Not Another Happy Ending Page #6

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Yeah.

You've given it a happy ending.

And your point?

The point is Jane's

novel doesn't end happily.

Well who the hell wants to walk

out of a movie feeling miserable?

You have to change it back.

Oh I don't think so. That

script says more about...

...my love for her than I

could ever put into words.

She doesn't know yet, does she?

Do you have any idea

what this will do to her?

To both of you?

I made a mistake and

I can't take it back.

But Willie, if you truly love her...

Change it.

What's going on here?

You just don't get her, do you?

Oh I get her all right.

Every night I get her. Any way up I fancy.

Hit a sick man, would you?

Watch this.

Remind me, does the bridge

explode in the novel?

Hi Janey, I'm home.

Any chance of a wee cup of tea?

Willie!

I just don't understand how you

can do this over a dumb ending.

No. No, you don't.

Well if it's any consolation Janey...

...I don't think you and me

would have worked out anyway.

I just don't get all that

worshipping your pain stuff.

Daddy issues.

Tom, if she hasn't delivered you have

to take Pandemic Media's offer.

Mark my words, never going to happen.

Well I'll have no option but to declare

you bankrupt and call in a Receiver.

You're my Relationship Manager, right?

Yes. So?

So what should I do about my relationship?

Oh for God's sake.

Do you love her?

Tom?

Jane.

Hi.

Tom's not here.

He should be back any

minute of you want to wait?

No, I don't think so.

I'm heading off for a bit of a break.

I just came to drop this off.

It's my new novel. I finished it.

That's a relief. Between

you and me your book's...

...the only thing stopping

this place going tits up.

So where shall I leave it?

Just put it on his desk.

Okay.

Bye.

Hold it.

Jane.

Jane!

Bastard!

Oh. Should I still be

seeing you? I finished it.

Leave me alone. All I want is to be alone!

Jane.

Jane!

Listen, I know you're in there.

And I know it sounds crazy

but I was trying to help.

Jane. Your dad's worried

about you and so am I.

He told me where to find you.

All you care about is what my

book can do for your damn company.

Well, you got what you wanted.

Jane, please, open the door.

Jane, I'm not good at

this countryside stuff. Alright?

I think I saw a bear.

Jane?

I'm sorry.

Thanks a lot.

I deserve that. I'll just go, shall I?

I'll go.

It's eight miles to the nearest village.

I don't expect to see you

when I wake up. Goodnight.

What the hell were you thinking?!

About the plant?

About me, you idiot!

Here's the thing.

You go to some dark

places when you write.

You bring out stuff most

people prefer to keep locked up.

So I thought that if

I made you miserable...

...I'd be able to finish my novel.

Well that's genius.

Yeah well I was wrong.

Of course you were wrong.

You don't have to be miserable to

write. You do it because you have to.

Because it gnaws away at your

insides if you try to ignore it.

Because if you don't write

then you might as well be dead.

What do you mean, you were wrong?

You got the novel, didn't you?

In Tom and Roddy-world the

plan was a roaring success.

Not exactly.

The last chapter. It doesn't work.

It needs a rewrite.

How much of it?

All of it.

You all right?

No. I'm bloody not all right

and I want my chocolate.

Maybe it would help if we talked it through.

What have I missed?

I think the problem might be that you

don't really get to choose your ending.

It has to follow naturally from what

comes before, or it doesn't feel true.

Oh he's so insightful.

I want to start with Darsie.

Goody.

I don't understand her.

No kidding.

I mean, why's she in love with a man

who betrays her so utterly?

He's emotionally crippled,

has an uncomfortable

tendency for mean-spiritedness...

He has nice... hair.

Okay, so yes, maybe there

is an element of autobiography.

Which means you're

the reason I can't write.

Me?

At some point during the last

few weeks it dawned on me that...

...when I finished this

novel, we were finished too.

And some insane part of me

doesn't want that to happen.

You're my block, Tom.

But I want you to finish it.

Yeah of course you want me to finish it,

but for what? So you can turn a profit.

I've sold it.

What?

I've sold the business.

No, you can't have sold it.

That stupid company is you.

Get it back. You can't do this to me.

I'm on the moral high ground

here and I'm not getting off now.

You sold it?

Yeah.

And you can take all

the time you need...

...for the last chapter.

I made it part of the deal.

Tom. I didn't sign.

With Klinsch and McLeish. I couldn't do it.

Jane, I've spoken to my

Relationship Manager...

If I hear the words 'sad', 'beautiful'

or 'music' you're a dead man.

Apparently...

I block you.

And I block you too.

What? What could possibly be more important?

I know how it ends.

I'm just going to get my laptop.

I don't care.

You are on fire.

You're pretty hot yourself, baby.

Err, Tom? Tom, what are

you doing? Tom? Oh my God. Tom!

Tom?

Tom!

Why is it that the saddest

endings always seem the truest?

In the stories I told myself

I was always the heroine...

...always reaching for my happy ending.

It didn't turn out that way.

I won't get to spend

the rest of my life with him.

But I was loved. And that's enough.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Jane Lockhart will now be signing

copies of her chart-topping new novel...

'You'll Catch Your Death'.

Well, Darsie. Back where you belong.

Are you actually talking to your book?

You don't think it's all a bit tacky?

Tacky? We have canapes.

Now get signing.

Right, you ready? Go on, just do it.

Okay, pay attention class, pay attention!

Jane Lockhart, of course...

...follows Charlotte Bronte

as only the second writer...

...in English to design and

build her own hovercraft.

Hovercraft.

H.O.V.E.R.C.R.A.F.T.

See? They'll believe

anything you tell them.

So, I thought you said Pandemic

Media people were coming today.

Where are they?

You're looking at them.

What do you mean?

They want someone in

the company who won't...

...let you get away with

your usual extravagance.

Someone hard-line.

Someone disciplined.

Ah, brilliant.

Cheers, thank you.

You read it.

Yeah. Her father was really bad to her.

A nasty piece of work.

- No. No, no, he wasn't nas...

- But...

She forgives him in the end.

Mr L. Oh...

...if you think that was bad...

...wait til you see what she's

done with you in the new one.

Yeah. Errm...

Mr Lockhart, Benny, would

you give us a second?

Yeah, yeah sure.

Thanks.

- So...

- Uh-huh?

- Look...

- Yes?

You are, frankly, about the most

infuriating person I've ever met.

Which considering I work in Scottish

publishing, is saying something.

But we couldn't have got

here without each other.

So Jane, what I'm saying is...

Will you...

Could you...

Is that a contract?

Two more books and

an option for a third.

Exclusive?

Naturally we'd have to work

very, very, very closely.

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