Night of Something Strange Page #2

right on the line.

What are you, The

Riddler or somethin'?

Stop askin' me so

many questions.

I'm tryin' to roll this blunt.

You know, this sh*t

right here is the truth.

- What the f***?

- Oh, sh*t, what.

Yo, this dude got a hard-on, yo.

- No, I don't.

- F***in' perv.

- Gross!

- What, I don't even know what

you guys are talking about.

- I have to go to the bathroom.

(slow suspenseful

orchestral melody)

(glass crunches)

(splats)

(dog barking)

(low growl)

(thumping rock melody)

(growling)

(doors slamming)

- [Brooklyn] Hey, Jason,

bring me back a sweet tea.

- Hi, where is your bathroom?

- Who wants to know?

- Uh, me?

I really need to use

your bathroom, miss.

- It's around back, darlin'.

- [{Carrie] Thank you.

- Honey, ain't you

forgettin' somethin'?

You need a key.

- Oh.

Thanks.

(discordant orchestral music)

(Carrie gasps)

- Don't you be goin' and

flushin' your bloody tampons

down that toilet and

leavin' 'em all which-away,

you throw 'em in the

goddamn trash, you hear?

- Um, okay.

- All you high school girls

bleed like Dracula f***ed

Willy Wonka and

formed a blood factory

and slaughtered all

those Oompa Loompas

and made a buncha bloody Marys.

Vagina Coyote Uglies.

A lot of Draculas' wives went

out on a night on the town

and went to a bachelor party

and all had their periods

at the same time.

- Yes, ma'am.

Oh my God.

What the f***?

- [Freddy] Alright,

you guys ready?

- [Jason] Just zoomin' out.

- This is so f***ed up Freddy.

- Shut up or I'm

gonna get you next.

- [Jason] Ready.

(Freddy grunts)

(flatulence)

- [Freddy] (chuckles)

There it is.

- [Christine] You better

not get me this time.

- You're safe, for now.

(slaps)

(low percussive music)

- [{Carrie] F***.

(sighs)

(music swells)

- What the f*** is she doing?

Dropping the kids

off at the pool

and giving them

swimming lessons?

- You're so gross.

(gasps)

(crickets chirping)

(door slams)

(urine tinkling)

(phone vibrating)

- That f***ing b*tch!

I knew I couldn't

f***ing trust her.

Goddammit, I knew it!

(frustrated growl)

Just relax, Dirk, you

don't wanna Hulk out.

It's been six weeks

since you've been laid,

just, just be cool.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What's wrong, you look like

somebody killed your cat.

- Cat?

I don't have a f***ing cat.

Are you mistaking

me for someone else?

- It's an expression,

what's your problem?

(tense violin ensemble)

- Express this, b*tch.

(weapon fires)

- Hello, Dirk?

- Cat?

I'm a f***ing dog person,

don't you know me at all?

(low suspenseful

orchestral music)

(sniffing)

(snuffling growls)

(retching)

- Whoa, whoa, what the f***?

- Pull over!

- Oh, my God, Carrie!

Freddy, pull over.

(gravel crunching)

(strident orchestral melody)

- [{Carrie] Oh, f***!

(retching)

- [Freddy] Oh, what did you eat?

- [Christine] Shut up, Freddy.

- [Brooklyn] Oh, Sh*t!

(retching)

- Maybe she just needs to

eat some grass or something.

- Really, Freddy?

- Well, that's what my dog does

when his stomach gets upset.

(tense orchestral melody)

(measured growls)

- [Christine] You

don't look bad.

- [{Carrie] I feel better.

- [Christine] Are you sure?

- Yeah, I think it was

just something I ate.

School cafeteria, I don't know.

- Yeah, looks like

Friday's corn dogs.

- [Christine] Let's

get out of here.

- [Freddy] Why don't

you shut up, Jason?

(music swelling)

(growling)

(engine roars)

(quiet thrumming melody)

(soft string melody)

(low indistinct growl)

(metal can scraping)

(screeching suspenseful melody)

(heavy thumping rock music)

(demonic vocalization)

(slapping thud)

(aggressive growl)

(bone cracking)

(aggressive growls)

(gentle rain)

(low orchestral score)

- Holy sh*t-hole.

Alright, Jason, let's go.

- For what?

- Because I said.

I have something

important to tell you.

- No you don't, you're just

gonna tell me something dumb

when we get in there.

- Guys, just go.

- Yeah, go, Freddy.

- Get the f*** outta the car.

- Okay, God.

- Hey, how are you feeling?

- Better, just having

some major cramps.

- Are you starting?

- No, I already had it.

(moaning)

(bed springs creaking)

(phone vibrating)

(moaning)

- Yeah, baby, choke me.

Come on baby.

(moaning)

Go easy, baby, not so tight.

(moaning)

(heavy breathing)

That was hot.

You never got kinky

like that, baby.

- Are you on the rag?

- Yeah, sorry.

We've done it when

I'm ragging before.

- Not with me.

(creepy instrumental)

(xylophone dinging)

- [Clerk] What can I do you for?

- [Freddy] We'd like two rooms.

- King size it is.

Smoker or non?

- No, we'd like two rooms.

- Two rooms?

Are you guys with

another couple?

- No, they're for us.

- Well, you know those

don't connect, right?

- We're not gay.

- Weren't you holdin'

his dick on the way in?

Because I don't like

cleaning blood off the sheets

And sh*t off the ceilings.

- No, sir.

- Okay, two non-gay rooms.

That'll be 69.35.

(melody swells)

(slow suspenseful instrumental)

Check-out is 11 a.m.

You wanna lick my balls?

- What?

- Do you wanna lick my balls?

- Excuse me, sir, one more time?

- I said do you

want a wake-up call.

- Oh, no, we're good.

- [Clerk] You're all set.

Those rooms are at the end

of the building on the left.

- Thank you.

- Oh, and guys?

Enjoy your stay.

- Thanks.

Hey, look, I know

we got two beds,

but why don't you go ahead and

sleep out in the car, buddy?

- What? No.

I paid for one of those rooms.

- Come on, I'm

just tryin' to get

some alone time with Carrie.

- No, man, forget that.

Plus, dude, she smells like

corn dogs and throw up.

- Just gimme 10 minutes, I'll

wave you in when I'm done.

- No, man, I'm tired.

- How about I break

off your butt plug?

- Alright, fine,

10 minutes, Freddy.

(sign buzzing)

(suspenseful instrumental)

- [Brooklyn] We

at the beach yet?

- No, we're stopping

for the night.

Jason, what are you doing?

- I think he wants to

jerk off or somethin'.

- No, Freddy said I

had to sleep in the car

so he could have

sex with Carrie.

- You fat f***.

- You're unbelievable.

- You are such a dick, Freddy.

(pained grunt)

- Now see what you made me do?

And if I see you step one foot

inside that room,

I will f*** you up.

(frustrated growl)

- (scoffs) Freddy!

- What, I'm not doin' nothin'.

Babe, are you still upset

because of what fat-ass said?

'Cause I'll kick his

ass if you want me to.

What, I will, for you.

I'm not gonna let anyone

disrespect my girl.

- [{Carrie] Oh, come on, Freddy.

- No, I'm for real.

You can't let little punks

like that get to you.

Throughout your life you're

gonna come across people

who constantly

wanna knock you down

because you're a good person.

I know, because I'm good people.

- Freddy, I'm not

having sex with you.

- What sex?

That's the furthest

thing from my mind.

Unless you want to.

- [{Carrie] No, I

don't feel well.

- Babe, I got blue balls.

- Good, I hope they fall off.

- How can you say that?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes