Night at the Museum Page #5

End of the line, cool breeze.

End of the line.

I am not playing games here.

Just hand them over.

Easy. That's it, Dexter.

Nice and easy, Dex. That's it.

Good Lord, Lawrence!

Why are you slapping a monkey?

Teddy, this guy's been pushing me,

and I'm sick of it!

Poppycock. This little creature is

your primate brother.

Without him, there's no us.

Are you rabid?

Wipe that off.

You have to deal with this creature

with love and respect.

May I have the keys, dear friend?

Thank you. Lawrence?

Well, you know what?

You seem to know what you're doing,

so I'm gonna let you take over.

No, no. My dear boy, you can't put up

the white flag now.

The museum is on the verge

of total anarchy.

I tried! I came back tonight,

didn't l?

Tried? That was one night. I didn't build

the Panama Canal in one day.

That's great, but I'm dealing with

the most ridiculous job in history.

Some men are born great, Lawrence--

Yeah, I know. Others have

greatness thrust upon them.

You hit me with that chestnut

last night.

The thing is, not everyone is great.

That's the problem.

Some of us are just ordinary.

No, you're not, Lawrence.

Stop wallowing in self-pity.

Every journey begins with a footstep.

Teach the inhabitants to get along,

they wouldn't need to be locked up.

That means a lot coming from a guy

who's spent the last 50 years...

...spying on a girl he's never even

talked to.

I was going to make contact.

Lawrence, please.

I'm done, all right?

No, Rexy! No!

Oh, no.

All right.

No one comes here anymore. Besides,

I took this tour in second grade, Daley.

I'm telling you,

my dad's gonna hook us up.

-Mr. Daley?

-Yeah?

-Foam.

-Yes, I know.

In the Neanderthal display.

There was an incident last night

with the fire extinguisher.

I was on my way to go clean it up.

Okay, don't bother. You're fired.

I don't think we're getting a tour today.

Your dad just got canned, dude.

Excuse me?

Mr. McPhee?

Excuse me, Mr. McPhee?

Can I talk to you about this, please?

-Sir?

-What?

I know I screwed up, but I finally

understand how to do this job.

-You obviously don't.

-No, I didn't, but now I do.

-Really, Mr. McPhee--

-Doctor.

Dr. McPhee.

Can you please give me one more night?

-One more night.

-Okay, thank you.

And if anything is the tiniest...

...after your shift:

Because....

-Got it.

-Okay?

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice....

Shame on me. Fool me--

Shame on me.

-You.

-Fool me twice.... Got it.

-Take it or leave it.

-Okay. Thank you.

-Hey.

-Hey.

-What's wrong?

-Maybe you should ask Nicky.

Hey, buddy. What's going on?

You got fired.

What are you talking about?

I didn't get fired.

I came to the museum this morning.

I saw your boss yelling at you.

Why didn't you tell me?

Everything's fine.

We just had a little misunderstanding.

Why?

It's hard to explain.

I mean, you wouldn't bel--

You know what? Let me show you.

-Show me what?

-Come to work with me tonight.

Larry?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Am I in trouble?

Larry, what are you doing?

I just wanna show him what I do.

That's all.

I love that you wanna share that

with him, but I gotta tell you...

...I don't think Nicky has any room

in his heart for more disappointment.

He won't be disappointed.

Larry.

He won't be disappointed.

Listen, hang out in the security

office till everyone's gone.

Then I'm gonna come get you.

All right?

Hey, miss? I'm gonna have to ask you

to vacate the premises.

-Hey there.

-Hey.

-Good place to think, huh?

-Yeah. Definitely.

So no big plans tonight?

Yeah, no, I'm not really

a big-plan person.

I prefer hanging out with people

who are dead for 200 years.

It's the live ones that throw me.

That's cool. Seriously though,

you do have to leave.

-Seriously?

-Yeah, sorry. It's museum rules.

We're sort of locking everything up.

You're really taking your job seriously.

You know, once I clip on the tie,

I'm all business.

-I get it.

-Yeah.

How's that dissertation coming?

I've hit a dead end. I mean,

research can only get me so far.

I'm never gonna know

who she really was.

So I think it's time that I move on

to another subject.

I'll let you get back to work.

-Good night, Larry.

-Yeah, okay.

Night.

Hey.

Rebecca!

-Hey, Rebecca.

-Hey.

Hey. Listen, I don't think you should

give up on your paper.

Okay. Why?

All right, look, this is gonna

sound crazy, all right?

I mean, it's gonna sound, like,

really, really crazy.

-Okay.

-No, I mean insanely crazy.

-I can handle it.

-Okay.

You know how they say in certain

museums, history comes alive?

-Yeah.

-ln this museum...

...it actually does.

What are you talking about?

Everything in this museum

comes to life at night.

-Really?

-Yeah, really. I'm not kidding you.

You know that tablet?

The Tablet of Ahkmenrah?

It actually brings things to life.

It's like some ancient spell.

Since the '50s, every night

everything's been coming to life.

Teddy Roosevelt told me. Seriously.

The monkey, Dexter? The cute little--

-What is he?

-Capuchin.

A capuchin. Right. The capuchin.

He urinated on me and bit my nose.

And Sakagawea is in her case,

alive every night...

...just listening to Lewis and Clark

argue.

So if you really wanna get inside

her head...

...I can hook that up.

That's cool.

Yeah, it's cool. It's freaking awesome.

Make fun of the history geek.

-No. Rebecca!

-Good night, Larry.

No, I'm not making fun of you.

Rebecca.

-Here you go. Best seat in the house.

-What's going on?

If I told you, you'd think I'm crazy.

I'm gonna show you.

-What?

-You'll see in about 20 seconds.

-Okay, you like Tyrannosaurus Rex?

-Yeah.

Yeah? Well, I call him Rexy.

And he's about to come to life,

Nicholas, in...

...five, four, three, two....

-Dad?

-Hang on a sec.

Say hello to Rexy!

Dad, are you okay?

This is weird.

Guys! Come on!

Sundown!

Hey, T.R., come on, rise and shine.

Buddy, I need you to wake up.

Come on, my kid is here.

I need you to wake up.

Texas? Texas! Come on!

Texas! Come on! Get on, Texas!

Get on, Texas! Get up.

Just stop, okay?

No, Nicky, I'm telling you,

there's this tablet, okay?

Called the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.

Every night--

-Now there's a tablet?

-Yeah, there is.

Come on, Dad.

Come on.

-It's gone.

-What's gone?

The tablet. I think somebody stole it.

Yeah, right.

I'm not kidding, Nicky.

Nicky?

Hey, Nicky!

Hey! Hey, Nicky! Where are you going?

-Home.

-What? Wait a minute.

Come on.

You guys shouldn't be here.

Give us the tablet, son.

Wait a minute, Nicky.

What are you guys doing?

We're not gonna hurt you.

Give us the tablet.

I'm sorry to tell you this, son,

but your dad doesn't work here.

He got fired this morning.

Couldn't hack it.

Dad? I thought you said

you weren't fired.

I did. They're lying,

trying to steal that thing.

Turn the middle piece,

you'll see what I was talking about.

That is museum property, son.

Give it back.

Nicky, trust me. Just turn it.

-Give us the tablet!

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