Night of the Living Deb Page #2

Hey! You break it, you buy it, bucks!

Sh*t! Aaah!

Happy holidays.

You've reached Yule Mart.

We'll be open July 4th until noon

and all day on the 5th.

You'll love our frankincense

and myrrh-chandise! Get it?

Hi, I don't know if I should be your hero.

Homeboy didn't want to

see me again after last night.

I guess, in the light of day,

I seemed like some sort of monster.

Rubes, you gotta tell me

What happened last night,

cos I don't remember bupkis.

- Was I some sort of jackhole or something?

- Why Won't she leave?

Hello'?

Piece of kaka phone!

Really?!

Uh!

Hello'?

Joe?

Anybody?

Don't!

Don't make me!

The parade's really gone

downhill this year.

Come on! Get off!

All right, Joe...

I got a large Casco Bay blend here.

Joe?

All right.

Oh, hey, man.

There you are. What's going on'?

Dude, Why are you eating afoot?

Joe!

Joe!

Help! God!

Aagh! Aagh!

Oh, my God!

What is that?! This is horrible!

Joe!

Sorry, Joe.

Uh!

Come on, come on, come on!

- No, wait, wait! My place, my place!

- Okay.

What is this...?

Well, I've never seen one before, but it

seems, son of, like a zombie apocalypse.

Oh! You know, at least

they're not the sprinter type.

They re more of the old-school,

cerebral palsy variety.

Hey, that's Manny, from up the street.

He really does have OP.

Oh, I'm sorry! I was just trying to...

Wooah!

Okay, some of them run!

So sorry.

- So What are we gonna do'?!

- I don't know!

I don't have a whole lot of experience

with this type of thing!

- Why are you taking off your shoes?!

- Because it's filthy outside!

Okay, okay, calm down.

Okay.

We need information. We need to

figure out if it's affecting everyone.

Okay. TV.

Okay.

Where's CNN'?

I don't have it. I got rid of

cable a couple of months ago.

Oh, that's cool. I have some friends

that did that and it sounded so liberating.

Though not actually that helpful right now!

I still get the local stuff.

The annual event drew famished foodies

from Bangor to Brunswick

to support the fire department's

annual pancake breakfast...

Good! It hasn't spread across town.

No, not necessarily.

This is yesterdays broadcast.

Which you know because

you were running the camera.

Are you being weirdly sarcastic

or how do you know that'?

You told me last night that

you work at the news station.

Now Why would they

rerun a news broadcast?

That's What I

don't understand.

Radio! Do you have one'?

..Area and wait for help.

Repeat message 5-B.

- Couldn't we have taken the radio out of the...

- Sssh!

- Stay in your homes with the doors locked.

- This is it!

The Governor has declared a state of

emergency and alerted the National Guard.

Symptoms of the ailment include

slurred speech, wild movement,

an appetite for human flesh,

and both slow and fast walking.

If loved ones display these traits, isolate

them in a secure area and wait for help.

"Loved ones". I gotta call Stacy.

- Repeat message 5-B.

- Wait!

You guys broke up, right'?

I think I left my phone at the coffeshop.

You Went to a coffeeshop'?

I thought that you already had your coffee?

- That's very interesting.

- Can I use yours?

Oh, boy! I think that I should

conserve battery power.

Please.

Oh!

Okay. Make it snappy.

Wait. Seriously, this is

What you use to call people?

- Okay, listen, if you don't want to use it...

- No, no. It's fine.

I just, er...

- Er...

- You don't know her number'?

No! I... Ssh! All right'?

I'm trying to think.

The prospects for your relationship

are not looking good.

I always just use speed dial, all right'?

Everybody does that.

Listen, no one is judging you.

I'm just saying that when I care about someone,

I commit their phone number to memory.

Like my mom.

Oh, shark, my mom!

Gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme!

- Hello?

- Mom'.!

- Are there zombies there?

- Gotcha! You've reached my voicemail.

- Please leave a message.

- Jesus, Mom, I hate this gag.

Just kidding, it's actually me.

Oh, oh... Mom, are you really there?

Well, of course, little Miss Magoo.

Happy Fourth of July!

Er, have you been outside yet today?

Why, yes, I was just down

at the Pick 'n Save.

And are there people

eating other people's flesh?

I'm in Virginia Beach, honey, not Florida.

Mom, listen to me. The people here

are infected with something.

I'm trying to get down there,

but if I don't make it...

take care of yourself.

- Deb?

- I love you.

- Are you there?

- Ma'?

- Can you hear me?

- Still using that janky old phon...?

- Dammit!

Mm.

Okay, let's take stock of

What we have and, er...

Oooh!

Board up the windows. Way ahead

of you, chief. Pee corner's over there.

That end table was a matching set! And we

don't need a pee corner, I've got a bathr...

You know what? We're getting out of here.

Help me!

Ooh!

All right, they're drawn to the noise.

We'll have to leave quietly.

But... you heard the radio.

They said to hunker down and wait for

the National Guard or, you know, whatever.

And, just some food for thought,

we might want to start bonding

in case we have to repopulate the world.

- Just thinking out loud here.

- No, please don't, all right'?

Look, my fiancee, brother and father

are out there. They/ll be expecting me.

Breaking news - people are kind of

foregoing their holiday plans right now.

You'll be no help to them

if you get infected.

I'd rather take that risk than be

without the people I care about.

- Okay, whatever you Want. I'm staying put.

- But I need you!

It's weird. I know that We've only known each

other a short time, but I kind of feel...

- You have a car.

- Oh?

What happened to yours, player?

It's in the shop'?

- I don't have one. I ride my bicycle everywhere.

- Huh!

Everywhere except across town in

the middle of a zombie apocalypse, huh'?

- Is that your one exception?!

- Look...

Help me collect my people,

then we can all leave town together,

and then you can get

to your mom in Virginia.

Oh, I can't stay mad at you!

We're gonna need some road snacks.

Oh! I foolishly thought

that you kept food in here.

- Hey, we can survive on this stuff!

- Oh, for an hour, if we were rabbits.

Why do you have coconut water'?

Is this Maine or Gilligan's Island?

It's very hydrating.

Okay, once we get in that car,

lam not stopping till we get to VA.

There's gotta be some place

around here that we can get food.

I check in on Mrs Jones,

get her groceries once in a while.

Oh, that's so sweet!

Oh, no!

Oh, my God! ls she...'?

So sad!

To die alone on the Fourth.

Shadows are trailing.

My heart is bewailing.

And tolling within like a funeral bell.

Rest in peace, Mrs Jones.

What are you doing?

Oh, I was just reciting some Longfellow.

I think it's nice to say...

No, no. Why did you open her eyes'?

That's what you do when someone dies,

to let their soul rise up to heaven.

What? No, no. You close their eyes.

Er, okay, trust me on this one!

No. Trust me. Okay?

Nobody does it that Way.

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