North Page #7

We love you very much.

Beautiful. Works like a charm.

You got some pretty

nice folks there, kid.

Huh?

I said you got some

pretty nice folks there.

Yeah.

I guess so.

What do you mean?

What did they mean by "give

us one more chance?"

I thought they didn't love me.

What are you, nuts?

That's the thing.

They didn't always

pay that much attention to me.

I left them to find folks

who'd appreciate me.

I searched the whole world,

but nobody was good enough...

not even the nelsons,

who I just left,

and they weren't bad folks.

Maybe there's something

wrong with me.

Ah, there's nothing

wrong with you.

I'm sure the nelsons

weren't bad folks.

They just weren't your folks.

You see those people out there?

That audience?

They paid attention to me.

They listened.

They laughed. They screamed.

They applauded.

They loved me,

but do you think that audience

would make me a cup

of tea if I'm ill?

You think they're going

to give me advice

when I fight

with my best friend

or I get in girl trouble?

Who will I turn to?

Give you a hint.

It's not that audience.

My God, what have I done?

I'll tell you what you've done.

You've realized something

it takes most people a whole

lifetime to figure out...

that a bird in the hand

is always greener

than the grass

under the other guy's bushes.

It's a metaphor used

mostly by gardeners

and landscape people

in general.

Hey, kid!

Hey, kid! Where are you going?

Home. I miss my parents.

How? You got a car?

No. I'm 11.

Then we better take mine.

The white zone

if for immediate loading

and unloading

of passengers only.

No parking.

Thanks for everything,

Mr. Fingers.

Make it Joey,

and you're welcome.

Remember, if you can't stand

the heat, leave Miami.

What does that metaphor mean?

What metaphor? You ever

been there in August?

Your balls stick to your

leg like crazy glue.

So north finally found

the parents

he'd always been looking for.

Much to his surprise,

they were his own.

So with a smile on his face,

north prepared to board

the final plane home.

Where do you think

you're going?

I'm going home.

Not on this plane.

Why not?

It says here you're dead.

But I'm not.

How can I be sure?

I'm here talking to you.

I know. That scares me.

I don't scare easily.

Imagine how it will affect

the other passengers.

But I'm not dead.

Sorry. I can't take

that chance.

Hey, it's north. He's alive.

What's he doing here?

This plane's headed

to his hometown.

He's trying to

reach his parents.

It'll ruin everything.

Let's get him!

Hey!

He's going up that way!

Stop him! Stop him!

Get that traitor!

Hey, kid, hop in.

What are you, some kind

of guardian angel?

Well, I guess you can say that

'cause we at federal express

feel we are guardians...

guardians of your

most important packages

and priority communiques.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just get me home, will you?

Well, if you absolutely

positively have to be home

by tomorrow morning, you've

come to the right truck.

Man, you don't

let up for a second.

I have no idea what you mean.

I have no idea what you mean.

Just tell me what to do.

Get in.

Federal express, huh?

O.K. Thanks.

Oh, Al.

Can I have a word with you?

Oh. Sure, boss.

Remember when you

told me north was dead?

Yeah.

Uh, just curious...

what'd you base that on?

I can only assume that

you think this is blood,

and if I had an I.Q. Below

24, I might think the same,

but the stain in this cap

comes from borscht.

Borscht?

Yes, borscht...

a beef-based soup,

Russian in origin,

most frequently served chilled

with a dollop of sour cream.

I make a good borscht.

And I'd love

to sample it someday,

but the point I'm making here

is that unless north's

head was filled

with this traditional

slavic delicacy,

he's not dead, you idiot!

Oh, no!

Not now, Arthur.

All right. This just calls

for a slight change in plans.

I'll take it from here.

All right.

Sign on the fourth line.

What time is it?

Normally my answer would

be no later than 10:30,

but thanks to that

jackknifed truck,

I'm sorry to say

it's 10 of 12:
00.

We'll be happy to refund your...

no, that's o.K.

Mom! Dad!

I'm home!

Mom!

Where are you guys?

Mom? Dad?

Mom?

Mom?

Hello, north. Happy labor day.

I trust your summer

was enjoyable.

Where are my folks?

Oh, they're in a safe place.

Where the hell are my parents?

North! Did you say

the word hell?

The summer's really

broadened you.

Winchell, I've got

exactly 10 minutes

to find my parents.

If you don't tell me

where they are,

I'll show you how broadened I've

become, you little a**hole!

Why are you smiling?

I was thinking what a

beautiful heartwarming scene

it's going to be

when you're reunited

with your parents

at your secret spot.

How do you know

about my secret spot?

I'm a journalist, north.

It's my job to know

about these things,

and as much as I'm

enjoying this chat,

shouldn't you be on your way?

After all, you're down

to... Nine minutes.

Where is he?

Winchell said

he'd be here by now.

Don't worry, honey.

He'll be here soon.

Soon may not be good enough.

I've been sent here

by the court

to ensure that your son's

physically in your arms

by 12:
00 noon.

How much time is left?

Six minutes.

And that's my own clock

from my own house.

Uh!

Maybe we should go

look for him.

No, no, honey.

What if we leave here

and north shows up?

Relax, honey.

Winchell's a man of his word.

Hey, watch yourself, kid.

He has less than one minute.

You wait here.

I'll look for him.

Bad idea. The ruling stipulates

north's supposed to be

in the arms of both parents.

That's two parents

and four arms.

If one of you leaves...

the math speaks for itself.

Mom! Dad!

North!

Aah!

Hey.

You still here?

Yeah.

I must've fallen asleep.

Come on. I'll give you

a ride home.

And then you were a beach bum.

Then you drove a sleigh.

Then you were a comedian

who said my parents

were the best for me.

I said that? I must

be a pretty smart guy.

What's that?

Oh, nothing.

Just something I've always had,

you know, for good luck.

Maybe good luck for you.

I bet that eagle's whistling

a different tune.

Here we go.

35 maple drive.

Thanks a lot, mister.

Don't mention it, kid.

And remember, be it

ever so humble,

there's no place like home.

With the possible

exception of Vegas

when Sinatra's in town. Bye.

North!

North!

Mom! Dad!

Where were you?

We were worried sick.

I fell asleep in the mall.

We called the hospitals.

We called the police.

Oh, we looked everywhere.

You did?

Of course we did.

We love you so much, north.

If anything ever

happened to you,

I don't know what we'd do.

I love you guys, too.

Come on.

You hungry, honey?

A little bit.

A little bit?

O.K., a lot.

O.K. You run upstairs,

put on your pajamas,

we'll bring something

up for you.

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