No Time for Sergeants Page #3

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He gave me a lot of trouble.

Not on the bed, please.

I was put in charge

and he gave me a lot of trouble.

They brought him to the bus in these.

I'll make a note of it.

I think he'll need some disciplinary action.

He already hit one of the fellas

with a gasoline pump.

- In the barracks here?

- No, back at the bus station.

I'll make a note of it.

I thought he ought to be reported

to the squadron commander.

- Oh, no.

- Well, I mean, I think it's my duty to...

Any reporting done around here, I do it.

Sure you do. And this fella Stockdale's

a real troublemaker.

Look, sonny,

how long have you been in the service?

[MUSIC PLAYING O VER RADIO]

About six hours, I guess.

I had ROTC though.

I suppose they told you

it was all efficiency...

...standing at attention, running around.

Well, I've been in for 18 years

and it ain't like you think it is at all.

It's a quiet, peaceful life,

if you mind your own business.

It's like there was a big lake,

nice and calm.

I'm in a canoe, you're in another,

the captain's in a canoe and the colonel.

You know what you do if you report

somebody or complain about somebody...

...or request something?

You make waves.

Well, I thought the captain would wanna

know if he's got a troublemaker.

I hate to pull rank on you,

but for your information...

...you got the smallest canoe

in the whole lake. Good night, private.

ANNOUNCER [O VER RADIO]:

And now our next request...

... comes from

Master Sergeant Orville C. King...

... at the Air Force classification center.

Here you are, Sergeant.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC

PLAYING O VER RADIO]

Hey, Ben,

do you put a big "S" on "sergeant"?

When you print it,

it don't make no difference, Will.

Oh. Boy, Pa'll sure be happy...

...about how Sergeant King

said it was really a home.

[CHUCKLES]

- No, come on, Ben, you take the bottom.

- No, Will.

- But, honest, I like sleeping high.

- No, sir. You sat on the bottom bunk first.

I didn't mean nothing by it.

Honest, I didn't.

First come, first serve.

That's the military way.

- No, now come on, Ben.

- I won't, I tell you!

- Now, come on.

- Let that man alone, Stockdale.

I'm beginning to think I never should've

taken the cuffs off of you.

Well, Irving, I wasn't doing nothing.

I was just...

Look, if you want some fighting,

you go after somebody your own size.

- Not some little mouse.

- Watch your mouth!

Why don't you mind your own business?

We're just stopping him

from wrestling you around.

That's between him and me,

nobody asked you.

Now, Ben, don't...

- Only trying to do you a favor, junior.

- Who you calling Junior?

Who asked you anything, anyhow?

All right,

if that's the way you feel about it.

You wanna be buddies with draft dodger,

be buddies with the draft dodger. Go ahead.

- That's the way I feel about it.

- All right, before there's trouble...

...you hit the sack.

Get to bed, both of you.

I was just going to, Irving.

BRONCO:
Give him time, Irving,

beds is strange to Plowboy.

He's used to sleeping with the hogs.

[LAUGHS]

- What's the matter with you, anyhow?

- Me?

Taking their insults

and heehawing like a dang donkey.

They don't mean nothing by it, Ben.

Besides, I thought that one about sleeping

with the hogs is kind of funny.

- Aww...

- Heh-heh.

Well, see,

I figure if we just laugh with them...

...why, pretty soon they'll get tired

of carrying on, there won't be no ruckus.

You think

a-laughing is gonna stop these guys?

A-licking is all they understand.

- You think so?

- I know so.

And you behaving like a dang donkey.

MAN 1:

Oh, what's he holding?

MAN 2:
You know...?

MAN 3:
Oh, yeah.

I'm through.

- Yeah, I've had enough.

- Me too.

Yeah.

Lonesome for the hogs, Plowboy?

Ain't used to living indoors,

are you, Plowboy?

Look, Plowboy,

you want us to tuck you in bed?

I bet your pa always tucked you in

nice and comfy.

Wonder what kind of hog his pa is.

Chester White or Poland China?

[MEN LAUGHING]

I ain't gonna trouble you fellas none...

...because I know you was all

just put up to it.

Excuse me.

Irving, stand up

and take off them glasses.

- Why?

- I aim to bust you up some.

Look, Stockdale, I'm not alone now.

There's five of us here.

MAN 1:
Hit him!

MAN 2:
Hey, do not, Plowboy.

MAN 3:

Come on.

MAN 4:
Time out.

MAN 5:
Come on, Plowboy, hit him.

MAN 6:

That's the end of it.

MAN 7:
Come on, man.

MAN 8:
Come on.

[DISCORDANT NOTE PLAYS]

[MEN YELLING]

Knock it off. Knock it off.

Knock it off!

[YELLING STOPS ABRUPTLY]

Aren't you gentlemen starting in a bit early

to tip over my canoe?

Sergeant, let me try to explain.

Shut up.

No, I am not in the mood

for explanations.

I am quite tired.

You understand?

And I want no more noise.

You understand, gentlemen?

I will be more than willing

to listen to explanations in the morning.

And as morning likes to come

a little early in the service...

...we'll help it along.

We won't wait for taps.

Get to your bunks.

On the double! Ooh!

He seems a mite upset.

Oh, Will.

We better put Irving in his bed.

He won't wanna disobey the sergeant.

You get his feet.

Let him alone, please, Will.

He'll wake up

and cause some more trouble.

Yeah, I reckon he might.

- Pretty good fight, though, wasn't it?

- Dog it, Will, this'll mess up everything.

- What will, Ben?

- Fighting in the barracks.

But you said

licking was all they'd understand.

Not in the barracks.

One of them's bound to snitch tomorrow

that we started a fight.

Dog it, I'll never get in the infantry now.

If we kept our mouths shut and didn't

do nothing, we might get transferred.

Both of us?

But now,

they're sure to tell about the fight.

No, they won't.

If one of them says anything, I'll take him

out in the back and whomp him good.

Now, there you go, Will.

You think

the infantry wants men like that?

No, they want men who can take it

and keep their mouths shut...

...the way a man ought to do.

Transfer?

We'll be lucky

if they don't transfer us into the Navy.

Walking around

in them little old white uniforms.

Do you really want both of us

to transfer, Ben?

Don't you understand, Will?

It's the infantry does the real fighting.

All the rest is just helpers.

Look at the War Between the States.

How about that?

Yeah. How about that?

See what I mean?

Every man

in my family's been in the infantry...

...clear back to my great grandpa.

You know what he done?

Fought with Stonewall Jackson

at Chancellorsville.

Licked him good too, I bet.

By dog.

First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna get

sergeant's permission to see the captain.

I'll give him Ma's letter and I'll...

And I'll...

Oh, what's the use?

What's the use?

Hey. Hey, Ben,

maybe you'll get to like the Air Force.

Zooming all over the sky and shouting

"roger" and "wilco" and everything.

Maybe it won't be so bad.

Bad?

You know what they call men

in the Air Force?

Airmen.

Like something out of a dang funny book.

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