Night of the Living Deb Page #6

- You hear me'? Stay focused.

- Okay!

We got to keep our sh*t straight

if we're gonna make it through this thing.

- Yeah, keep our sh*t straight.

- Keep it straight.

Keep it straight. Thanks, Pop!

- Thanks for the rap.

- Okay.

Okay.

Okay! All right, you'd better

get back to your post.

Okay.

"Portland's Water runs through him."

Oh! Gross!

I think you can forgo

your sit-ups tonight.

I'll give you a Workout.

Wow!

Er, Stacy...

I'm talking about sex.

No, I know. Erm...

I'm going to sleep here on floor,

all right'? You take the bed.

A let's happened since

you broke up with me.

Are you gonna keep

throwing that in my face'?

No. Hey, look, we need to talk, all right'?

I think you were right to dump me.

Ryan, you need to

stop being a martyr, okay?

This is a sure thing. Just relax.

No, wait! I... I... I'm...

I'm saying we want different things.

Oh, really? And What do you want'?

That nerd'?

- Could you keep your voice down'?

- Well, What does she do for you, Ryan?

She ride you like this? Like...

Oh, yeah! Oh, Ryan, you're the best!

Oh, yes! Oh, Ryan! Oh, yes!

- Out it out!

- Oh, yeah, Ryan! Oh! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yes! Oh, Ryan!

- Oh, yes, you're the best!

- Cut it out, please!

Oh... Oh, yeah!

Oh, Ryan! Oh, yeah!

- Yeah, Ryan! I shop at Target!

- Cut it out. Ssh!

Oh, yeah, Ryan! Oh, my gosh!

Oh, yes! Oh, Ryan! Oh, yes!

- Out it out, please!

- Oh, yeah, Ryan! Oh, my God! Oh, yeah!

- Oh, Ryan! Oh, yes!

- Cut it out!

- Stacy, stop!

' Oh, yeah!

- Stacy, stop! Stop!

- Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

- Stop! Hey!

' Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, Ryan!

Stacy, you're acting insane!

What the...'?

If that cooz let out my cats, so help me!

Trixie?

Mayhem?

Trixie?

Oh! Chaz!

Oh, my God!

Ryan! The bastards have

surrounded the house.

Time to put on your big-boy pants, son.

Dad, you don't have to talk to me

like I'm some kind of kid.

Aim high, and I'm not

talking about life goals.

Shoot 'em in the head. Let's move!

Stacy, how could you do that to me'?

- Didn't last night mean anything to you'?

- Well, of course it did.

I think.

But, you know, Ryan's just so

good-looking, you know'? It's...

That one's coming fast, Chaz. Chaz'?

Chaz, that one's coming pretty fast.

Heeelp! God, help me!

Please, God! Don't let me die!

Commie bastard!

Attaboy! Good job!

Chaz! Look out behind...!

Aaagh!

- He's been bit.

- Oh, no, Chaz!

He's been bit. Get him on the couch!

I'll take care of the door.

Chew-a-dent!

Oh! Oh, God! Ruby!

Honey, lam so sorry.

I completely forgot you were in there.

What the...'?

I must be the most

selfish person in the world.

Here I am, acting like I'm doing you

some kind of favour by keeping you alive.

Deluding myself that there might

actually be a cure for this.

But really I just...

I can't bring myself to end it for you.

I never would have talked

to Ryan without you.

And though I deeply regret

meeting that...

elitist man-whore,

for one night, damn it,

I lived, Ruby.

I lived.

What the ding-dong'?

Hi! Would you shut it off, please?

- Shut it down. Thank you.

- Hi.

- Good morning.

- Good morning!

So I... I guess you guys have heard

about the zombies in town'?

Zombies!? Zombies!

Guys, she said there's zombies!

- Yeah, we heard about the zombies.

- That's why we're here.

So if you wouldn't mind taking the keys out

and coming inside that tent,

we've got a little bit of coffee

and a whole lot of questions for you.

If we're going to be honest here,

I was really looking forward to putting

some distance between me and this town.

I get it! I get it!

You're like, "Who's this powerful

muckity-mucktrying to cramp my style,

when all I wanna do is try on

some lipstick and chase guys,

and get as far as I can from those

gosh-darn flesh-eaters?" Am I right'?

If I say yes, will you let me go'?

Let me put it this Way...

That's a no.

Hey, I've got some John Cougar Mellencamp.

That always used to cheer you up.

It's just John

Mellencamp now, Dad.

I haven't listened to him

on purpose in 20 years.

Son, I liked Stacy.

Although I'm not sure she was the girl your

mother would have wanted you to marry,

I am sorry that she got her brains eaten.

- Don't do this, Dad.

- Do what?

- I'm just being real here.

- I'm not ready to be cool with you.

Oh, good, good.

What, you think I wanted any of this, huh'?

Look at Chaz back there.

When he turns, who do you thinks

gonna have to put him down'?

For all of his faults, I loved that boy

like he was my own son.

What do you mean?

Well, Chaz was adopted.

You knew that, right'?

- Son-of-a-b*tch. He was adopted'?

- Bottom line is...

you and I have to stay positive,

remember how fortunate we are to be

in the Governor's good graces.

- Fortunate'?

- Yes.

If you Weren't so deep in the Governor's

good graces, we Wouldn't be in this mess.

Well, we're almost out of it, okay.

Ow! Gaa!

- Buy a girl a drink first, will you'?

- I'm sorry about that business there.

- Sincerely!

- I'm not infected.

- I wasn't bitten.

- I know, Deb, I know.

We just have protocols we have to follow.

You guys aren't real military, are you'?

What is "real"?

Is "real" like a construct

of our own subconscious or...'?

Is this real'?

Is this real'?

- Are any of us real'?

- Yeah.

The rest of us are real.

All right, we're a private security firm

hired to handle this situation.

Woah! You guys are doing a bang-up job!

- Thank you.

- I'm being sarcastic.

- What are you gonna do now, kill me'?

- Kill you'? Deb...

That hurts me. Come on!

I am a father, all right'?

Look, look at these.

Look at these little... Two little boys.

Those are my kids. They

are adorable, right'?

Yeah.

Could I go back and look at these little

angels in their eyes with murder on my brain?

I don't think so, Deb.

No, your test was negative.

You are free to go.

Oh!

Awesome sauce!

Okay, great! Erm...

Oh, if you could just, er, get rid

of that road block, I'll be... on my Way.

Er... sorry.

I might have been a little confusing there.

You're free to go back.

- Wait, I'm sorry, back'?

- Yeah, back to where you came from.

You can't ever leave that town on,

kind of, a forever-type basis.

Forever'?

So you're just gonna... you're gonna

wall us in with those things?

That's a fate Worse than death.

You're gonna tell that

to your two lamo kids'?

They re four and six, Deb.

They wouldn't understand

the moral complexity of that situation.

Portland may be a small town, but people

are going to notice if we disappear.

The official story is radiation leak.

I don't think people are going

to be champing at the bit

to go check it out for themselves,

believe you me.

You're not going to get away with this.

They re...

People... people are going to talk. There's

social media, there's... there's like...

Twerking, My Face.

I don't think you've noticed, but

the internet's shutdown and cellphones.

Deb, you would have had a better chance of

getting out of here if you were infected.

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