Next Stop, Greenwich Village Page #2

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Let's get married.

Maybe I should go to an analyst.

- You're better off in Mexico.

- Maybe I should go to a Mexican analyst.

[Spanish Accent] So tell me, my dear,

what seems to be the trouble?

I wanna be... Miss Subways.

[Larry]

You're a very sick girl.

Good night, Larry.

- One minute.

- What?

You're a mess.

[Chuckles]

[Laughs]

You know what?

Larry, come in.

Put a rubber on.

- I didn't bring anything.

- Schmuck!

- Shh!

- [Whispers] Schmuck!

This proves I don't love you

for just your body.

I'll call you tomorrow.

- What if your father wakes up?

- My father sleeps like a dead man.

My mother's probably

watching us right this second.

I'll pull out

before I come, okay?

I love you, Sarah.

To be or not to be...

that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler

in the mind...

to suffer the slings and arrows

of outrageous fortune...

or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

and by opposing, end them.

To die,

to sleep no more...

and by a sleep to say

we end the heartache...

and the thousand natural shocks

that flesh is heir to.

[Imitating Marlon Brando]

Hey, Blanche.

What are you doin',

Blanche, baby?

I wanna tell you about

the Napoleonic code, Blanche.

I hold in my hand

a copy of the Napoleonic code.

Understand me, Blanche?

You got some chewing gum

on your tit.

I thought it was diamonds.

I thought it was a diamond tiara.

I'll see you later, Blanche.

Stella. Where are you,

Stella, baby?

Stella!

Stella, baby, where are you?

Stella!

Stella!

Where are you, Ste...

Thank you very much,

ladies and gentlemen of the Academy.

This Oscar

gives me great pleasure.

But I don't think that this award

goes just to Larry Lapinsky.

No, no. There are a lot

of other people involved in this.

First of all, I would like to thank

my director, Elia Kazan.

It was... It was Gadg who first discovered

me in the 42nd Street library.

Without Gadg, there would be

no Larry Lapinsky.

I would also like to thank

the author of this film...

that greatJewish writer,

Eugene O'Neill.

Gene, thank you.

Boy... Boy,

this was really something.

But, ladies and gentlemen

of the Academy...

I don't think that this evening

would be complete...

if I didn't thank the little lady

who has stood behind me all these years.

As a matter of fact,

she's standing behind me now.

Mom, say a few words.

[Feminine Voice]

When my darling...

When my darling, adorable, loving son

first told my husband and myself...

that he wanted to be

an actor, I scoffed.

Oh, boy, did I scoff.

But tonight, I realized

that I scoffed wrongly.

You don't scoff

at an Academy Award winner.

My son's performance

as Sheriff Luke Marshall...

in Last Train to Budapest

will go down...

as one of the great performances

in motion picture history.

But, ladies and gentlemen

of the Academy, tell me one thing.

Why does my son complain

when I bring him a chicken...

to his big-deal

Greenwich Village apartment?

Why? Why? Why?

I'll tell you why, Mom.

Because your boy's an ingrate.

He doesn't understand

the Napoleonic code.

Hey, you.

Yeah, you. Come here.

[Sighs]

- You're waking up the whole neighborhood.

- I'm sorry, Officer.

- Are you crazy?

- I was just doing some imitations.

- They stink.

- I know.

- What was that supposed to be

over there? Marlon Brando?

- Yeah.

- It was.

- Well, it sounded like Edward G. Robinson.

I know. Well, my Marlon Brando

sounds just like my Edward G. Robinson.

Well, let me hear

Edward G. Robinson.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, you guys.

I'm little Caesar, see?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Are you in show business, kid?

- I wanna be an actor, yeah.

- Well, take my advice.

Get into another line.

Thank you, Officer,

for your advice.

But most of all, I would like to thank

an unknown police officer...

who was the first person

to give me encouragement.

Have a nice day.

I'll see you soon. Enjoy.

Excuse me.

I'm here about the job.

- Are you the boy from the agency?

- Yes. The Canal Street

Employment Agency sent me.

Canal Street.

[Muttering]

Herb, the boy from

the agency is here.

- You got experience?

- [Larry] Yes, sir.

- I worked as a waiter in the Catskills.

- Did you ever work a counter?

- Yes. Yes, I did.

- Where?

My uncle had a place in Brooklyn.

I worked the counter.

- Where in Brooklyn?

- Brownsville.

- Did you ever work a juicer?

- Uh, I don't know.

- What's a juicer?

- This is a juicer.

I never worked a juicer.

No, sir.

- Are you a college boy?

- Yeah. I graduated from Brooklyn College.

What's a college graduate

looking for a job in a restaurant for?

I need the money. Hey, mister,

look, if I'm not right, tell me.

I need a boy from 11:00 to 3:00.

We're mostly a lunch trade.

- 11:
00 to 3:00 is fine with me.

- Good morning, Herb.

Good morning, Mr. Elkins.

How do you feel?

- I had a bad night.

- The head or the stomach?

In here. All night,

like a hammer.

You ate some crap yesterday.

- Right or wrong?

- Well, uh...

Right or wrong, please!

I had a corned beef sandwich

for lunch.

You hear that?

He ate a poison sandwich for lunch...

and he wonders

if he's in pain!

[Sighs]

I'll fix you a cabbage

and a carrot juice.

That'll take care of today.

But do me a favor.

If you go on poison tonight,

don't come back.

I'm not a magician.

- Helen. Get me an apron.

- What?

Show him

how to work the juicer.

- What's your name?

- Larry.

- First and last, please.

- Lapinsky. Larry Lapinsky.

You got the job,

Larry Lapinsky.

But you never worked a counter

in Brooklyn. Right or wrong?

Right.

So what are

you standing around?

- Let's get to work.

- Okay.

- What's this?

- Spinach.

- And what's this?

- It's a carrot.

Good thinking. Now, make me

a carrot and spinach juice right away.

Watch the hand!

Accidents I need. Get in there. Here.

He was right in the middle of rehearsing

this TV show when they fired him.

- Bastards!

- Is he actually a Communist?

He's a very good actor.

That's all I know.

- They're really afraid of McCarthy.

- He's a paranoid schizophrenic.

- That's why they're afraid of him.

- Hey, Connie, what's happening?

Follow us, my dears.

Anita Cunningham just called.

Said she's gonna

kill herself.

- When did she call?

- About a half an hour ago.

Well, why did you

wait a half an hour?

She commits suicide once a week.

She usually calls back.

Heh-heh.

She didn't call back.

- Hey, what's up?

- Anita Cunningham is committing suicide.

Can I watch?

Listen, I'm not going in there if she used gas.

- Where does she live?

- Speaking of gas, Connie,

I think you left the water boiling.

Oh!

[Laughing]

You're crazy!

Anita, we're here!

I can smell

the cat piss already.

Anita, we're coming.

Hey, what floor

does she live on?

Fifth floor, darling.

[Scoffs]

To hell with it.

- ## [Singing, Indistinct]

- [Knocking]

- [Connie] Anita?

- [Bernstein] Anita.

- Anita, it's Connie.

- [Knocking Continues]

Anita, open up

in the name of the law.

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