Night of Something Strange

1

(mysterious piano music)

(rhythmic thrumming)

(water splashing)

(door creaking)

(metal wheels creaking)

(thrumming melody)

(door chime beeping)

(lyrical chanting)

(deep bass music)

(rhythmic grunting)

(guttural groan)

(food sizzling)

- [Woman] Cornelius,

come get your dinner.

(low thrumming melody)

(agonized groaning)

(low orchestral music)

Cornelius.

(urine splashing)

Cornelius, are you deaf?

What in the hell do

you think you're doing?

Cornelius!

(growling)

Oh, oh, Cornelius!

What are you doing?

What the hell!

Cornelius!

(terrified cries)

No, no, no, no, no!

(fighting cries)

(screaming)

(aggressive grunting)

(both yelling breathily)

(deep guttural growling)

(muted warbles)

(forceful cry)

(pained groan)

(fearful utterances)

(deep vibrating tones)

(breathing heavily)

(forceful yell)

(blood squelching)

(whimpering cries)

(both screaming)

(wet squelching)

(sustained yowl)

(breathy grunts)

(suspenseful orchestral melody)

(low growls)

(heavy thud)

(brakes squeal)

(crashing thud)

(car hissing)

- Was that a bear?

- I think it was a man.

- A Man-bear?

- No, just a man.

- Oh m' God, oh m' God.

- Goddammit, Woody.

I thought you said you was

straight to drive, man.

(muted grunt)

(metallic thumps)

(suspenseful violin)

- What was that?

- I think it's under the truck.

(swelling violin melody)

- This is just like that movie,

where they ran over that dude

and they thought they

killed 'em, but they didn't,

and then he came back next

summer and then he killed them.

Sh*t, that's gonna happen to us.

We're gonna die!

- Goddammit, Woody,

we ain't gonna die.

Now back this f***in' truck up,

so we can get can get

the f*** outta here.

(swelling violin melody)

(heavy thud)

- [Woody] What the f***?

F*** this.

- Yes, Sir.

(repetitive percussive melody)

(ethereal vocalization)

(deep growl)

(strident screeching tones)

- [Christine VOICEOVER] With

a long-anticipated senior year

around the corner,

I think it's time to

join the secret society

of sleep addicts.

Who'm I kidding?

I dream loudly, but I have to

buckle down if I want to get

into a good college.

I don't wanna jinx myself.

Forget school for now.

After today, it's officially

beach week and I can't wait.

I'm going with my BFF

since grade school, Carrie

and her stupe-ass

boyfriend, Freddy.

- Spring break, b*tches.

- [Christine VOICEOVER]

I swear, one day,

I hope he knocks himself

out doing that pose.

(laughter)

- Have a seat, Fredrick.

- [Freddy] Yes, ma'am.

Hey, buddy.

(light thud)

(laughter)

- [Christine VOICEOVER]

Then there's Jason.

He's my half-cousin.

Which doesn't stop him from

trying to put the moves on me.

Barf.

(laughter)

(scoffs) Brooklyn, my other

BFF, Samara's douche-boyfriend.

He moved here in the sixth

grade but still claims New York.

Ew, I wish he would move back.

Which brings me to

Samara, she's in geometry,

probably chewing gum and

playing with her hair.

So, pen's off to

you, dear journal,

let's make this one black,

white, red and awesome.

(bell clanging)

All over.

(students chattering)

- Okay, class, settle down.

I want you to

spend the remainder

of the class reading Chapter

13 on moving proteins

into membranes.

- I've got some protein

that needs moving.

(tittering)

- You can move yourself

to the Principal's office,

if you like.

That's what I thought.

Now begin reading, class.

(muted traffic)

(engine roars)

("Mean Motherf***er Blues")

I woke up one morning

And I kicked my dog

I beat my neighbor's head in

With a big maple log

Then I called his

big fat hairy wife

A big fat hairy slob

I had the blues

The mean motherf***er blues

Yes, Pamela?

- May I be excused

to the restroom?

Hey soldier.

- Hey, you.

- Miss me?

- Oh, a little.

- You ass.

- Okay, okay.

I missed you.

- Get me the f*** out of here.

(car revs)

F*** school!

(whooping)

(laughter)

- Quiet down.

(phone vibrates)

(bell rings)

- [Christine] What happened?

- I should have dumped

his ass a long time ago.

- [Christine] What

did he do this time?

- Don't cock-block

me at the beach?

- You have gotta go, it's not

gonna be the same without you.

- [Samara] No chance.

- [{Carrie] Hey, Christine.

- Hey.

- Did you talk to Samara?

- Yeah, she's not coming.

- How many times is she

gonna put up with his sh*t?

- A million.

- I hope that kid falls.

- [Brooklyn] Yo.

Smell this.

- [Freddy] Dank

- Stank killah killah.

- [Jason] Can I smell?

- These aren't cut

up Twinkies, Jason.

F***in' lard ass.

- Oh my God, what the

f*** is he doing here?

What's he doing here?

Samara's not coming.

- [Freddy] I told him

he could still come.

- Why do you do that?

- Because he has the weed.

Get off my nuts.

(swelling orchestral melody)

(knocking)

- Hello?

(discordant chime)

(glass crashing)

(choking)

(muted thud)

(meandering orchestral music)

- Bathroom?

- [Clerk] It's around back.

- Woody, Woody.

Woody, Woody.

- What now?

- Hey man.

Go pay for petrol, man.

- This isn't enough

to get to Mexico on.

(bottles clanking)

(water gurgles)

(fuel pump clicking)

- Hey, a**hole, what

the f*** you lookin' at?

(doors slam)

(engine turns over)

(car revs)

(swelling string orchestral)

(loud aggressive growls)

(retching)

(sustained growling)

(splashing)

(bottles clinking)

- Let's get the

f*** out of here.

- What the f***'d you do, Woody?

- Road beers.

- Oh sh*t.

(engine turns over)

(whoops)

(scratchy orchestral music)

(water gurgling)

(loud sniffing)

(gurgling chomps)

(staccato violin)

- [Male GPS] Continue on

this route for 87 miles.

- Yo, can that GPS tell

us where we could get

some dank nugs?

- (scoffs) I wish.

- So, what's the first

thing you guys are gonna do

when you get to the beach?

- I'm gonna get f***in' drunk.

- I can't wait to just lay out.

- Me too and take

a dip in the ocean.

- Yeah, I can't wait to

part that mother-f***er.

- Yeah, swim, for sure.

- You gonna swim with your

shirt on again, Jason?

- What, I get sunburned easy.

- Yeah, it's not

'cause of your mits?

- Mits?

- Yeah, man tits.

(giggling)

- Shut up, Freddy.

I told you I was born

with an extra thyroid.

- And two stomachs like a cow.

- Cows have four

stomachs, dumb ass.

- Don't be jealous 'cause

Jason has bigger tits than you.

- F*** you, Freddy.

- Don't be a dick.

- What?

- Cool, weed.

What, I can get down.

- Hey, so, why did

Samara bail again?

- Oh, she had crabs, she didn't

wanna give it to everybody.

(laughing)

- Smart ass.

- [Christine] Yeah, right.

- Yeah, I need to take you

small-town peeps to BK,

show you how we get

down for real, for real.

- Yeah, I could

go for a Whopper.

- No, man, I'm talkin'

about Brooklyn, fool.

- I thought you said

you were from Syracuse.

- Well, yeah, I mean I am but

I hung out in Brooklyn a lot.

That's where my cousins stay at.

- Aren't they like,

really far apart?

Like hundreds of miles?

- Yeah, I live like

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