Next Stop, Greenwich Village Page #9

---

Bernstein.

Bernstein,

I am talking to you.

Oh, stop already,

you meshuggener.

Bernstein Chandler.

Come on, Bernstein. If you

don't respond in a couple of seconds...

I'm going to have to phone the police,

and they will take you to the hospital.

Are you receiving me?

Come on.

I know you're scared, but so are we.

All right, I'm gonna

count to 10...

and then...

I'm gonna phone the police.

One, two, three...

four, five...

six, seven...

eight, nine...

nine and a half, 10.

I am now going

to phone the cops.

- Hi.

- Excuse me.

Please! I don't want anyone

to look at me.

All right, baby,

nobody's gonna look at you...

but can you tell me, please,

why not?

Because I don't want

to look at anyone.

Well, is there something

we can do for you?

I'm gonna make a cup of coffee.

Anyone want some?

Would you like

a cup of coffee?

Would you like

something to eat?

Would you like a bedpan?

Oh!

"Bedpan" always

gets a laugh.

You know why "bedpan"

always gets a laugh?

Because bodily functions

are funny.

Number one is funny.

Number two is very funny.

Belching is quite funny.

[Belches]

Farting is

hysterically funny.

[Blowing Raspberries]

And various combinations

are even funnier.

A belch and a number two is hysterically

funny no matter how you cut it.

"Cut it."

"Cutting them" is funny.

- It's a funny phrase..."I cut one. '"

- [Both Laughing]

Can you imagine the king of England

turning to the House of Lords and saying...

[With English Accent] "Gentlemen,

I just cut one." [Blows Raspberries]

"Dump" is a funny word.

"Screw" is not funny.

- Sex is serious.

- Very serious.

Sex is the most serious thing

in the whole world.

A guy who can't get it up is in worse

trouble than a guy who died.

You know why? Because a guy

who died doesn't know he died.

But seriously, folks...

The funniest thing of all is this.

My real name is Floyd Lewis.

I was born in Macon, Georgia.

My mother died when I was

three years old.

I don't know

who my father is.

My life is a fiiction...

all made up, my dears.

No cleaning woman.

No family named Bernstein.

All fiction.

Only the "gay" is real.

My trade is real.

My tricks are real.

I've been brutalized

physically and mentally.

I really am out of my mind.

So, please, let me stay

under the covers.

I just want to stay

under the covers.

[Robert]

This town is hot...

and shitty

and sweaty and grimy.

I'm going to Mexico City

next week.

- Are you serious?

- I'm buying my ticket tomorrow.

- Why?

- Why not?

Well, I can't go.

I'm waiting on that screen test.

I'd like to go.

We can't.

Is there any rule

against having fun?

- We can't afford it. We spent all our money on...

- I'll lend you the money.

What, did you just

come into an inheritance?

No. I just know some...

wealthy ladies who have

a thing for poets.

I wouldn't mind

going somewhere.

- Then let's all go.

- Well, what about Bernstein?

We'll wrap him up,

take him with us.

- [Larry] I can't go.

- Yes, you can.

Hey, Sarah, I just

told you I can't go.

Well, I can.

What does that mean?

It means I can go.

It means I'm not a prisoner.

- [Larry] Do you think you're my prisoner?

- Sometimes.

Then go f*** yourself and go to Tibet.

I don't care what you do.

When do you find out

about that screen test?

- I don't know.

- You have to know soon. In about a week or two.

Why don't you wait

until you find out and then join us?

And what if

I get the part?

Then I'll come back.

I'd like to talk to you.

Sure.

- I got it.

- I'll see you later.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye.

[Door Closes]

I would like another cup of coffee

and another pack of cigarettes.

No, make that a pot of coffee

and a carton of cigarettes.

- They'll be okay.

- I don't know.

Worry about yourself

once in a while.

- I worry about myself all the time.

- Yeah?

Tell me about it.

There's nothing to tell.

You are the funniest girl

I ever met.

So nice being

called a girl.

Would you like to come back

to my place and...

- make love for an hour or two?

- [Chuckles]

I don't think I can

walk up seven flights.

It's easy

on the way down.

All right, let's go, bubelah,

before you change your mind.

I don't want you

going to Mexico without me.

Tough.

I'm warning you, Sarah.

- I want to talk to you.

- No.

- Please.

- No.

- You hurt my arm.

- I'm sorry.

Nobody owns me.

Nobody!

Do you have any gum?

My mouth tastes rotten.

Here.

Let's make love.

Okay.

Do you have your diaphragm?

Mm-hmm.

Put it on.

I'm wearing it.

Robert?

Mm-hmm.

I thought so.

- I'm sorry.

- You f***in' b*tch.

- You b*tch! You bastard! You b*tch!

- [Cries Out]

- You couldn't stay away from him, could you?

- [Whimpers]

Huh?

[Sobbing]

I love him.

You're full of sh*t.

You love yourself.

I'm sorry.

- How did it happen?

- What is the difference?

How the f*** did it happen?

Will you tell me how it happened?

Will you tell me?

[Sobbing]

[Sobbing, Coughing]

- [Sighs]

- I won't hurt you anymore.

L...

I don't know

why I did it.

I didn't plan it.

I, uh, went to Robert's...

and we talked...

and then we made love.

I don't know anything else.

Why did you come up here?

L... I don't know.

If I go to Mexico with you,

is it over with Robert?

No.

- I love you, Sarah.

- I know.

I'll always love you.

No, you won't.

Always.

- [Door Opens]

- [Faye] Larry?

Larry, darling, you home?

We were...

We were in the neighborhood,

so we thought that we... [Stammering]

- Oh, my God.

- Faye, I think we ought to go home.

[Stammering]

Look, you're gonna

marry her.

You hear me?

You're gonna marry her.

We'll have

a fast ceremony.

Honey, I don't know

your mother and father.

How could we?

Nobody introduced us.

But I'm sure your father

has got enough money...

- for some kind of a decent wedding.

- Faye.

[Stammering]

- Faye, let's go, huh?

- Put your pants on!

- Can we go now, Faye?

- What are you talking about?

Don't you see what's

going on around here?

It's none

of our business, damn it!

He's a grown man!

- Good-bye, Larry.

- What do you mean?

So long, Sarah.

What do you mean?

[Door Closes]

What's the matter?

What's happening here?

It's crazy that...

Larry, tell me.

[Stammering]

Baby, what's the matter?

You know, I got...

I almost forgot.

L-l...

I bought you the new

Jussi Bjrling record.

It's an aria

from Verdi's Tosca.

Ben, play the record

for him.

Oh. Oh, you should

hear him sing.

That man has a voice.

It's music.

## [Humming]

I don't think

that's Tosca.

What-What's going on?

Tell me, honey. What?

What...

Ben.

Make him...

Make him talk to me.

[Stammering]

I don't understand

such kind of people.

I don't under...

Greenwich Village.

Greenwich Village!

[People Chattering]

- You gonna hit me?

- I don't know.

That's a funny thing about me...

I've never been hit by a man.

- Do you love Sarah?

- No.

- Was she good?

- What do you want?

- I like you, Larry.

- Come on! Was she good?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes