North Page #6

Keep it rolling.

So, crazy summer, huh?

Oh, terrible.

Very disturbing.

I know what you're

going through,

but if north doesn't come

back, you can always adopt.

Just the other day,

I met this adorable little boy,

7 years old.

His name was Hugh.

Maybe you can adopt him.

Maybe Hugh can be your son.

We don't want Hugh.

He's not our son.

We want north.

I understand.

It was insensitive of me

to even mention it.

Uh, you folks want more coffee?

Nah. That's o.K.

Not for me.

I still don't understand

why we can't speak

to north in person.

I think that would be

a big mistake.

North is very angry

right now, very sensitive.

You show up unannounced,

and this could blow up

in your face,

and it'd just kill me

to see that happen.

My suggestion is,

you lay low for a while.

I'll have someone escort you

to the Plaza.

I told Jean Pierre to

give you any room service,

and as north's best friend,

I'd happily show him this tape

to pave the way for you.

Thank you, winchell.

Oh, yes.

You're a real friend.

I try.

Bring the car around

for north's folks.

Yes, sir. Consider it done.

You know, you're

doing very well

for a sixth-grader.

Well, I cut a few breaks.

Adam, take the tape

down to editing.

Colonel mustard in the study

with the rope.

I don't have any of those.

Neither do I.

Me, neither.

Let's see.

Colonel mustard in the study,

and here's the rope.

All right!

Good job, kitten.

Can we play again?

No. You have to hit the sack.

You don't want to be

tired for the carnival.

Everybody upstairs

to bed right now.

O.K. Good night.

Good night, honey.

Good night, north.

Good night.

Brush your teeth

before you go to bed.

Ahem.

Sorry to bother you,

but I got something important

for a kid named north.

What is it?

Apparently an urgent message

from his original parents.

I'll see he gets it.

Thank you.

North, honey?

Yeah?

Can you come down

here for a minute?

Coming.

What is it?

North, a man just

left this tape.

It's a message

from your parents.

From my parents?

Do you mind if I...

of course not.

Would you like

to be alone, north?

No. That's o.K.

After all you've been through,

what would you like

to say to your son?

We don't want Hugh.

How can you say that?

He's not our son.

Aren't you bothered

you might never see

your son again?

Nah. That's o.K.

Isn't this a gut-wrenching,

torturous, emotional

experience?

Not for me.

He's not our son.

We don't want Hugh.

North, honey, are you o.K.?

Is there anything

we can do for you?

Yeah.

Let me be your son.

Finally, north

had new parents...

parents who made him

feel wanted, secure,

and loved,

yet something was still wrong.

The nelsons were everything

he was looking for,

so why couldn't he

embrace them?

North needed answers.

North, we just don't understand

why you're leaving.

Neither do I.

You're all nice people.

I'm really gonna miss you,

but I've just got to be alone.

We're going to miss you, too.

And so will Oliver.

North.

Here.

In case you get hungry

on your way to New York.

Thanks, mom...

I mean, Mrs. Nelson.

Bye.

So with just 24 hours until

his labor day deadline,

no hope of parents,

and the prospect

of an orphanage looming,

north felt he only

had one option left.

He would disappear.

Can you spare

some extra change?

Oh.

Here.

Maybe it'll bring you more luck

than it brought me.

Hey, it's got a hole in it!

What good does this do me?

Yes, he would disappear,

and where better to do that

than amidst the teeming,

faceless masses

of the naked city?

Want to go downtown?

Shut up!

He's heading into the park.

Don't worry, boss. I'm just

looking for the right place.

So long, Al.

What was that all about?

It seems our young friend's

had a change of heart.

Change of heart?

He's left the nelsons

and decided to grace our

city with his presence.

Oh, no.

This ruins everything.

Arthur, please, use your head.

This is a godsend.

It is?

Of course.

As we speak, grownups

across this great land of ours

are feeling humiliated.

They blame north

for all their frustrations.

Do you realize how many

of those angry parents

would like nothing better

than to do away

with our little friend?

And do you know

the one catalyst

that can give a political

movement true cohesion?

That's right.

A martyr.

You're a genius.

I mean, it's brilliant.

It's absolutely winchellian.

It... it...

But for north to be martyred,

doesn't he have to be killed?

Well, maybe we'll get lucky.

As north ran for his life,

he wondered how his dream

of finding perfect parents

had turned into a nightmare.

Aah! Aah!

Damn it.

Psst! North.

Over here.

Adam, what are you doing here?

Listen to me very carefully.

I'm not here. You never saw me.

We're not even having

this conversation.

Got that?

Got what?

Perfect.

So what are we

not talking about?

This.

What? I don't see anything.

What you don't see is a

tape of the conversation

winchell had with your parents.

I saw it.

No, you didn't.

Oh, I forgot. I didn't see it.

You did see it, and this

is what you didn't see.

I see.

I don't think you do.

Look at the tape.

So how'd you find me?

Winchell. He bugged

the nelsons' phones.

Winchell? Shh!

He's everywhere.

I been working for him

ever since you left home.

You know, some guy was

chasing me with a gun.

He was shooting at me.

That didn't have anything to

do with winchell, did it?

Oh, man.

So why are you doing this?

I'm not, but if I was,

because I think

winchell's gone too far.

Also, you were always

good to me, north.

You never picked me last.

You never made me

play right field.

Thanks, Adam.

Oh, man.

Adam, I just don't

feel safe anywhere.

Adam?

Adam?

Can I have a hot dog

with just mustard?

That'll be $1.00.

Out of 5.

2...3...

4...5.

There you go.

Where did you get this?

Some bum bought

a hot dog from me. Why?

No reason.

Aah!

Aah!

We won't see him no more.

Watch, watch, watch!

Watch there.

Excuse me.

Move it, kid.

Come on, move it.

Which reminds me of this man

that walked into a bar.

He sits down next to

a very beautiful young lady.

Before you know it,

the conversation turns to sex.

He says to her,

"my darling, do you smoke

after making love?"

She says, "I don't know.

I never looked."

"But I'll tell you one thing,

my smoke alarm never went off."

Good night, folks.

You've been great.

Thank you.

You the kid with the tape?

Yeah.

Good. Come in. I want

to try my new vcr.

How did you know?

I came to see you because

you looked familiar.

I look familiar because

I'm almost famous.

Joey fingers, and you're?

North.

One of my favorite directions.

Mal-o-mar?

No, thanks.

That bad, huh?

What?

No kid ever refuses a mal-o-mar

unless he's wrestling with

heavyweight problems.

North, we miss you so much.

Please forgive us.

We made so many mistakes.

We should've

appreciated you more.

If only you could give

us just one more chance.

We love you, son.

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