Not Another Not Another Movie Page #8

Yippie-kai-yay, mother...

Yippie-kai-yay, moth--

He pushed the button!

He pushed the button!

I love him.

He pushed the button.

I love my dad.

Guys, actually,

He didn't push

The button in time.

What?

He only missed it

By a few minutes.

Yeah, exactly.

Actually, he missed it

By about an hour and a half.

Oh, look. It just

Touched the earth.

Are we gonna...

Randy!

Get up.

Wastin' the talent's

Time here.

I'll talk to you, cuba.

Sorry about that.

I dozed off there.

Hey, i was hopin'

I'd get a chance

To talk to you, wolfgang.

Can i call you wolf?

Yeah.

Great. Listen, dawg,

You had a great performance,

Especially those

Last few takes.

It was so good.

It was great.

There's nothin'

I can even say.

It was amazing.

Thank you.

I do have some notes,

Mainly about your dialogue.

Not working.

You want me to do

Something different?

I'm just tryin' to do

The lines like in the movie.

Yeah, that's what i was

Hoping for, too, along

With the rest of the crew.

Really, what i was hoping

For was maybe that you

Did some research,

And maybe rented the movie

Once or twice or once.

Really researched it,

Because you obviously

Don't know what a code red is.

I don't need

To rent the movie.

I was in the movie.

I know what

A code red is.

Were you an extra?

An extra?

Mm-hmm.

I was one of the leads.

That's why they

Cast me in this role.

It was a role

I played in the movie.

I get it.

This is an issue

Of industry terminology.

You see, a lead is

One of the focus characters

In the film.

You were probably

A lead background extra,

Which is more like

A set piece or a prop.

(quietly)

I had a pretty good

Role in that movie.

I was not a prop.

No reason to raise

Your voice, okay?

Who's raising their voice?

No reason to scream.

I think there's just

A miscommunication here.

What we're spoofing

Is a military courtroom drama

That had jack nicholson,

Tom cruise and

Denzel washington.

It wasn't

Denzel washington.

It was me.

Okay?

I'm the actor

Who played the guy

Who did the code red.

Agree to disagree.

Why are we shooting this

In a spaceship?

Because that's

Where it happened.

You know what?

Maybe you oughta

Rent the movie.

Okay, 'cause it did not

Happen in a spaceship.

It was a courtroom drama.

Listen, i don't want

To fight with you, okay?

All i want you to do

Is say the line

Exactly how

Denzel washington said it.

"you ordered the code red."

I did not order

The code red.

I did it.

Okay? I'm the guy

That killed santiago.

Listen, dawg,

I am not a therapist.

All i need you to do

Is say the line exactly

How denzel said it.

Let me see the script.

Okay, come inside here.

You know, this is where...

I'm not gettin' in there.

What am i gettin' in there for?

Because this is

The courthouse,

The judge comes up here.

No, the judge is over here,

And it's the moment...

Whatever.

Listen, do the improv.

You'll be great.

He's gettin' into it.

Hey, you, uh...

Nicholson and cruise,

You said they were

Gonna do this, so

They're comin', right?

Absolutely not.

We lied.

Okay, whenever

You're ready.

And, cut.

Randy.

Oh, hey, wendy.

How are you?

I'm good.

Is this a bad time?

Oh, no, i love you.

I mean,

Walk with me.

I was just

Talking to an extra.

I've missed you

The past few weeks.

Really?

Yeah.

Listen, i've just been

Thinking about something

You said to me over and over,

And i just wanted to

Come down here and get

Some closure on it.

Oh, no, listen,

I say a lot of things

That i don't mean.

What did i say?

You said you loved me.

Might have been

One of those.

What did you think

About what i said

Or didn't say?

I probably didn't.

I don't remember.

I liked it.

I said it, i did.

I remember you were

Wearing a green dress.

So you do?

Wendy, i wanna

Be honest with you.

I have a lot of

Commitment issues.

Would you marry me?

Problem! Randy, we got

A big friggin' problem.

Come on.

Wait, wait, wait.

Randy.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

I didn't even mean it.

Or i did. We can

Talk about it.

Hi.

You're wendy, right?

Yeah.

It's kind of

A secret,

But randy's planning

On proposing.

Oh, yeah?

Shh.

Okay.

Okay, calm down

What happened?

Just a minor issue, randy.

We're missing all of

Our footage.

We only have one tape.

Should we have

More than one?

Hey, news flash, randy.

We're supposed to have

35 tapes.

35?

Randy, where are all the tapes

That we bring you every day

For the last

Three weeks?

Okay, i sit here,

And somebody come in

And brings me a tape.

I don't know

What to do with it,

So i bring it back to 'em.

Can i make

An observation, randy?

You're displaying symptoms

Of mild retardation.

Oh, now come...

Come on. Come on.

Randy, how many of the tapes

That we brought to you

Did you bring back to us?

All of 'em?

You're stressin' me out

Big time, randy.

I will play

The blame game.

What'd i do?

You screwed up

Big time, randy.

What's going on?

Idiot recorded over

All the footage.

Did i?

You did?

Tell him.

I just proposed,

And i'm pretty sure

She said no, and her hair

Smells like strawberries.

I'll probably never

Smell hair again.

We don't have any tapes,

We don't have any footage.

This orangutan

Takes the tapes to his room

And does weird

Little thing with them,

Then he brings them back

And he records over them.

All of it?

All of it.

That's horrible.

Pinch me.

This ain't a dream.

Thanks, people.

Give yourselves

A pat on the back.

End of story.

Lester's money's gone.

You go and see lester.

You sort it out

With lester.

You complete prick.

And you two,

That stupid grin

On your face.

We wanted to fire you

Three or four times, okay?

yeah? Now you're fired!

Right? Comprende? Fuego!

Piss off!

Out. Ben, do us a favor, son.

You go with 'em, all right?

Otherwise, i'll get

Richard f***ing tyson

And sort you smart out.

Oh, great, i'm fired.

How can this happen?

Wes, get in here

And sort this out.

You left me

In the pod.

I'm sorry i didn't

Rent your movie.

I don't wanna be

Fired. I'm sorry, okay?

Randy.

I'm sorry.

I wanted to talk

To you about the ring.

I get it, okay?

You don't wanna marry me.

Randy. Randy,

Here's your last paycheck.

Let me guess. Another check

Made out to ben.

I'll tell you what.

I'm not ben, okay?

I'm not ben,

I'm not ben,

I'm not ben,

I'm not ben,

I'm not ben.

I'm randy. R-a-n-d-y. Randy.

The bank doesn't even

Accept these.

I can't even cash 'em.

That was to randy eubanks.

Do you have any tape?

No.

Okay.

Great. No tape!

I wish i was ben.

Maybe then you'd

Remember my name.

Maybe then

You'd like me,

Not hate me.

I like my chest hair.

I don't care if you do.

I wish i was ben.

I wish i was ben!

I wish i was ben.

I don't even care anymore.

Stupid ring.

Sorry, grandma.

(cat yowls)

(crying loudly)

Why does it feel

So good to cry?

I feel like i've never cried

Until this day.

What a mess.

God, he is a moron.

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