Nice Guy Johnny Page #7

and apologize.

- Dude, you called him a p*ssy.

- I did not call him a p*ssy!

- I was standing right there!

You totally said,

''I knew you would puss out.''

- Oh...

Well, I said that to you, not him.

- I know. Listen,

I think you should call him back,

'cause it's like, what,

So you're gonna

get his voicemail anyhow.

And just leave him

a nice, nice message.

Tell him that you understand

why he's having such a hard time

going on this interview.

That he still has to go anyway,

yadda, yadda, yadda...

I think you should do that.

- All right, fine, I will call him.

But... it really pisses me off

that I'm being made to look

like the bad guy here.

- You're not the bad guy.

- I know.

Ahem.

- Hello?

- What just happened?

- That sonofabitch!

Some girl just answered!

- Did you dial the right number?

- Yes!

I have it programmed, for chrissake!

- Make sure you called the right person!

- Oh my God, I do not f***ing believe

this! If this f***ing guy

is f***ing around on me,

I swear I'm gonna call Kevin Tyler,

that hot guy from the office,

have him come over here,

clear these bags from this table

and make sweet, vengeful love to him

on top of this thing

Johnny's mom bought me!

Give me one moment.

- Hello?

- Who is this, please?

- This is Brooke. Who is this, please?

- This is Claire Meadows.

Would you mind explaining to me

how the hell you are answering

this f***ing phone

at 3:
00 in the morning?!

- Wow, lady, chill out.

You are rude...

Goodbye.

- She hung up on me.

She hung up on me, that b*tch!

- What'd she say?

- Nothing. Said I was rude and hung up.

- You're not rude! You're the nicest!

- I'm rude? I'm not the one

who's answering someone else's...

f***ing fianc's phone

in the middle of the night!

Holy sh*t...

I'm gonna cry.

- No, no, no.

- Holy sh*t, holy sh*t, I'm gonna cry!

- No, no, no, no. No.

Hey, hey, hey. No.

Pretty, pretty, pretty...

Don't jump to conclusions, okay?

He's with his uncle, right?

So that could be some girl

that's hooking up with his uncle.

- No, that's stupid.

F*** it, I'm calling Kevin Tyler.

- No! Just... call that b*tch back.

Tell her she better get

your f***ing fianc on the phone.

Do that.

What the... f***?

- She's not even picking up.

It's going straight to voicemail.

Ahem.

Hi, baby, it's your fiance!

So why is it that you didn't wanna

go for that job interview?

Is it because you're too busy

sticking your little pencil dick

into some Long Island b*tch's ass?!

Seriously, Johnny,

you better have a good explanation

for why there's some whore

answering your phone

at 3:
00 in the morning, Johnny!

Listen, I never wanna see you again!

You are a piece of sh*t, Johnny Rizzo,

and I hope your f***ing cock falls off!

- Okay, so that was a little bit harsher

than I think we intended, but...

hey...

hey, it's Johnny.

He probably just lost his phone.

- Who the bloody hell is that?

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Hello? What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Open the door.

- My uncle lives here. Who are you?

- I am the caretaker of this property

and you're trespassing. Now who are you?

- I'm not trespassing.

This is my uncle's house.

- What uncle? I don't know any uncle.

- Terry Cunningham.

- Terry Cunningham

doesn't own this house!

He's a guest of Mrs. Giordano,

and he's meant to be out of here

by 8:
00 this morning!

So I want you to pack your bags,

and get up and go and leave.

Or otherwise. I'll... I'll call the cops.

- Wait, what?

This isn't my uncle's house?

- I'm giving you five minutes.

Five minutes to pack up your sh*t

and get out of here.

I mean it, get out!

Now! Go!

- Out!

- Okay!

- Five minutes.

- Brooke...

Brooke.

We gotta get going. I'm sorry.

You gotta get up.

- Oh, hey.

Where am I again?

- I'm not sure, actually,

whose house this is, anymore,

but this is where I'm staying

and I had to take you here.

I was gonna drive you home last night.

- You took me home?

Wait, did anything happen?

- No. No.

- Oh, good.

- Yeah.

- Well, not that that would've been bad,

necessarily...

- Yeah, you were really drunk last night.

- Yeah, I got pretty wasted.

- You passed out, actually.

So I didn't know where to take you,

so I took you here.

Hope it's okay.

- And nothing happened?

- No, nothing happened.

- Not even a... kiss?

- Kiss? Uh...

there might've been a...

... a small, innocent kiss of sorts.

No big deal.

- Oh... the innocent kiss.

- Yeah.

- I remember that.

- Look, actually. Can we, um...

can we get going?

There's a guy downstairs,

he say's he'll call the cops

if we don't leave.

- The cops?

Why?

I thought you said nothing happened.

- Yeah. Nothing did happen.

But we gotta get going.

I can't find my phone,

so I can't call my uncle,

so I don't know what's going on.

- Y'know, I have a vague recollection

of it ringing in the middle of the night

and me throwing it across the room.

- That's right, you had my sweatshirt.

- Is that it over there?

- Let me see.

Shoot.

Yeah, okay. Uh...

my fiance called.

All right, I'm gonna go downstairs

and listen to the voicemail.

Can you get ready?

I'll meet you down there?

- Yeah, okay.

- All right. Great.

- Hey, um...

Thanks for... taking care of me.

- Of course.

All right.

It was a Saturday

spent sitting on the lawn

The radio was on

Soundtrack to the time

I spent with you

So I listened all night long

Every number put me somewhere

From 1988 to '91

We all need the music

We all love a song

In our hearts it saves us

It saves us when we're out of whack

So ain't it time

We saved the music back

You didn't happen to pick up

my cellphone last night?

You didn't happen to pick up

my cellphone last night?

- Oh...

You know, I may have.

Is that a problem?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- I kinda remember some lady

screaming at me. What was that?

- Yeah, that lady was my fiance.

She left a pretty nasty voicemail

asking why some girl -

I'm assuming that's you -

picked up my phone

at 3:
00 in the morning.

- Oh, sh*t.

Is it bad?

- Yeah, kinda!

She said something

about wanting my dick to fall off?

- Wow, that would not be good.

- No! No! I think she'd do it, too.

She'd rip it off!

- Tough to roll as a eunuch these days,

I would think.

- Yeah. Thanks.

- Do me a favour?

- Yeah.

- Grab the wheel a second?

- Right now?

- Yeah, it's cool, just steer.

- All right.

- Good?

- Yeah, right.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, yeah.

- You doing good.

Ah, yeah, this is relaxing.

- Oh, that's funny!

That's funny. All right, here.

Gonna save it back

Ah save it back

Save the music back

All set?

- Yeah.

Wow, you must be hungry.

Is that a whole pie?

- Yeah, it's for the mother-in-law.

- Excuse me?

- It's for the mother-in-law.

- Sorry, I'm not hearing you.

- That's funny.

It's for the mother-in-law.

Is that better?

Got it. Got it.

- Whoa.

You know you're not married yet.

- Thanks.

Don't ask about the other night

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