Night at the Museum Page #2

give you a little tour. Arthritic knees.

Not fun getting old, my friend. Go on.

You really think he's the one?

Oh, yes.

He's the one.

Gotta keep it moving, Larry.

I'm pretty spry for an old man.

This is the Diorama Room.

Oh, yeah.

I remember these little guys. Cute.

Cecil!

Hey, Cecil!

-Did I get you good?

-Yeah.

You got me.

Seriously, though, no fooling around

in here. This stuff is really old.

All right, then. As you can see,

it's pretty quiet in here these days.

On the left there is your Attila the Hun.

And here we have our Easter lsland head.

Hey, Cecil.

And this, of course,

is the Hall of African Mammals.

Ah, yes.

Monkeys. I love monkeys.

-Yeah.

-Guy's cute.

Yeah, we call him Dexter.

He's quite a little...

...ball of fun, aren't you, Dexter?

Moving on.

And, finally, this is the temple

of the Pharaoh Ahkmenrah.

And in that tomb right down there,

the pharaoh himself.

Neat.

And hanging on the wall behind him...

...was his most prized possession,

the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.

Twenty-four-carat gold.

It's worth a fortune.

Very cool.

It is indeed, Larry.

Very cool.

All right. Report here at 5 tomorrow.

We'll walk you through your duties.

Okay, 5. I'll be here.

Moving on.

Hey, it's me. So I got a job.

Larry, that's great. What is it?

It's a job...

...at the Museum of Natural History.

Yeah, so you can tell Nicky

that we won't be moving.

Larry, this is good news.

Yeah, no, definitely.

So I'll see you tomorrow?

-Okay.

-Okay, bye.

Larry?

Your keys. Your torch.

-Right.

-You'll wanna strap those to your belt.

It can get a little spooky

around here at night...

...so you might wanna

put a few lights on.

All right, flashlight, keys.

What am I for--?

The instruction manual.

Instructions.

You start with one, two, three....

Four?

Are you cracking wise?

I ought to punch you

in the nose, hopscotch.

Leave him alone, Gus.

You got it covered, right, Larry?

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

-You better get it!

-Gus.

Larry, do them in order,

do them all and do them quick.

And the most important thing of all

to remember:
Don't let anything in or out.

Out?

Good luck, son.

-Night, Gus.

-Young buck. Cracking wise.

Moving on.

Hello?

Hello!

Check!

Check.

I am Larry.

Check! Larry! Larry.

Monday! Monday! Monday!

Monster Truck Rally.

Cecil?

Okay, very funny, Cecil!

What is this, like a

David Copperfield thing?

This is weird.

Cecil?

Come on. Revolve. Revolve!

-Name, please?

-Cecil...

-...Fredricks!

-One moment. Connecting.

-Hello.

-Cecil! It's Larry Daley!

Larry. Yes, how can I help you?

The dinosaur-- The dinosaur is alive!

I'm having a little trouble

hearing you, friend.

Tequila.

The dinosaur's alive!

What do I do?

Tell me what to do!

Read the instructions.

It explains everything.

Okay, I got them!

-I'll see you tomorrow.

-Wait! What--?

What bone?

Fetch?

Play fetch?

No way.

-Dum-dum.

-Yes?

-You give me gum-gum.

-I give you gum-gum?

You new dum-dum.

You give me gum-gum.

Okay, you know what?

I have no gum-gum. Sorry.

And my name isn't dum-dum,

my name's Larry.

No, your name dum-dum.

Oh, you in trouble, dum-dum.

You'd better run-run

from Attila the Hun-Hun.

See you later, dum-dum.

What is happening?

Hey.

How you doing?

Are you...?

You're...

..."Sakagahwahwaya"?

You're "Sakagawaya"?

Oh, Sakagawea. You're Sakagawea?

The glass. I can't...

...hear you.

You can't...? You can't hear me?

Excuse me.

"Who assisted the Lewis and Clark--"

Right, so that's Lewis and Clark

and you're.... Right.

You seem-- I'm Larry.

What's going on? What's--?

Do you know what's going on here?

Huns. I gotta--

Hey. Hi.

Tin Man. Hey. Hi. How you doing?

I'm new. It says I'm supposed to

lock up the lions or they'll eat me.

You're Galileo? No?

Okay....

Hey, I'm the....

Hi. I'm the new guy

and I'm just locking up, so....

If it's cool with you

I'm just gonna get my paperwork...

...and be out of your hair, okay?

"Double-check your belt.

The monkey probably stole your keys."

Monkey.

Hey. Hey there. Hi.

What's your name? Your name is....

No, no, no. Come back. Come back.

Dewey? Is that your name, Dewey?

No, no, no. What's--? Dewey?

Dexter? Dexter. Dexter, right?

Hey, Dexter,

you wanna give me those keys?

I just want to lock up.

Yes. Oh, good. Come to Papa.

Oh, thank you. Can I have those keys?

Oh, good. What a good boy.

That's okay. Oh, thank you.

Oh, no, no, no. It's okay.

Thank you very, very much.

Bad monkey. Stop that.

That's not right. Are you done?

Do you have an issue with me?

Do you have an issue with me?

Because if I have a problem with somebody,

I don't pee on them, okay?

And also-- Let me tell you something.

These keys?

Hey. Dexter, that's not funny.

Give it back.

Dexter. Give--

Don't. I know what you're thinking.

Don't do it. Not a good idea.

Not-- Dexter, I need those.

Don't encourage him. You think

you're funny for your friends, huh?

You three guys-- What, he's the ringleader,

you're the audience?

Yeah, no. Don't do it, okay?

Lookit-- You!

Oh, this is not happening.

Oh, man.

What are you guys doing?

I can't feel my lip.

Oh, sh*t.

Man.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, stop that.

Hog-tie him, boys.

-Get him, that big old Bocephus of a man.

-Hey, what are you doing?

Cinch him up good.

You ain't so big now, are you?

Hey. Hey, stop that.

Every night, year after year...

...one of you guards

locks us up in these boxes.

Well, I hereby say, sir, enough!

Fire up the iron horse, boys.

-Hey, blondie?

-Name's Jedediah.

All right, Jedediah. Stop the train, please.

-That's a big no-can-do, Cracker Jack.

-What's going on here, huh?

-Somebody's gotta pay.

-Pay for what?

I don't know. Just pay. Now, stop whining

and just take it like a man.

Seriously, stop the train.

-All right, stop the train.

-Thank you.

Now full speed ahead and ram him!

Split his head like a watermelon!

For crying out loud.

All right, that's enough.

We got a breach.

I got him. I got him. I got him, guys.

I got him--

-Oh, my....

-Prepare the catapults.

Octavius, hold on. This ain't your fight.

This here giant's on our land.

Hey, little guy. Jed? Yeah.

Sorry, look. I just-- I'm not a giant.

I'm just an average-sized--

Don't talk down to me.

I'm not a giant, guys. All right?

You guys are really little.

We may be small,

but our hearts are large...

...metaphorically speaking.

Don't take that wrong.

I'm saying you're miniatures.

Silence! The Roman Empire

knows no boundaries.

-Don't you do it, son.

-Do what?

-Octavius.

-Don't do what?

-Unleash hell!

-Don't--

Climb aboard, boy.

Take the hand, son.

Onboard.

That's right. You better run, boy.

You hear Jedediah?

That mustachioed horseman ain't always

gonna be there to protect you, you hear me?

-Thank you.

-Not at all.

Theodore Roosevelt,

...of these United States of America

at your service.

Okay. I'm Larry Daley,

the new night guard.

Pleasure to me you, Lawrence Daley.

You'll have to excuse me, though.

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