Night on Earth Page #6

"Do you want some lamb?"

Me, lamb? No, thanks.

I don't eat vegetables either,

because of the pumpkins.

In fact, I don't eat

much at all anymore.

It was very traumatic for me.

What I want to say is, I

understand that these are big sins,

but truly, Father,

they are sins of love.

Attention! Attention!

Ciao, Gino!

Ciao.

Gino, how are you?

Ciao.

Nothing's going on,

really. No customers.

It's a lousy night.

Nothing here either. A real slow night.

We haven't made a cent.

A bishop.

A bishop?!

A real one? Oh, let me see!

What a darling little bishop!

He's charming.

Stop by later, okay?

Ciao.

Gino always cheers me up.

Pretty girls, eh?

So, my brother Vincenzo

lives here in Rome too.

He's a plumber. Repairs pipes, water.

One night he invited me to dinner,

he and my

sister-in-law. Monica.

So I went to their house.

They have a female dog too. Very cute.

So after dinner, he

got an emergency call.

The pipes exploded in a

condominium. Water everywhere.

And like a lightning bolt,

he ran off with his tools,

and I was left alone with Monica.

Now, Monica is beautiful!

You should see her.

Absolutely gorgeous.

She really likes me.

She always looks at me with those

strange "sister-in-law eyes."

At their wedding I

said, "Congratulations!"

But she looked at me strangely.

She married my brother,

and we're the same type.

I'm even more handsome than he is.

So Monica and I were alone.

She started to clean up at the sink.

As she bent over, I was

sitting behind her like this,

and from this position I saw

two cheeks!

An ass from out of this world!

With tiny white panties,

riding up a little so you

could see one whole cheek!

The other was partly covered.

Father, I couldn't control myself!.

She turned and looked back

at me with those eyes...

and suddenly I was on top of her.

Father, that beautiful ass!

Pink, soft, round like a pumpkin!

Those soft, wool panties

reminded me of the sheep,

the pumpkin, the sheep,

my brother's wife...

I was on fire!

Then we were on the

floor, under the table!

The beauty of it!

What pleasure! We enjoyed

ourselves like... imagine, Father...

Heaven on earth!

I said to myself, "But

this is my brother's wife!"

But I couldn't stop!

And I said it again, "It's

your brother's wife! Stop!"

But I couldn't!

It lasted hours!

And she screamed!

And I screamed!

It was terrible.

Just beautiful.

I turned her over,

kissed her all over, her

neck, her perfect breasts...

I stayed there all night.

I never went back because

she's my brother's wife,

although he never noticed anything.

Now she smiles whenever she sees me -

Ciao. Ciao.

and I say, "Remember when we

f***ed like animals on the floor?"

It was truly paradise!

My gorgeous

sister-in-law!

I don't know if you ever made love

with your sister-in-law, Father,

but you should try it,

because it's absolute heaven.

Then you just confess. It's incredible.

Father, I know these

sins must be confessed,

but they were just so wonderful.

Bellissima.

Eh, padre?

Oh-oh. Padre.

I haven't upset you, have I?

I guess he fell asleep.

Padre.

Padre.

Padre!

Father, don't fool around!

Padre!

Padre. Padre.

Not feeling well?

Padre. Padre.

You're not... dead, are

you? I don't hear anything!

Holy sh*t!

Padre! Padre!

Padre. Padre!

It's me, your taxi driver!

I've killed him!

My God, what have I done?

He's dead!

Mamma mia!

Mamma mia!

I've killed a priest.

Even worse, a bishop!

They'll give me life!

How many years do you get

for a bishop? Twenty? Thirty?

Padre!

Are you asleep?

Joking?

He's dead. I've killed a priest!

I'll be in all the papers:

TAXI DRIVER KILLS BISHOP

My brother will find out

everything about me and Monica!

What a f***ing mess!

Padre! Padre.

And such a nice little

priest. So delicate!

I shouldn't have told him

about the sheep and Monica!

I'm sorry, Father. Now

I'll really burn in hell!

Padre! Padre!

Where should I put him?

Only a priest, but he weighs

enough to be a cardinal.

40 India Street, first call.

40 India Street, car

needed. Second call.

Car 285 to India Street. Thanks, 285.

29 Industrial Road, three

customers waiting. First call.

29 Industrial Road, three

customers. Second call.

Industrial Road 29, three

customers. Third call.

Car 101 will take Industrial Road.

Hi, Mika! Okay. Bye, bye.

Bye, bye.

You called a taxi?

No, we called a garbage truck.

But you'll have to do the job.

Is he all right?

No, he's not all right.

But don't worry about it.

Let's go.

Where?

Home.

My house is closest,

so drop me off first.

We're gonna take Aki home first.

But he lives furthest

away, and he's f***ed-up.

You're the one who's

f***ed-up. He's our friend,

and in that condition, we've got

to make sure he gets home okay.

Then you'll have to pay.

But I don't have any money!

Well, I don't either!

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

What about him?

His severance pay.

Okay, we've got money.

Let's go.

Where?

We all live on the same block.

Just drive across town.

What's your name?

Mika.

When I was a kid I had

a hamster named Mika.

Mika. Mika.

By the way, what was that

about his severance pay?

He lost his job today.

Is he all right?

No, he's not all right.

Didn't he just tell you

that he lost his job today?

He's all f***ed-up,

and losing his job is

just a small part of it.

What do you mean?

Today was the worst f***in'

day of his entire life,

that's what I f***in' mean.

Or yesterday was, anyway...

I'm sorry to hear that.

What would you know about it?

You have no idea how he feels.

At the moment, I doubt

he feels much of anything.

Look, Mr. Taxi Man, don't f*** with us!

Be careful, you idiot! He's driving!

You're the idiot!

Stop! Or you morons can walk home!

Can I ask something?

What?

Your friend. What happened

to him that was so terrible?

Besides losing his job, I mean.

What was so terrible?

I'll tell you what was so terrible.

This morning he drives his car to work.

New car, just paid off.

He parks and goes to work.

He's late for work,

but that's nothing new.

But today, bad news:

he's fired.

Late once too often.

So then he has a big

fight with his boss.

They throw him out into the street

and his severance pay after him.

He picks up the envelope,

brushes himself off

and walks back to his car.

But instead of his brand-new car

there's a smashed,

f***ed-up ghost of his car.

Smashed to f***in' sh*t.

Some f***in' idiot has

turned his brand-new car

into a useless pile of sh*t.

So he has a few drinks to calm

down, then takes a bus home.

At home, waiting for him, are

his wife and 16-year-old daughter.

They're both crying, and the wife

tells him they have a big problem.

Then the daughter runs

off to her room, crying.

And the wife tells him that

his daughter, 16 and unmarried,

is pregnant.

A beautiful girl too, his daughter.

You shut up! That's no way to talk

about our best friend's little daughter.

I didn't mean it like that!

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