When you said "18 years is a success"

That's right

I mean, john is in college now,

he doesn't need us to be together anymore.

Hey, do me a favor, okay?

Don't pin this sh*t on me.

I was trying to smooth over

What was becoming a

very awkward conversation, alright?

Yeah, but what you said was right.

Well, forget that I said it!

I can't forget it!

I'm... Im done!

I'll gonna ask Marsha for a divorce!

No, you're not.

I don't need your nutty wife

Thinking Im somehow responsible...

for planting the seed

in your sick mind

That you are going to divorce!

There's this girl at the studio

I swear to god she's gorgeous.

Every time I look at her..

I do not want to hear this sh*t.

I just want to f*** her brains out!

Get back to work, you're a f***ing skel.

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