Night of the Living Deb Page #3

Er, you're gonna feel pretty silly

when the Internets back up.

Please! This was a sweet old lady,

all right'? Don't be weird.

Just leave her in peace.

- Stop it!

Ooh, taking control!

Yeah, I dig it!

But I've gotta do right by her.

Let your soul be free!

- You're being ridiculous.

- No, you're being ridiculous!

And let go of my Wrist, you're hurting me.

- I'm not touching your... Wooah!

- What is happening?!

- A little help here, chief!

- I'm working on it!

I'm sorry, Mrs Jones.

- I'm really sorry to do this to you.

- Forget the lamp, Martha Stewart!

Okay! Okay, okay! Jump away!

All right! Now, and...

- Clear!

- What are you doing?

What? Why isn't it working?

Deb, do something!

Please don't struggle, Mrs Jones!

Oh! She's old!

' Yeah!!

- All right!!

I mean, that was a terrible, actually,

cos she was my neighbour.

But that's, er... Let's get the food.

These are the crappiest snacks.

Didn't this lady eat any solids?

These are the crappiest snacks.

Didn't this lady eat any solids?

Sssh!

Woah!

At least they re three floors down.

Aah! Fire escape! Fire escape!

Wait! Slow down!

What are you doing?

You should've left all that stuff!

- Sorry. Fine!

- No, no, no, don't just...

Sorry.

Sh*t!

Great! Now look What you made me do.

Well, that's it. We're toast.

It's stupid for us both to die.

- I'm gonna give you a chance.

- What are you talking about?

Ssh!

Earn this. Huh'?

- Come on.

- When the moment is right,

you grab your bike and go!

Who wants a piece of this'?

Wooah! Woah!

Wooooh!

Wooh-hoo!

Why are you hitting yourself?

Why are you hitting yourself?

Why are you hitting yourself?

Here, guys. I'm right here.

Come on, you guys, get over here.

Come on, you guys. I'm just right here.

Hey!

Wooah!

Aah!

That was awesome! You were awesome!

I feel so alive!

- Tell me you have your keys.

- Yes!

Woooh!

You saved me, Ryan! You effing saved me!

I think we can be pretty sure

that you like me.

Good, God! Do you live in here'?

No!

Not any more.

Maybe there's something more

about this on the radio.

Don't you ever touch a black man's radio!

It's Chris Tucker, Rush Hour.

Radio's busted. Tape player works, though.

Oh, well, that's completely useless.

- Ten points!

- Aaah! Aaah!

W-w-what are you doing?

I know! Low hanging fruit, right'?

Aah! No, no! Stop that.

Don't worry about it! This is like

swatting mosquitoes for little Otis.

No, no! You can't just murder

these zombies. These are people.

Erm... maybe they were once.

No. For all we know, some chemist

could be working on a cure right now.

- They could be turned normal again.

- Sure!

And maybe we can all hold hands

and skip to Yum-Yum Town,

where rainbows shoot

out of the butts of unicorns.

I'm serious.

Ryan, even if you're right,

would they really want to come back'?

How would you deal with the fact that you

just ate your roommate's lower intestine?

Okay, okay. I wasn't looking on that one.

Please, Deb.

Enjoy your life, zombies.

I always knew this town was dead,

but this is ridiculous.

Cha-cha-cha!

How many miles does this boat get'?

Oh, you're gonna bust on my oar now'?

No, no, I was just thinking about

when we need to fill up the gas again.

No, no, I hear it in your voice.

"Otis is offensive. Otis is unclean."

Do you know, like, what the emissions from

this oar actually do to the environment?

I'm sorry, I must have missed

that page in Ryan's Guide To Being

- A Completely Perfect Humanoid.

- No, no!

It's not about being perfect.

Clean energy is just the right thing to do.

Energy is messy, okay.

I mean, it's really cute to eat organic millet

and drive around in a hovercraft or whatever,

but look around you, dude.

We lost. We tried to save the planet

and this is where it got us.

- God, you sound just like my dad.

- Really?

The guy sounds awesome.

What are you, adopted'?

That's good. Nice one. That's

actually the family joke.

My brother makes

it all the time.

It's a good one.

Look, I'm sorry.

My family is not a Hallmark card either.

I remember every Fourth,

my dad would bring us all up to the roof

to Watch fireworks over the eastern prom.

And then, one year, around dusk,

the guys nowhere to be found.

So we go up to the roof

and that's when we saw him.

He was lying there in the backyard,

right by the barbecue.

He almost looked like he was asleep.

He was changing out the propane tank.

It was the best cookout ever.

- That's the end of the story'?

- Mm-hm.

That's a ridiculous... That was so strange.

- It's all going one direction and then...

- But that was a good memory.

It's not all like that.

It's a mixed bag.

Okay, well, anyway, erm...

My dad is pissed because

I won't work for the family business.

Really? What's Wrong with it'?

It's rated the most environmentally

unsound business in the state.

Waverly Water Treatment?

You're a Waverly? Oh, my God!

- How did you put that together?

- Because I work in the news, remember?

Don't get me wrong, that company seems like

pure evil but the buckage must be pretty good.

Yeah, well, not for me. I'm not gonna work

there, so my brother's gonna get it all.

Mm, tough break.

Where the f*** are we'?

Wait. What are you doing?

Just gotta stop in here.

Yule Mart'? No, no, we agreed.

No more stopping. My dad's place

is just a couple of miles up the road.

Yeah, and we' re gonna get there. But my

friend's inside. I have to see if she's okay.

Fine. Five minutes.

Do we have anything deadlier

than a bike chain?

Er...

This... thing.

No.

Oh, check the glove box.

Maybe that?

You've had a gun this entire time?

Yeah, it was in there when I

bought the car.

It's mostly for show, though,

it only has two bullets.

If it comes down to it,

We'll use it to tap out.

- "Tap out"?

- Yeah.

You know, if we get infected.

Tap. Pooof!

And then tap. Pooof!

You just shot yourself first.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ryan! I haven't worked out

the math on our murder-suicide yet!

Okay, let me be really clear about this.

I do not want to be tapped out.

Right, you say that now!

No, seriously, if I get infected, just let

me run off into the woods or something.

You'll feel differently when you get

infected. I don't want you to suffer.

No, I could not be more sure about this.

I do not want you to shoot me in the head.

Sure, sure, sure. Okay, okay.

We'll see, though.

Okay?

Stay alert.

Jingle bells, jingle bells...

- Aaaah!

- Aaaah!

Oh, What fun it is to play...

- Aaah!

- Aaah!

- Aaah!

- Aaah!

Oh!

Deck the halls with...

- Look at all this crap.

- You don't like Christmas?

Are you kidding, me'?

I freakin' love Christmas.

Which is why I think these plastic trees

are for Tyre stores and...

communists.

When I have kids, I'm gonna take them

every year to out down a real tree.

You realise it takes ten years

for one of those trees to grow

and only seconds to saw

the life out of it'?

If there's a bigger buzz-kill than you,

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