Night of the Living Deb Page #5

Nothing happened,

we both just passed out.

- I mean, something happened.

- I'm sure it did!

While you two were getting

gross with each other,

I took care of Stacy

and her p*ssy... cats.

Ryan...

You were right and I was wrong.

I have decided to keep the nutmeg in.

- Oh, I'm glad you see it that way.

- Mm-hm.

Nutmeg can be a bit much at times,

but that's no reason to abandon it.

You guys are what, trading recipes now'?

And when did that start happening?

Chaz, will you just give

your ears a rest, please?

- Okay, yeah.

- The important thing is, we're safe.

We're all safe!

Oh! Holyfrijoles!

Oh, man!

Topper'? You still have that

giant boozehound on the payroll?

Hi, Ryan.

That giant boozehound saved your privileged

little ass numerous times when you were a boy.

Topper, just keep walking the

perimeter or no brownie for you.

Yeah, like when Leah Schiffer

discovered me at hide-and-seek

and got put in the hospital?

She didn't walk right ever again.

Leah didn't play by the rules.

Society crumbles without rules.

- Amen, Pop.

- And speaking of crumbling...

I'm pretty sure my brownies

must be cool enough by now.

Shall we all adjourn to the living room'?

Leah Schiffer!

Easy does it there. Mmm!

Will you look at that, huh'?

Sorry, I...

I'm still stuck on this Water thing.

It's boring stuff, dear, a

little bit too technical.

Does it have to do with the ultraviolet treatment

process that you're testing at Waverly Water'?

What?! No. Not according to public record.

Where did you ever hear

such a preposterous fabrication?

I keep my ear to the ground for my job.

Deb Clarington, News Channel Seven.

Your system is supposed to out the cost

of purifying our Water by half, right'?

That's... brilliant and ambitious.

Well, yes, it was supposed to be

a boon for the entire town.

And we could sell the surplus

to the bottling companies.

But Weren't you supposed

to still be in beta on the process?

We... we were.

Then... why the rush, Frank?

I told the Governor that

we needed more time,

that the pre-filters weren't

catching all of the bio-pathogens yet.

But he... he insisted that we

roll it out before the holidays,

so he could squeeze it into the Q2 budget.

And by "insisted," I'm sure you

mean he gave you a huge kickback.

How were we supposed to know it was going

to be a banner year for the Ichabod virus?

The same thing that wiped out

the indigenous Wabanaki Indians?

- Wobanaki Indians, Pop.

- Wobanaki Indians.

I'm supposed to be proud of you that you wiped

out the entire population of our town'?!

You see that?

You always go to the negative.

- I'm proud of you. Pop.

- Always!

Population or no population.

Oh, come on, relax now, babe.

We've got some catching up to do! Hm-hm!

Okay. Well, jeez, it's been a hoot.

- But I think I need to skedaddle down the road.

- No, Deb, wait!

- Why, right'?

- You can't go back out there.

My dad arranged a helicopter

for us in the morning.

Plus, you must be exhausted.

We hardly slept last night.

You know those times when you can taste your

own stomach acid? I have that right now.

- I know what you mean.

- I'm going to be just fine, chief.

This was the deal. We got you here,

now I'm going to get on to my own family.

So... thanks for the mammaries.

Nobody's going anywhere!

Till they taste one of my freedom brownies!

Chaz.

- Give this to Topper.

- I got it, Pop.

For close-range kills.

Stay.

The brownies are a Fourth of July tradition

that we started when Ryan's mother was alive.

- You remind me of her, in a way.

- I think we did that, like, twice.

Well, if it means that

much to you, of course.

Yes.

Oh!

Mm'?

Gosh! That is...

so good.

I'm surprised Chaz hasn't added

creatine to his brownie yet.

Hey! I'm just trying

to stay strong for all of us.

What are you gonna do when the sh*t

hits the fan'? Huh, little brother?

Are you going to come outwith your

hair-dryer, is that What you're gonna do'?

- Huh, little brother?

- Woah!

- Stop m

- Hey, hey!

Stop it! Get off me!

Get off me!

You guys are acting Worse

than those things out there.

Oh, I thought they were just ordinary

citizens who got a little Wet.

- Oh, shut up, you little piss-ant.

- Pop, I got it!

Come on, you numbskulls, you idiots!

- If your mother... Stop it!

- I got him!

' ' Can't get up!

" ' got him!

- He's trapped!

- Through the night rode Paul Revere.

And so through the night

Went his cry of alarm.

Through every Middlesex village and farm

a cry of defiance

and not of fear.

- What the bejeezus was that?

- That was Longfellow. Deb's favourite.

Ah, Longfellow. You know,

he's from here. Maine. Portland.

You know, maybe it's not my place, but...

you guys are with family.

We're lucky we're even alive.

You see that, boys'?

The little redheads right.

It's the Fourth of July, for God's sake.

You're right. Yeah.

Let's blow some sh*t up. Yeah?

Yeah?

Wait for n.

- Wait for it.

- Yeah.

- Here comes the good part. There it is.

- Oh, wow!

Check that out'.!

- That's great.

- Sweet!

Up next, I got a big

aerial display.

It explodes and then a

roaring bear face comes out.

No, no, no. That's enough. We don't

want to attract too much attention.

What? Dad, I got, like, all these M80's.

- You don't want to see the bear face'?

- No! No, I do not.

I shouldn't let you do this one.

Okay, everybody, drink up.

I'm gonna turn in.

We have to have our wits

about us in the morning, so...

- Ooh, quick question.

- Yeah.

Where's everybody sleeping?

Well, Ryan and Stacy

will stay in Ryan's old room,

and Deborah over there...

How you doing there, hon'?

- I'm fine.

- Okay!

She's going to be in your room, all right'?

And you're going to

stand Watch with Topper.

- Come on, walk with me.

- Hm!

- Walk with me, Chaz. Come!

- Hm!

Come on.

- I'm so glad that you're safe, babe.

- Yeah.

Thanks.

I'm gonna need your help

with Ryan in the morning.

I'm gonna need your help

with Ryan in the morning.

- How do you mean?

- His new friend isn't coming with us.

- The adorable little ginger girl?

- I'm sure he'll throw a hissy fit.

How are we gonna sneak out without her'?

I put enough horse tranquilizer in that

brownie to kept her asleep through August.

I'm surprised she's even still on her feet!

I'm sure she'll be going down

for the count soon.

Hey, don't go soft on me now, boy!

She works for the news. We don't want her

doing some story on the water supply.

Uh-uh.

Sometimes... you gotta put

your own oxygen mask on first.

Put my oxygen mask on first.

- Right, first.

- Ow!

All right.

- Er, Chaz...

- Yeah, Pop.

Stop trying to bang Stacy.

- Once was enough.

- If only it was!

Oh! Don't you tell me

you're falling in love with her'?

Ryan's back. Be realistic.

What? is it totally unrealistic to think

that I could be the special one for once?

I mean, what's he got that I don't got'?

Besides your great eyes.

- We gotta stay focused, boy.

- A-ha.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes