Not Another Not Another Movie Page #9

Randy. Randy?

What the hell

Are you doin' here?

I thought i

Took away your key.

What key? I don't

Have a key.

Your door's open.

You shut up.

You do not speak

Unless you are spoken to.

You just spoke to me.

I asked you nicely

To shut your mouth,

But you just couldn't do it.

You're gonna get

A visit from mr. Belt.

What belt?

This belt.

The one that's

Gonna hit you

Across your face.

Oh, that doesn't feel good.

There's no belt.

Maybe you'll feel it

If it hits your little pecker.

Oh, doesn't feel good.

Hurts when it hits the tip.

You're creepin' me out a little

Bit, and i think you got me

Confused with someone else.

I ain't confused, randy,

You chubby little bastard.

Now you shut up.

Why don't you

Just calm down--

Shut it!

Ha!

I don't have time for this.

Some people at work

Are worried about you,

So i said i'd come by

And check on you.

It really stinks in here.

Nipple shot,

Nipple shot,

Pecker shot.

Just calm down.

Priorities, priorities.

What is wrong with you?

Priorities.

Daddy's gotta

Take a piss.

Daddy feels like

A camel today.

I need some more

Help with this.

Unload. Unload.

Daddy went in

His shorts again.

Wes:
you need water?

Are you okay?

(growls)

Thanks.

You're welcome, randy.

I told you. See?

I'm pretending like

I didn't see that.

It scares me.

Don't be a wussy.

Come on.

Jog. Come on, randy.

Five more miles.

Keep it goin'.

Randy? Whoa, whoa,

Whoa. Randy?

(ice cream truck

Music jingling)

Randy?

Randy! Ra...

"the boy found the tricycle

And was overwhelmed with joy,

"a joy he hadn't felt

Since he was in middle school

"when he got a single

During kickball to almost

Tie the game up,

"even though he got

Thrown out at second

And they lost.

The end."

This is a really

Great script,

Huh, ernie?

Hey, let's

Read it again.

That's a good idea.

Would you like that,

Randy? Yeah?

"once upon a time, there were

Two dead, naked bodies."

Come on,

Snap out of it.

I can't breathe.

Oh, you can breathe.

Have some more.

You ready

To quit faking?

Oh. Oh, great.

Now he's playing dead.

Playing dead, randy?

Is that what

You're gonna do?

Okay, he's just

Gonna play dead.

All right, randy.

We're gonna leave.

We're leaving, randy.

Bye-bye.

Where do you think

You're goin'?

I'm comin' with you.

Go home, boy,

Or you'll feel

The back of my hand.

But i finished my work.

Go home or i'll give you

A kick in the ass.

I need you to stay here

And look after the place

For me while i'm away.

But, dad, i can fight.

No, you can't.

Yes, i can.

It's our wits

That make us men,

And you do not

Have any wits.

You've none at all.

In fact, you're

Downright stupid.

What are you doin'

With that stupid

Paint on your face?

So i can be

A warrior like...

Give me that

Before you cut

Your bollocks off.

In fact, if you

Got into a fight,

You'd probably

Run away and piss yourself.

Jesus christ. You cannot

Even stay awake for

Five minutes.

(thudding sound)

(deep inhalation)

I'm alive!

It was a joke.

You're an a**hole.

The last thing i remember

Is coming into my apartment

Right after i was fired,

And then, i sat here...

Did that just happen?

I've been a real jerk to you.

No, you haven't.

Yes, i have.

No, we're friends.

No, we're not.

No, we're not friends.

We're best friends.

All the accidents

At work...

I'm real accident-prone.

Your tricycle script.

I know. I thought

That was weird.

Did i tell you that i had

The same idea for a script?

I even wrote it.

I know. It was yours.

That's why we're

Best friends.

We think alike.

And act alike.

We should get t-shirts.

Oh, my god.

You are so stupid.

Okay, now you're

Being mean.

And best friends don't

Treat each other that way.

Randy, i stole

Your script.

I took it from you

When you were sleeping

Right there.

I broke your desk,

I set off your fire alarm,

You are not accident-prone.

Okay, just leave it there.

So i did everything

Else to you... Just

Leave it, okay?

I did everything

Else to you.

I've been a real jerk.

I've been making your life

A living hell, and i'm sorry.

I can see what

Your hand is doing.

I can see it.

I'm trying to be nice to you

Here, randy, and you're

Being a jerk about it.

I came here to give you

Your job back and ask you

To direct the tricycle script,

You dick!

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't

Have called you that.

It's okay.

It's okay, buddy.

Thanks?

It's all right.

Randy. Randy?

Yeah?

You're in your underwear.

I know. It's okay.

Can i sit here?

Sure.

Wendy, before

You say anything,

I just have to apologize

For leaving you at

The studio a few days ago.

It's okay.

I wanted to call.

I just, uh... I've just

Been dealing with it

In my own way.

I've... I've been

Out of town.

Huh?

Yeah.

I've been at the hamptons.

It's where i go

To gather my thoughts.

Randy, i've been

With you the last

Two days.

I don't know what

You're talking about,

But i was definitely at

The hampton inn.

Wendy, i like you,

And, uh...

I've always

Liked you, wendy.

I know i was a little fast

In giving you the ring

And asking you to marry me,

And i know you

Don't want to,

And it's okay.

I just hope that we

Can still be friends.

No, i do.

Me, too.

I love your

Friendship and...

No.

I would not--

Listen to me,

'cause i mean it.

I wouldn't do anything ever

To sacrifice our friendship.

I wanna marry you.

Except for that.

Our friendship's gone.

You're gonna be my wife.

Are you saying...

You really wanna...

I can't breathe

Right now.

I might have thrown

The ring into

The l.A. River.

No, you didn't.

No, i did.

I threw it hard.

I threw it really far.

I'm a baseball player.

No, you didn't.

No, i did.

I know what i did.

I threw it.

Are you calling me

A liar again?

Randy, i've, uh,

Had it the whole time.

Wait a second.

This is my grandma's

Cubic zirconium...

I mean, diamond.

So i thought

It was just

The box that i threw.

I guess it...

So we're doin' this?

I mean, we're...

We're really

Getting married.

I guess so.

Okay.

Well, first things first.

Oh! This feels good.

It feels like,

It feels right.

That's the wrong finger.

Of course it is.

Let me try that again.

All right.

It feels right,

Doesn't it?

It feels perfect.

Still the wrong finger.

Okay, we'll try

That again.

It would be

This finger.

I know that.

So i guess this means

We should kiss.

Okay.

Yeah. I mean,

It's standard.

Standard married...

Um, just to warn you...

Just to warn you...

I have never

Kissed a woman.

And i've been really

Excited about this,

So i'm just gonna go

And i'm feeling

Really romantic right now.

I'm just gonna

Do this, okay?

Okay.

I'm kissing your nose,

Aren't i?

Uh-huh.

I'm sorry. I've just

Never done this before.

It's okay.

I should probably stop

Grabbing your face.

Okay.

Okay?

Just pretend like

That never happened.

I'm sorry.

So... It's

Me and you now.

Yeah.

It's just me and you.

What?

Hmm?

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