No Deposit, No Return Page #3

Guess that's why

he keeps me around.

Guess that's why he let

you sign this note too.

You're buddies, huh? That

is your name, isn't it?

Bert Delaney?

Well, now, I'm not sure

if it's exactly that.

I'd have to check

my birth certificate.

That's in Hackensack,

new jersey.

I was born in Hackensack.

Whole family was.

Mom and the kids.

Bet you'd love to

see your mom again.

Oh, well, poor mom. You

see, she's up in, uh...

Oh. That... That's what

you meant, huh? Yeah, well.

72 hours, Duke.

And I hope you don't

disappoint the computer.

How do you suppose he did that with

just a little stub of the pencil?

I'm wonderin' how we're gonna

get $9,000 in the next 72 hours.

Did you hear what

big Joe said to Duke?

All I heard was

pencils cracking.

Boy, Duke and Bert

are in trouble.

Yeah. This is some

cheesy hideout.

Two guys can just walk in and

shove 'em around like that.

Boy, if this was my hideout,

I'd make a few changes.

They need more than

that. They need money.

- Even more money than we need.

- How're they gonna get it?

Well, I think I have an idea

of how we can all get it.

Duster. Duster.

Duster.

- What do you want, kid?

- It's Duster. I lost him.

Oh, yeah? I'm sorry.

I found him.

Thank you. -Mmm.

Bacon?

Uh-uh. That's

gotta be waffles.

And do I know waffles.

When I was married

to Irene, your sister,

She drove me bananas

with her waffles.

Morning. -What's this?

Breakfast. I hope you like

scrambled eggs and bacon.

Oh, it's better than

waffles and Irene.

- Some surprise, huh, Duke?

- Not to me, it isn't.

Now I said one night.

If you think this meal is gonna

buy you some extra time, young lady,

You're very much

mistaken. -Oh, no.

Breakfast is just

because I like to cook.

And I like to

eat. -And so do I.

Wait a minute. Wait

just one minute here.

We didn't have bacon and eggs in

the house. -You're quite right.

I bought them the second time

I went out. -The second time?

Well, the first time I went out

last night, the market wasn't open,

So I just mailed the

ransom note to grandfather.

You did what? -Ransom

note to grandfather?

For $100,000.

I told him to leave it under the

umbrella tree in Williams garden.

- You... Hold it. Hold it.

- Don't worry. He can spare it.

Yeah, he's got

millions and billions.

Hold it! -All we need is enough

for two tickets to Hong Kong.

You can have the

rest. -Just hold it!

The squeeze may be on, but

it's not enough to turn me...

From being a safecracker

into a kidnapper.

Never enough for that. -But you didn't

kidnap us. We kidnapped ourselves.

Oh, don't be

ridiculous. -Yeah.

Although come to

think of it, they did.

And you didn't send

the ransom note. We did.

She's got a point there too. -All

you've gotta do is pick up the money.

That sounds simple

enough. -Simple?

Have you lost your marbles? Do you

know what the rap is for kidnapping?

He's right, Tracy.

Do you know what the rap is

for not paying big Joe $9,000?

She's right, Duke.

I'd rather lose my marbles

than be a broken pencil.

Oh, you would.

Don't you believe

in fate? -Fate?

It was fate that put

us in that taxi cab

with you. -I thought

it was you, Tracy.

Maybe it was fate, Duke. I mean,

it'd be criminal to go against fate.

The money would help us

all. -Of course, it will.

Come on, Duke. Be a

good Guy and kidnap us.

- Good day, Jameson.

- Good day, sir.

Good day, sir Winston.

After your breakfast, sir,

shall I bring the car around

To pick up miss Tracy

and master James?

There, there, sir Winston.

You have a knack for ruining

a perfectly beautiful morning.

Sorry, sir. Will you have

sausages or bacon with your eggs?

Neither, thank you.

I've lost my appetite.

Yes, I quite

understand. -What's this?

Well, it arrived early this

morning, sir. Special delivery.

Osborne residence. Oh,

yes, Peter. Just a moment.

It's Peter, sir.

Morning, Peter. Hmm?

She went to the...

Went to the mailbox?

I can't imagine.

On the other hand, maybe I can.

I'll be right back to you, Peter.

Very, uh, interesting development

here. We have a ransom note.

Ransom note?

Yes. "Have children.

Leave $100,000. Briefcase.

"under umbrella tree,

Williams gardens, 4:00.

"we mean business."

$100,000. Good heavens, sir.

Shall I ring up the bank?

You miss the point.

Our little Tracy

concocted this nonsense.

She's conned these

poor benighted gentlemen

Into going along

with her idiot plan.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, excuse me, sir.

If I may, sir. What

is our next move?

Next move? Well, as the children

appear to be in no danger whatever,

I shall first finish

my breakfast. -Oh.

Then we will take additional supplies

to Peter for his prolonged vigil,

After which I will have

a nice round of golf.

Sounds delightful, sir. -Also, I'll

have bacon and sausage with my eggs.

Your appetite's

returned, sir. -Quite.

What time you got?

I just told you the

time five minutes ago.

Oh, right, yeah. It was five to 12:00

then, so that'd make it 12:00 now.

So in four hours,

we pick up the money.

Will you please either

drink that or put it down?

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Duke.

Irene always used to make a cup of

hot chocolate to steady the nerves.

She never gave me any though.

They're here! It's the cops!

It's fire engines,

and they're passing by.

Yeah, right. I always

get that backwards.

See, back in jersey,

when you hear a...

It's usually a police car.

But if it's a...

It's probably an ambulance.

But a fire engine can go...

Or ding-ding-ding-ding,

ding-ding-ding.

Personally, I'd

rather hear the...

Because that...

ding-ding-ding-ding...

Boy, that'll drive you crazy.

I'm sorry, Duke. I guess

I'm just a little edgy.

You think we can pull this off?

Who knows?

Maybe. If you can

keep the kids hidden,

And, uh, quiet till 4:00.

Oh. That shouldn't

be too hard.

Where are they?

Well, the girl, Tracy,

she's in the bedroom.

And the boy? -Jay?

Jay!

Check on Jay, too, Duke.

He just walked by

outside the window.

Outside the window!

Jay Osborne, come back here!

Go get him. Go on. I'll

go downstairs. Go get him.

Duster, come back.

Here, Duster. Come on, Duster.

Jay. Now, Jay...

Duster, come back.

Jay, now you be careful.

You hear me, Jay?

Oh.

You masher! I'll teach

you to look in my window!

I'm sorry, lady. -Heel!

What are you doing

down here? Get up there!

Stop it! Will you stop that!

Be careful, Bert!

No!

Duster, you come down here.

What are you doing

up there, Jay?

Duster!

Duster. Duster.

How'd he get up there?

I don't know. Duster!

Here, Duster.

Duster!

Get back here!

Duster!

Duster, you get back here!

Where do you

think you're going?

I gotta go get

Duster. -Get back.

Come on, Duster.

Come on. Nice skunk.

Come on.

Duster, come here!

Well, go get him!

No! -No, Bert! No! Get back!

Hold on, Duster.

Get a... Get a canvas!

Anything! A gunny

sack! A potato bag!

Hold on, Duster. He's

comin' out to get ya.

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