Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb Page #6

That's right.

It compute with him.

Dada.

Damn it!

Laaa.

If you see me do something dumb,

don't imitate me, okay?

It's basically what I keep telling Nick.

He just doesn't get it, you know?

I mean, he's a smart kid...

but I just want to give him

the tools that I didn't have.

I mean, get the degree,

then take a break.

Get the degree, then take a break.

Laaa! Laaa, stop that!

Stop it!

Okay.

What? Excuse me! Hey!

Hi. Hey. Sorry.

I'm Nick, this is Dexter,

Attila the Hun.

Oh, yes, so lovely to meet you.

Now meet this hammer!

Don't do that.

I'm super sorry. I know it's

a lot going on, Hun, monkey.

Wow, what? So much weird.

Huge amount to process.

Right? Okay, sorry.

- Thank you.

- You won't get away with this!

I'm making sketches of you

in my mind right now!

Boy with freckles,

fat Asian with hair extensions,

evil monkey.

I guess it's just parenting, you know?

And he comes from a divorced family...

so I'm sure he has a lot of conflicted

feelings about me...

and there might be some

Oedipal stuff at play in there, or...

I get it.

I wasn't there a lot of the time.

So I think I might be

projecting my own guilt...

and taking it out on him in ways...

that I'm not even aware of.

What?

Door.

Head.

Okay, I...

Open...

head.

Open your mind!

Yes! Yeah, well, you're right.

That's the challenge.

I mean, it's all contextual, and I do.

I keep looking at him through the lens

of how my parents raised me...

when, in reality, he's his own person.

And, yeah, we share the same DNA...

but honestly, he's much more

evolved than I ever was.

I don't want to let my own ego

and childhood history...

stop him from making the mistakes

he needs to make...

to become the person

that he's meant to be.

Open the door with your head.

Yes!

Good, Laaa. Let's go!

- Everybody okay?

- Yes, Lawrence.

Attila and your boy secured

the lady guard in her booth.

I don't know how long

it will hold her, though.

We gotta find Lancelot...

but somebody has to make sure

she doesn't get out.

Yeah. Laaa, okay.

You know what you have to do?

Stay!

That's right. Just make sure

she stays in there.

- Stay!

- Good! Go!

Dada say, "Stay"!

Lawrence!

I can't move my arms.

We're becoming less useful

by the minute.

Whoa, whoa!

Come on, big guy.

What? You okay there?

Something's up with your eye, but...

I don't know. It's just kind of going...

You gotta relax, okay?

Calm down!

Attila! Attila!

Attila doesn't hyperventilate.

You pillage!

You plunder!

You don't freak out. Okay?

Dad, there's, like,

8 million people in this city.

He could be literally anywhere by now.

We'll find him.

We have to.

I'm coming, my love.

Blimey!

He came this way...

traveling 4 leagues per hour.

No!

Never run from a big cat, Lawrence.

Gigantor, get your flashlight out!

These cats want to play!

Whoo-wee! He's got it, boy!

Well played, sir.

Run!

Where the devil could Lancelot be?

Come on!

You better let me out of here,

you revolting ape-man!

What are you staring at?

Stop looking at me!

Have you never seen a beautiful,

attractive, gorgeous woman before...

who could be a model if she

didn't love pizza so much?

I know what you're playing at...

and it ain't working.

Not working.

Wait, it is kind of working.

What have they done to Camelot?

In short, there's simply not

A more congenial spot

For happily ever-aftering

Than here in...

- Camelot

- At long last!

- Guinevere, my love.

- Hi.

Can I help you, mate?

It is I...

Sir Lancelot.

I have fulfilled my quest.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm not actually Guinevere.

I'm Alice Eve, and I think

you got a bit confused.

- Maybe you saw me on stage...

- Your voice is like music...

but I have no idea what you're saying.

Okay. Hey.

Hey, man.

Hey, buddy.

What she's saying is she's not Guinevere

because she's an actor.

Okay? So am I.

An actor?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

You know?

Do the crown.

Oh, sorry, of course. Hugh Jackman.

It was the crown.

I know, the whole...

Huge Ackman?

That's a ridiculous name!

It doesn't even sound real!

Only a coward would conceal

his true identity, Arthur.

No, it's Hugh Jackman.

I, on the other hand...

carry the treasure you sought

but could never find.

Behold the key to life everlasting!

Okay, I love the costume...

I love the enthusiasm...

but you're gonna have

to get off stage now.

Sir Lancelot, ladies and gentlemen.

Sir Lancelot.

Yes!

Very good.

Shame on you, Arthur!

You don't deserve your crown,

and you don't deserve your queen!

Prepare to feel the cold kiss

of my blade...

Huge Ackman!

Hey, buddy, this is all pretend.

See, just...

Well, that's not real.

None of it is.

It's not real.

It was a good performance.

- We were right in there.

- You were tonight.

But it's not real-real.

It's not real.

Not real?

Do you know how long

I dreamed of Camelot?

And for what? For nothing!

- Jeez!

- Nothing!

No, no, no.

Please just take your seats and...

What's up?

We're just as God made us.

Why don't you take a picture?

It'll last longer.

Okay, I've tried being nice.

That's enough.

Get off the stage right now!

Stay back! You don't scare me...

Huge Ackman.

Listen, mate, you don't

want to fight me, all right?

If we go, I will break you.

Come on!

What is that?

What are you doing?

- He's doing his Wolverine thing.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- You know?

It's better with the claws and no shirt.

Fair.

Lancelot!

Lancelot!

Oi, mate!

Hey, buddy, that's not an exit!

Yeah, come on up.

Yep. Come on up!

Oh, monkeys. Terrific.

I love the costumes.

Sorry. I just gotta say,

you're the whole package, man.

Thanks, buddy.

- He recognized you.

- Yeah, that was awesome.

Hey! Give me the tablet!

Stay back! Stay back.

- Stand back!

- Whoa!

Back!

What?

Your..

- Your nose, it's...

- What about my nose?

Your nose is dripping.

- What?

- It's melting. From the fire.

Okay.

How bad is it?

It is not great.

But I'm Lancelot!

There never was a Lancelot!

Lancelot is a legend.

You're not real.

I don't understand!

I know it's a lot to take in,

but please, just give me the tablet.

Oh, and then what? Back to the museum?

Stand there as little children

ogle and point?

And learn.

And get inspired to do great things.

There are far less noble fates,

my friend.

Not for me, there aren't!

If there is no Camelot...

there is no Guinevere and no Lancelot...

then I'm nothing.

I'm just a sad lump of misshapen wax.

Stop looking at my nose!

- I wasn't looking at it.

- You were, I saw you.

You were like this. "Hmm, hmm. " Staring.

- I wasn't like that.

- You were!

Don't look at it!

It really is hard not to look at.

Yes, he is.

- I didn't.

- I saw you!

- No, I'm looking at your eyes.

- Monkey, stop it!

Could you give me the tablet, please?

Give me the tablet.

If you give me the tablet,

I promise I won't...

Do not look at my nose!

- Give me the tablet.

- Look away. - Give me the tablet.

How hard could it be

not to look at my nose?

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