Not Another Not Another Movie Page #10

So apparently,

I ordered something from

Yugoslavia last night.

Yeah. It's a bride.

She'll be here tomorrow.

You're not at

Quizno's now, okay?

I need you

To give me pacino.

Right now, you're

Giving me boo radley.

Access your inner child.

He's drunk today!

(speaking spanish)

Ready?

Yeah, i'm ready.

I been ready all day.

I'm sorry.

Okay, slower, slower.

You're goin' too fast.

Go faster.

Ernie, get outta the way.

Get outta the way. Ow!

Oh, hit me in

The head. Thanks.

And... Cut!

Come on, kid,

It's your big moment.

Cut! Cut!

Forget it. Action.

Chicken.

That was it.

It just came to me

One night.

Flavor number 32,

Chicken ice cream.

Everybody loves chicken.

Everybody eats chicken.

You put the rainbow

Sprinkles on it for the kids,

Call it chicken salad.

I know it sounds...

That sounds silly.

So anyway, the studio...

Uh, pretty much went under,

And i lost pretty much

Everything i had,

But it was

A blessing in disguise,

Because i think

It gave me the time

To really pursue

My calling,

My life calling

Which is, of course,

Opening up

My ice cream shop again,

And i called it

32 flavors.

Beat that,

Mr. Robbins.

Woman:
actually, i think

They have 50 flavors now.

Oh, 50 flavors.

What are you talking about?

No, they do.

They have,

Like, 50 flavors.

Don't say that.

Don't say it again.

You know, we really

Only need one camera here.

If you'd put your camera

Down, please, and leave.

I'm trying to speak

To the...

Just put it down.

I'm sorry.

I'm starting to sweat.

Fifty flavors.

Who told her that? Sh*t.

So we wrapped on

The tricycle picture,

It went great.

No one actually watched it,

Which was good because

I'm actually trying

To let that part of me go.

The film was not

About my cousin.

It was about me.

I'm so proud

Of you, honey.

Thanks, babe.

But i am working on

A brand-new script.

It's wonderful.

It's about a small boy

Who's afraid of fire,

Because his dad would

Actually put out cigars

On his neck.

That one's about

My cousin.

That one's about

My cousin, so...

So, we're married now.

Yeah, it's goin' great.

What else is new?

Oh, yeah, we had

Coitus last night.

Yes, we did.

But, baby, can you

Never call it coitus

Ever again?

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, babe.

Hey, i'm gonna go

Get that coffee for you.

She's a coffee nut.

So... I think marriage life

Is really good for us.

Especially randy.

He's changed so much,

You probably wouldn't

Even recognize him.

He's really learning

How to deal with his past.

He's really maturing.

He's just growing up.

Randy?

Are you getting sleepy?

(bell rings)

You shut up,

You shut up.

Pecker, pecker!

Pecker. Yah, yah.

Pecker, pecker.

Now i'm tired,

And daddy's gonna

Take a piss.

So wes and i decided

To start a production company.

It's going great.

I'm finally living

Out my dreams,

Which is amazing.

With wes and ben's,

You're getting

An amazing deal.

We can take your script

And make it into

A blockbuster.

I'm talking big.

Let me talk about quality.

Capital "q."

(bb gun fires)

Randy:
why are you crying?

Yes. I'm gonna enjoy this.

So i'm still learning

American law.

Apparently you need

Some kind of a permit

So that you can

Carry a gun.

And they don't like it

When you shoot someone,

I can tell you that.

I went abroad,

And i'm rooming with lester.

In a cell with lester.

But you know,

We got a theater group goin'.

everybody's involved.

It's mamma mia!

Yeah, but we've had to

Push it back.

Our lead guy

Got stabbed in the showers

By the understudy.

Apparently picked up

The wrong piece of soap.

(sighs)

The show will go on.

I know. It's okay.

You want whipped cream.

I hope you just didn't

Miss your chance

To read your poem.

(shrieks)

This is unbelievable.

Everyone else sees

This, right?

You are a nightmare.

An absolute nightmare

To work with.

Yeah, cheryl.

Why don't you

Say something?

Come on, cheryl.

Say something.

I'm on my period,

I'm grouchy,

I don't wanna talk.

So i know randy's an idiot,

But he did help me

To find my gift.

My gift of makeup.

I started my own

Makeup line.

I actually named it

After randy.

It's called... Ignorance.

Randy doesn't get it,

But, oh well.

Booger!

He was trying

To make me laugh.

Apparently, there was

Some mix-up thing

With randy

And the internet.

I solved that problem

For him, and i'm married.

Reached my ultimate goal.

So... Where is she from?

Uh...

The republic

Of yugoslavia.

Not from around here.

It's funny

How these things work out.

Because i actually

Was thinking about

Buying a wife

On the internet.

But my credit card--

I was way, way over the limit,

So when randy came

To me with this,

I jumped on it, so...

Originally, i was

Gonna go asian,

But i think this actually

Worked out better for me.

So, um... And we're

Really, really happy.

We are...

You're happy, right?

(speaking spanish)

I've never been fired

So many times in a day.

Man:
cut.

I'm pumped.

I'm friggin' pumped.

Listen to this.

I got a job as a disc jockey.

I'm bart the deejay.

That's tight, right?

I'm working for z94.3 fm.

They gave me

This cool time slot.

I'm working mondays,

2:
00 to 5:00 a.M.

I'm doin' this thing

On the air now.

I'm, like, what up? Boom.

I'm goin' bart-listic on you.

Everyone in the studio's,

Like, that's tight.

I'm pretty much coverin'

All the big stuff.

I'm doin' intersections,

Cars, water main breaks.

I'm doing traffic.

Mostly traffic.

But let's be honest.

Being on the radio

Doesn't hurt in

The ass department, right?

Boom! We're gettin'

Bart-listic on you.

(high-pitched vocalizing)

Man:
musical.

Marker.

Wes' ideas

Are very good,

And i should

Listen to him more.

Is that too many metaphors?

Maybe it is.

(laughter)

Why aren't you laughin'?

Why couldn't i have

Thought of that first?

(airplane overhead)

Hit the deck!

He started to struggle,

And i started to

Beat him in the head,

Again and again and again.

But they ordered us

To do it.

Bobby? What's his name?

It's randy.

Randy?

Randy?

'cause i'm uncomfortable

Being nude in front of

Other people.

Never let go.

Promise you'll

Never let go.

I got hot cocoa.

I'm starting to lose

My power of sight.

Oh, you got me.

Push it. Push

The f***ing button!

(all yelling)

Let me talk to him.

Dad, it's me. Listen,

What you're doing

Is a very brave thing.

So...

So stupid.

What a stupid opening.

Stupid, stupid.

...Over at

Craft services.

(imitates gunfire)

You screwed up

Big time, randy.

Can i help you?

Too late.

I think you're lost.

Did you call cut

Already?

Can i go home

And get my contacts?

No!!

Look right over there

At the card and read it.

Yeah, we speak english.

We just find it easier

To never do it.

We don't have

To work very hard.

We get out of jobs

That we don't wanna do.

And they can't fire us.

That's a big plus.

Yeah. Very.

Can you guys

Move your car?

It's in my spot.

no ingles.

(speaking spanish)

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