Night of Something Strange Page #3

Our twins are in there, Fredrick

the second and Fredrina.

- I'm sick here.

Are you seriously still talking?

There's no such

thing as blue balls,

it's just something

guys say to get laid.

- It's not just blue balls,

the men in my family

have a long history

of producing 10 times the

amount of testosterone

of the average Greek

God or gorilla.

We have to have sex every day,

preferably 10 times a day.

- Yeah, so you've told me.

- Then you know it

could be leading

to explosive penis syndrome.

Rumor has it the last

Pope died from it.

- Freddy, if you don't get

the f*** out of my face

with that sh*t, you'll be

lucky to get any this trip.

(tense violin music)

- Your f***in' loss, b*tch.

Can I at least jerk

off on your ass?

- Get out!

(crickets chirping)

- F***in' blue balls.

(heavy breathing)

- [Clerk] You alright, boy?

- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm

just takin' a leak.

Our bathrooms

smells kinda funny.

- Well, you know if you shake

it more than three times,

you're playin' with it.

- Yeah, I've heard that.

But I'm only on the

second shake, so I'm good.

- Okay.

(engine turns over)

- Yes, right there, right there.

Carrie, come here, get

on my left testicle.

Oh, clever girl,

oh, just like that.

(moans)

Jason, get the f*** out.

Carrie, oh, yeah.

Goddamn charlie horse.

(metallic clang)

(slow melodic instrumental)

(frustrated growl)

(sustained growling)

(thrumming heavy instrumental)

(screaming)

- Ah!

Ah! Ah, Carrie!

There's someone or

something out there.

I think she wanted my shoes.

Are you okay?

- Why?

Do I not look okay?

- No you, you look great.

Your hair is pretty.

- I need you to do me a favor.

- Yeah, what?

- I want you to f***

me as hard as you can.

- What?

- I want you to f***

me as hard as you can.

- F*** it.

(toilet flushing)

(water splashing)

- Why are you

smoking that in here?

- To get rid of

the smell of sex.

- It doesn't smell

like sex in here.

(static hissing)

- Not yet.

- I'm not having sex with you.

- Aight, aight, aight,

how 'bout a nice blow job

for a big red apple?

- What? Ew, no.

- So you'll do it

for free, then?

- Are you stupid?

We're not hooking up.

- Okay, Sherlock, why do you

think we are conveniently

here in the same room together?

- This was supposed to

be me and Samara's room.

- And Samara invited me.

- And you and Samara

aren't together anymore.

- That's why she ain't here.

(TV static)

- City was better

the first time.

- But I hear Pat's,

like shakin' and sh*t.

- [TV Actor] You couldn't

hear that 300 pound hit

on top of the hood.

- [TV Actor] F*** you

- [TV Actor] Move your

big ass mother-f***er.

(bed squeaking noisily)

(phone buzzing)

(muted TV voices talking)

- [TV Actor] Well,

look, for real?

They say that a little bit.

- [TV Actor] What?

Man, f*** her.

- Who are you texting?

(TV dialog droning)

- Just one of my friends.

- Mmhm.

Guy or girl?

- Girl.

She's sending me pics

of her new puppy.

- Oh really?

- Yeah.

- Lemme see.

- I had to delete it,

my in-box was full.

(sighs)

Are you being jealous?

- F*** this.

- What the f***

is wrong with you?

- When you say puppy, do you

really mean big fat dick?

- I don't even know what

you're talking about.

- Oh, really?

- Really.

- I saw the pictures

on your phone, Pam.

- You went through my phone?

How crazy are you?

- Not crazy enough

to be with you.

(door slams)

- F***er.

Dirk, you better get

back here, you p*ssy

or I'm never gonna

f*** you again.

- I've had better

sex in boot camp.

- Dirk.

(screams)

(tense orchestral music)

(slams)

(growling)

(screaming)

(violin screeching)

- Damn, boy, you like

you're a fart away

from shittin' yourself.

- [Dirk] I'm sorry, sir.

- Everything all

right with your room?

- Yeah, room's fine, it's

just the b*tch that's in it.

- Hey, dickbag.

- Excuse me?

- You got a bloody

hitchhiker riding with you.

Hold still while I flick it off.

(squelching)

- Thanks.

- [Clerk] Don't mention it.

(screaming)

(squishing thud)

(splattering)

(screaming)

(slurping chomps)

(rhythmic groans)

- F*** me.

- [Jason] I am.

- F*** me!

- I am!

(rhythmic groans)

Carrie?

Carrie?

Carrie?

(frightened groans)

Oh, what the f***?

(wet chomping)

(screaming)

Oh, f***!

(screaming)

(groans)

- Oh, f***.

Oh, yeah.

Right there, oh,

this is awesome.

Yeah.

(heavy breathing)

- I was wonderin' when

you were gonna come to.

- Oh, what the f***?

- That's a pretty nice goose

egg you got on your noggin.

Why don't you put your

peter back in your pants?

Follow your

chicken-chokin' ass with me

and I'll have the

missus fix you up.

- No, I'm alright, man.

(creepy instrumental)

What the f***.

Carrie?

What's up with the lights?

Carrie?

Oh, there you are.

And you're naked.

What a nice surprise.

You been waitin' for me?

(whimpers)

What can daddy do for you?

I know.

Freddy will fix you right up.

Oh, yeah.

I've been waitin'

for this all week.

You're a little dry.

I'm gonna be wettin'

you up with my tongue.

(slurping)

You're a bit stinky

tonight baby,

but, I love it

when you're stinky.

Some of your dinner slipped

down into your lunchbox, babe,

but I love peanuts, too.

(slurping)

Man, your clit is so

swollen it's like two clits.

And a banana.

Let me get little

Freddy in there,

I mean big Freddy in there, now.

You're a little

extra tight, baby.

(groaning)

Oh, yeah.

F***.

Ah, this feels good.

F***.

(groaning)

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, f***.

I'm gonna have to hit

you up on the recharge.

(moaning)

- Brooklyn, I invited

Samara, she invited you.

You two aren't

together anymore, yet,

you're here and she's not.

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

- So, what you're saying is.

I make you feel safe.

- What?

Where would you get

an idea like that?

- It's aight, it's aight,

I know what you meant.

I'll protect you.

You see these?

These are considered

deadly weapons.

They are registered

in all 65 states.

I shouldn't even be

wearin' these right now.

Why you think I had to

move out of Brooklyn?

'Cause I was banned.

You wanna know what

my warrior name was?

Big Fat Dick Deadly Hands.

I can't even jerk off with

these bad boys no mo'.

- [Christine] I'm

going for a walk.

- Cool, can you bring

me back a sweet tea

and some Ginger Snaps?

- Yeah, sure.

(soft snoring)

- Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, you still got

a good grip on me.

Feels like someone's

ready for round two.

(groaning)

Oh, f***.

You like that, baby?

Yeah, you do like that.

Oh.

Okay, I'm gonna go again.

Oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Oh.

(kisses)

Okay.

Carrie?

Come on.

Come on, loosen up, Carrie.

Come on, I can't pull it out.

Carrie, come on.

Come on, you gotta let go.

Carrie?

What the hell?

(sinister orchestral music)

Oh, what the f***?

Oh, no no no no no no.

F*** you fat faggy f***.

Come on, come on.

Get off me, you fat, fat, f***.

(heavy thud)

Oh, no, no no no no,

get the f*** off me,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes