Night of the Comet

Since before recorded time...

it had swung through the universe

in an elliptical orbit so large ...

that its very existence

remained a secret of time and space.

But now, in the last few years

of the 20th century,

the visitor was returning.

The citizens of Earth would get an extra

Christmas present this year,...

as their planet orbited

through the tail of the comet.

Scientists predicted a light show

of stellar proportions,

something not

seen on Earth for 65 million years.

Indeed, not since the time...

that the dinosaurs

disappeared, virtually overnight.

There were a few who saw this as more

than just a coincidence,

but most didn't..

I'm showing you the top of the line here.

This is the best we have.

- This is $9.50. Now this...

- $9.50?

But wait, this is $8. Okay?

This is $7.50.

This lady over here,

she's wearing the $7.50.

Yeah, right.

- Let me tell you about this.

Blow on it. See? See how nice that is?

Isn't it great?

Now, I know you got $9.50.

And this spring, look at it.

Isn't that nice?

And the other side. Look at it.

Isn't that great? It's $9.50.

Enjoy the movie.

Excuse me. Where's the men's room?

- In a minute.

- Hey, you work here or not?

Hey, Regina.

Regina, give that thing a rest, will you?

In a minute, Mel.

Look, I don't pay you

to do that kind of stuff around here.

Regina, I want you to clean everything up,

so we can get out of here

in time to watch the comet.

- Everything's cleaned up.

Damn!

I want you to take this flashlight

and walk the house.

Mel, they throw things at me.

Who cares? Walk the house.

Have you ever been hit with Dots, Mel?

Milk Duds?

Those things hurt.

- I don't...

Oh, how are you, sir?

The refreshments are right over there.

Thank you.

I don't want those weirdoes cutting up

the seats, you understand?

Okay. Okay, okay.

Replacing Reg in third place is Reg.

Third place.

Wait a minute.

Somebody named DMK in sixth place.

When did this happen?

Look, don't be an overachiever. You'll fit in

better with your age group, okay?

- This is really annoying.

- Regina. Regina, look over here.

Regina, look at me!

Read my lips.

Flashlight. Walk house. Now.

Okay, Mel.

- Let me take this for you.

- That's great... There go the profits.

And listen, stay out

of the projection booth.

And stay away from Dupree.

I'm gonna fire that guy someday.

He's been doing to me

what he's been doing to her in the booth.

He's been doing to me

what he's been doing to her in the booth.

- "David, that was a scream.

- "You're right.

I 'il go see. You stay here.

I'm talking about a mint-condition

print of It Came from Outer Space.

In 3D, man. Yeah, right.

Look, you know as well as I do

you got film freaks that'd go down on you

for a bootleg print of that.

Something wrong with the phone here?

Did I hear you say $100?

Look, $100 isn't gonna get it this time.

Because I'm gonna have to

spend the night in here

waiting for you to bring the print back.

Think I'm gonna miss this comet thing

for a lousy $100?

"Help me!

Okay 110's a little better, yeah.

Hey, Reggie, here's the deal.

You leave, I let you in the backdoor.

Okay? I leave, you let me back in.

Mel thinks everybody's gone.

- Larry, do you know anybody named DMK?

- No.

No, you got to have the print back

by 6:
00 in the morning.

You know, if we spend the night in here,

we're gonna miss the comet.

It's not like you can't see it

on television, you know.

all right, hey.

Get your guy here in an hour.

Yeah, well, maybe I want to

see it for real, okay?

Hey, television's real.

Television's very real.

So, what do you say? I'll give you $15.

Are you kidding?

We spend the night in here,

we end up making it,

and you give me 15 bucks?

Do you know

what that makes me look like?

Reggie, I'm not giving you $15

for making it with me.

Okay, well, just so

we have that straight, okay?

Yeah, for sure.

I mean, you'd be worth a lot more

than $15. Everybody knows that.

The first earthlings to see the

effects will be in Newfundland.

Or, Newfoundland.

This is expected to begin at 2.04.

That's Pacific Standard Time.

Hey, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy.

...Interesting sidebar to this story

is the fact that all telecommunications

seem to be out in that part

of the world.

This could have...

Hello?

Samantha, you sound pissed.

I just had it out with Doris

once and for all, again.

She wants me to, like, haul chips and dips

around for her little comet party.

Yeah, well, speaking of Doris...

Look, I need your help.

Tell her that you know all about this

field trip that I'm gonna take, okay,

with my science class. We're gonna go

to the observatory to watch the comet.

- She won't go for it.

- She'll go for it. Just tell her, okay?

Okay.

Doris? Reggie's on the phone.

She's not having car trouble?

She's gonna be out all night

with her science class at the observatory.

I know everything.

Yeah, hi, Doris.

- What's this about a science class, Regina?

Well, you want me to do better

in science, don't you?

I want you home in five minutes

after you finish work.

If you wanna watch the comet,

you can do it here.

Look, Doris. I have 18 years ...

Look, Doris. Like, I'm 18, okay,

and I can watch the comet wherever

I want to watch the comet.

Here, Samantha, you and your sister

share a lot of secrets.

I want you to share this one with her.

If it were up to me,

I couldn't care less what she did.

But if your father makes it back home

without some Sandinista

blowing his brains out,

he's gonna hold me responsible

for any kind of trouble

you two girls get into.

What we have here is a chain of command.

The Major jumps on me, I jump on you.

Did you get that? Okay.

- Now, are you going to join the party?

- Join the party for what Doris?

So I can watch Chuck from across the street

stick his hands down your pants?

I think that's something

Daddy should know.

Chuck's a nice guy.

He's certainly nice to be with

while Daddy's down in Banana Land.

You were born with an a**hole, Doris.

You don't need Chuck.

Looks like a real nice crowd

we have out here tonight.

Sarah, Chucky.

Hey, where have you been? You're gonna

miss everything. It's going to start.

Oh, kids.

I'll never marry another man with kids.

In 1910, Halley's comet returned.

Everybody thought

they were going to die then.

- What was that?

- Look!

You wanna know what bugs me about all this?

What?

Well, I'm always afraid

someone's gonna see us, you know?

See us how? There's no windows.

They can't see through walls.

Well, Superman can see through walls.

Not these walls. They're made out of steel.

Used to be a fire law.

Superman can see through steel.

No, it's the one thing he cannot see through.

That's lead, you nerd.

- Lead?

Yeah. I mean, Superman can see through

steel like it wasn't there, even.

Larry!

Well, I guess I'm the only one who's not

outside watching the meteor shower.

Perhaps put the radio on autopilot

and leave me.

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