Night Train Page #2

...medical expenses,

in-hospital indemnity,

we've got rental car collisions,

accidental death... happens...

and that's not supposed to be

in there.

What? Marquesas Islands?

- Marquesas...!

- Yeah, yeah, you like?

Marquesas Islands.

It's in the South Pacific, right by y'all.

Here, let me show you. It's, uh...

Yeah, you got Japan up...

And this is only one island

in the whole chain.

All of them, created by volcanoes.

Did you all see me back there,

kicking ass?

I mean, what am I doing in sales?

Check the next car.

There's an old lady sitting in there.

No worries. Okay, Miles? I'm just

gonna sweet talk her, like I did...

Don't worry, honey.

It's all under control.

You know what? In my line of work,

you got to improvise all the time.

Is that how you ended up drunk

on the train

with no idea what stop

you were getting off at?

Hey, come on.

We get delayed, we miss the bridge.

Relax! Okay?

I got it under control.

Come on!

Hold it!

The door seems to be stuck, Poochie.

Oh, good heavens.

Are we going to be stuck

in here for the rest of the journey?

Oh, thank heavens for that.

There we go, my clever little boy.

Oh!

How are you and Poochie doing?

Well, between you and me,

we are suffering from a bit of gas,

but we're still going

to have our midnight meal.

Oh, good heavens!

- What's he doing in my car?

- I guess he wanted to take a nap.

Yes, but he certainly does

look dead to the world.

A bit too much

holiday cheer, I'm afraid.

Oh, dear, that's why I left

my second husband Alfred.

He was having too much

holiday cheer seven days a week.

Poochie! Poochie! Poochie!

All right, stop!

Poochie!

Leave the poor old souse alone.

Would you like to switch cars,

Ma'am?

Well, perhaps I'd better.

Poochie certainly

doesn't care for him,

and I really trust

his taste in people.

I'll get your things.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- Yeah. Call me Miles.

Okay.

How much time do we have?

This one's the biggest.

Incoming!

Take it away.

Miles...

...tell me you have

a bigger trunk than this.

No.

What?

- No.

- No?

No!

You said that he was gonna fit

into something.

That's why we brought him

all the way back here!

I said there was

luggage in the back.

Maybe it was unloaded

five stops ago!

- I don't know.

- Well, you know all...

You know all the train routes

down to the second,

but you can't seem to figure this out!

Hey, packing dead bodies

was not part of my job training!

This is ridiculous.

- Dammit!

It's not gonna work.

Okay. All right, sorry.

I'm sorry. New plan.

New plan.

When we arrive at the next station,

I'm gonna take him off myself.

All right? Yeah!

Yeah!

I'm gonna put his arm

around my shoulder.

I'm gonna just walk him out

like he's drunk, like he's my buddy.

And I'm gonna take him off

into the woods or...

...by the garbage dump, or...

Excuse me.

It's staff only in here.

I was just looking for a wash cloth.

A wash cloth?

Really, my lenses are dirty.

Thanks.

Hey, if she doesn't come back,

does that mean she loses her share?

- We're taking him back to his seat.

- What?

Yeah, we are going to forget

this madness ever...

- Sorry it took me so long.

- Yeah.

I had to leave the kitchen car

with some gopher.

Wait. What were you doing?

Well...

- Improvising.

- What, what, what?

Gonna be quick, all right?

We have approximately 7 minutes

before we cross the bridge, all right?

- Okay.

- Hey!

Hey, stop!

What's wrong, Miles?

- What's wrong?

- This is what we have to do.

You're about to carve into that fellow

like he's a Christmas turkey.

I took an autopsy class

last semester.

I know exactly

where to make the incisions.

You're not thinking straight, Miss.

You've got to clear your head.

My head's never been more clear.

Hey, put down that knife.

It's a meat cleaver.

We're taking him back to his seat.

I'm calling in the authorities.

It's already been decided.

Did you agree to this?

Well, we...

We didn't take a vote.

- Okay, well, let's take a vote.

- Right.

Okay.

Raise our hands, secret ballot.

Hey, there's no vote!

No democracy!

My train is a damn dictatorship,

and I'm the damn dictator!

So, put down that knife, cleaver,

or whatever the hell you call it,

and return to your damn seat

and your damn senses!

All right, Miles.

You're in charge.

I'm sorry, Miles.

We agreed upon a plan.

Not his. Not yours. Mine.

And that's what

we're going to carry out.

You can't call the cops now,

unless you can explain

how he got his head chopped off

from having a heart attack.

We don't have that much time

before we cross the bridge.

I'm going to take care

of his arms and legs.

- Oh, my God!

- We're gonna fit him into the trunk.

I guess this would be the downside

to working with strangers...

the possibility that one of them

turns out to be a psychotic.

She's crazy, but she may be right

about one thing.

We can't call the cops.

There's no way to explain this.

She put us in one hell

of a corner, you know?

You know what?

I think it might be a good idea if I take

him off at the next station, you know?

Find a nice safe place to bury him.

Done. You know?

I mean, now that we know

that she's not in her right mind.

- Are you?

- What?

In your right mind?

Sure.

I've seen a lot of bad things

in my life.

But even in my worst moments,

I always knew who I was.

Well...

Come on, you're still the same man

that you were before.

Everything changed

when we looked inside of that thing.

Yeah. I mean, we're talking

about a lot of money here.

It's not about the money.

When I looked inside I...

I felt...

What?

Different.

Hey, I'm taking him off the train

at the next station.

- What?

- Yeah, go home to your family.

Sip eggnog, roast chestnuts,

put some carrots out

for Santa's reindeer, okay?

- Miles?

- No, Miles is out of commission.

Okay? I'm in charge now.

- We're almost at the bridge.

- Forget about the bridge.

We're on a new route,

and I'm behind the wheel.

Okay, now, I'm gonna

be taking a higher cut.

Only fair. Right? Of course,

because now I'm taking a greater risk.

I think we both know

who took the greater risk.

We're taking it off the train

right now.

What are you gonna do,

chop me into little pieces if I do?

Well, I could take something

and I could just jam it

into your carotid artery.

You wouldn't feel anything,

and then you'd go to pull it out

and then you'd loose all blood flow

to your brain in under 5 seconds.

We've got three minutes to the bridge.

We're finishing what we started.

Where's the bridge?

Did we cross it already?

I can't see it yet!

- This is crazy!

- Go inside! Go inside!

Where's the bridge, Miles?

Hey, here it comes! It's coming!

Now!

Let's do it! Let's do it!

- This is it! Come on!

- Pick it up! Lift it!

Go!

Let's do the damn thing!

Come on! Lift it!

Did we make it?

Hide!

Miles?

Miles, where are you?

Give me your 20. Over.

Chloe! Open the door!

Open the door!

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