Not a Love Story: Making (500) Days of Summer Page #5

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[ Sighs, Hisses ]

That hurt? I'm sorry.

No, it doesn't hurt.

I like you.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Giggles ]

All right.

You loved her

You were kissing

Shh. well, what about you?

Did you ever even

have a boyfriend?

Well, ofcourse.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, tell me about them.

No.

Oh? why not?

Because it's not important.

I'm interested.

[ Sighs ]

All right. Fine.

You want to go there?

Yeah. I can take it.

Fine.

So

Well, in high school

there was Markus.

- Quarterback-slash-homecoming king?

- [ Whistle Blows ]

No. He was a rower.

He was very hot.

[ Chuckles ]

For a brieftime in college

there was, um there was Charlie.

She was nice, but

And then there was

my semester in Sienna.

Fernando Belardelli.

Also known as ''The Puma.''

- The Puma?

- Yeah, The Puma, 'cause, you know.

So

Oh, that's it?

The ones that lasted, yeah.

What happened? Why-

Why didn't they work out?

What always happens. Life.

[ Exhales ]

That's the dumbest thing

I've ever heard.

No, it's not.

It's awesome. Trust me.

I'm serious.

I'll go first.

[ Exhales ]

Penis.

Penis.

Penis!

Penis!

Penis!

There's kids around.

There are no kids around.

[ Giggling ]

Penis!

Penis!

You having fun?

Yeah.

This is the kind ofthing

you did with The Puma, isn't it?

Oh, we rarely left the room.

[ Loud ]

Penis!

Sorry. Tourette's.

You know how it is.

Penis!

She has it too. Penis!

Penis!

Shh. Everyone's

looking over here.

I'm done. I'm done.

Are you done?

I'm done.

You're done?

Yeah.

This is too much.

Unleash me. I'm done.

Promise?

I promise.

I promise.

[ Screaming ]

Penis!

[ Laughing ]

It's very complex.

Mmm.

In a way, it sort of, like,

says... so much...

by...

saying so little.

Do you want to go

to the movies?

Yep.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Film:
Man Speaking French ]

[ French Continues ]

[ Man Speaking Swedish ]

Suffering.

[ Man Speaking Swedish ]

So much suffering.

Suffering.

Suffering.

[ Man Speaking Swedish Continues ]

[ Speaks French ]

[ French ]

[ orchestra:
Dramatic ]

T-Tom?

Mr. Vance would like to

see you in his office.

[ Knocks ]

Tom.

Have a seat.

[ Exhales ]

Has something happened

to you recently?

What do you mean?

A death in the family,

someone taken ill

Anything like that.

No.

Look, I don't mean to pry, but...

does this have something to do

with Summer leaving?

Who?

My assistant.

Your, um

Tom, everyone knows.

Never mind.

The reason I'm asking is,

latelyyour work performance...

has been... a little off.

I'm not following.

okay.

Um, here's something

that you wrote last week.

Uh, ''Roses are red,

violets are blue.

Fuckyou, whore.''

Now, most shoppers

at Valentine's Day-

Mr. Vance, are you firing me?

No. No.

Relax, Hansen.

You're one ofthe good ones.

Okay. Uh, yeah, I'm sorry.

Things have been a little difficult.

That's okay. I completely

understand that.

I'm just saying

that perhaps you could

channel those energies,

um, into something like this.

Funerals and sympathy.

Misery, sadness, loss offaith,

no reason to live.

This is perfect foryou.

Uh

Good. okay.

Now back to workyou go.

Thankyou.

Hey.

Hey.

Don't you have, like,

Nope. All done.

Really? Can you help me?

'Cause I've run out ofways

to say ''congrats.''

Okay. I got ''Good job,''

''Well done'' and ''Way to go.''

That's it.

How 'bout, ''Every day

you make me proud,

but todayyou get a card.''

Sh*t, that's good!

I know.

Have you tried ''Merry''?

Wow! That's perfect! Merry!

wow!

We've been stuck on this

for an hour.

Hmm. How about...

''I love us''?

Aw.

I hate Summer.

I hate her crooked teeth.

l hate her 1 960s haircut.

I hate her knobby knees.

And I hate her cockroach-shaped

splotch on her neck.

I hate the way she smacks her lips

before she talks.

And I hate the way she sounds

when she laughs.

[ Man ]

She's like the wind

I hate this song!

Son, you're gonna

have to exit the vehicle.

[ Woman ]

l normally don't do blind dates,

but Paul and Robyn spoke

very highly ofyou.

Ah.

They said you write

greeting cards.

That's so interesting.

I wanted to write.

I actually majored

in English in college,

but what are you gonna do

with that degree?

I went to Brown.

where did you go?

Alison.

Hmm?

Listen, it's great to meet you,

and... you're a very attractive girl.

I just wanted to say up front

that this isn't

It's not gonna go anywhere.

oh.

I liked this girl.

I mean, I loved her.

What does she do?

She took a giant sh*t

on my face.

Literally.

Literally?

Not literally.

That's disgusting.Jesus.

What's the matter with you?

The point is,

I'm messed up. I am.

You know, on the one hand,

I want to forget her.

On the other hand,

I know that she's the only person

in the entire universe

that will make me happy.

Mm-hmm.

You ever do this?

You think back on the times

you had with someone, replay it

in your head over and over again,

and you look for those

first signs oftrouble.

There's two options really.

Either... she's an evil,

emotionless,

miserable human being,

or... she's a robot.

Small Wonder.

You know, Vicki.

That would explain

a lot actually.

Can I askyou a question?

Yeah.

She never cheated on you?

No. Never.

She ever take advantage

ofyou in any way?

No.

And she told you up front

that she didn't want a boyfriend.

Yeah.

I got a great idea.

Well, some things

you can explain away

But my heartache's in me

every day

Did you stand by me

No, not at all

Di-

Oh, fine! Go!

That's fine. See ya.

Waste oftime.

You don't look anything

like Summer.

[ Man on P.A. ]

Now departing on Track 2,

Pacific Surfliner.

Full service to Santa Barbara.

[ Engineer ]

All aboard, please.

Hey, baby.

Hey, you here?

Hell no.

What do you mean,

''Hell no''?

I'm not going to that.

Yes, you are.

No, man. It's gonna be

all old people.

Yeah, but you said you were going.

That's why I'm going.

And that's why

I called her last night,

told her I was sick.

Like a ninja.

Dude! I'm gonna I'm not gonna

know anybody at this thing.

Maybe you'll meet

some hot granddaughters

or something.

I'm hanging up now.

Bye, baby.

[ Man on P.A. ]

May I have your attention, please?

Passengers boarding the train

in Los Angeles, please...

have your tickets out

and ready for collection.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]

Hi, Tom!

Hey. Summer.

I must have walked right byyou.

Yeah.

Well, um, what are you doing?

Are you going to Millie's?

Me too.

Cool.

- I forgot you knew her.

- Yeah, we worked together

all that time, so

ofcourse.

I love Millie.

She's the sweetest.

She is.

- How are you?

- I'm good.

Good. I-I wrote to you.

I never heard back, but

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that.

I I just, you know-

It got kind ofcrazy,

and the holidays came up,

so work was

You still working forVance?

Yeah.

Well, I was gonna go get a coffee

ifyou wanna

[ Chuckles ]

''The Architecture of Happiness.''

Yeah.

That looks

like a good book.

Yeah, it's-

[ Clears Throat ]

Well, I don't want

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