Not Another Teen Movie Page #2

There's no way

she could be prom queen.

Damn, that sh*t's whack.

Aim for the head!

Can you imagine

what they do in there?

Holy cow.

Guys, get your heads

out of the gutter.

It's a locker room.

It's no sexier in there...

...than it is in here.

Molly, can you help me

take off my panties?

Hold on, I've got lotion

on my hands.

That's okay.

You can just use your mouth.

Thanks, Miss Peters.

So...

...who would like to share their poem

with the class?

Mr. Keller? Over here.

Right here. Please.

Anyone?

Please pick me.

I'm the one.

Yes...

...Ricky.

- "Ten Things I Love About Janey."

- Oh, not again.

By Ricky Lipman.

I love it when Janey talks

I love it when Janey walks

I love it when Janey drinks

I love it when Janey blinks

I love it when Janey says hi

I love it when Janey says

See you in English

I love following Janey to the mall

And I love...

...collecting strands

ofJaney's hair...

...and rolling them up

lnto little Janey hairballs

Thank you, Ricky,

for that interesting poem.

- I'm not sure we should be doing this.

- Quiet. I hear them.

I can't believe

what we just did, Molly.

It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience

that will never happen again.

Sh*t, we missed it.

Let's keep going.

Hey, I found a buffalo nickel!

Jackpot.

Girl go pee-pee

not what I want to see-see.

I agree-gree.

Would you two please try and be

a little open-minded?

Class, let's open our books

and continue with our poetry lesson.

You know what I think about poetry?

Oh, is that amusing?

Is that what your generation

considers humor?

This make me kind of happy in pants.

Goodness.

That make me kind of sad in pants.

Shakespeare, Molire...

...Oscar Wilde.

These were humorists.

I'm gonna be sick.

The sublime poetic genius

of a clever turn of phrase.

That is true comedy.

Heavens to Betsy.

Your modern, moronic, feeble-minded,

sophomoric excuse for wit...

...is merely a parade of nasty...

...filthy, vulgar...

...human excrement!

Excuse me.

- Hey, Janey. What's up?

- Excuse me?

Ever want to be

the most popular girl in school?

Anorexic, superficial?

A whore who lacks any real

long-term goals?

Exactly.

If you're interested,

I thought we could go out sometime.

Be seen in public.

- We haven't spoken in four years.

- Actually, more like six.

That time when we were

in line at that theater...

...l was actually saying "hey"

to the person behind you.

Friday's championship game

is against North Compton...

...and that squad always tries

to bring it.

- Bring what, Priscilla?

- Bring it.

Right, but what is "it"?

It's just what they bring, okay?

New girl.

I'm Sandy Sue.

It is simply swell to meet all of you.

Peachy.

You brought a routine?

Oh, you bet.

Give me an H.

Give me a U.

Give me a giant p*ssy-licking,

ass-f***er cock sh*t!

I'm sorry.

That was my Tourette's.

I don't know about her.

Let's get it straight.

This isn't a cheerocracy.

I am the cheertator.

I make the cheercisions,

I will deal with the cheeronsequences.

If there are no more cheeruptions,

we can cheertinue.

Thank you.

Grandpa stuck a finger in my ass!

Cum face!

She'll cheer do.

Great.

Goddamn it, let's go now!

Thirty-two draw!

Goddamn it!

Let's show some goddamn hustle!

Look alive out there!

This isn't a goddamn tryout!

- Goddamn it!

- Blue 21! Hut!

What the hell?

Nobody's covering that hole!

Goddamn it!

Let's do it again!

Marty! Marty! Marty!

All right, Marty.

- Get your ass in there.

- You sure?

Just go, goddamn it.

Wyler, we got this wrapped up.

All you gotta do is run out the clock.

For God's sakes,

don't try anything fancy!

Goddamn it.

Listen, boys.

We got time for one more play.

- I say we get the ball to Marty.

- Damn.

No, I'm just happy

being on the field.

Coach reckons we should take a knee.

We're up 42- 0.

I don't care what coach reckons.

You can't go through life

being scared.

If you do, you'll always wonder,

"What if?"

But if you go out there

and you give it your all...

...that's heroic.

Guys, I appreciate this, but--

That's the spirit! Ready?

What are you doing?

Get out of here.

Not here. Down there.

Over here?

What are you doing?

Over here!

Here?

We love you, Marty!

Set, hut!

No. No.

No, don't throw it to me.

No!

- Nice hands, Marty!

- I did it.

- I'm a hero!

- Walk it off!

All right, goddamn it!

Hit the showers, goddamn it!

Bunch of candy-asses.

Lousy practice!

We'll get our asses kicked Friday!

What about fourth-string?

I didn't get to practice.

After all the shenanigans

you pulled last season...

...thank God you're still

in goddamn uniform, goddamn it!

If my parents hear I got detention,

no dessert for a week.

We've disgraced ourselves

and our families.

I sense the morale's a little low.

I say we make a pact...

...right here, right now.

Before the end of the year,

we all get laid!

We always make that pact.

We've been waiting for this

since puberty.

- Two weeks ago!

- I just got first hair on ball.

I don't think you understand.

We'll become the masters of our

sexual destiny.

No longer will our penises remain

flaccid and unused.

No longer steal Grandfather's porn.

No longer will we use blindfolds

when we jerk each other off.

All right, that's it.

What in God's name is going on?

- What was that ruckus?

- I no hear ruckus.

- I heard a ruckus.

- Can you describe this ruckus, sir?

You better watch your tongue,

young man!

We were just sitting here.

You just bought yourself

another detention.

- That's not fair.

- Cry me a river, dickface.

- You bought another one.

- Eat my shorts.

What was that?

Eat my shorts!

- Don't mess with a bull.

- I'm shaking.

- You got another.

- Good!

- You through?

- Not even close, bud.

- Want another one?

- Yes.

- You got it!

- Good.

- Another one. Had enough?

- No.

- Another one.

- So?

- I can keep going.

- Go!

- Eenie, meenie, minie--

- Moe.

- Your mom's a--

- Ho.

- He's a famous clown.

- Bobo.

Mitch, cut it out.

- Another one.

- But I was--

That's another one!

- One more for Ox or for Mitch?

- Another.

- I confused.

- Shut up, Wang Chung.

I got you for the rest of your lives.

You're mine.

Next time, I'm cracking skulls.

How many times have I said

I'm not going to Princeton?

I'm not pressuring you.

Just give it four years.

If you don't like it,

you can work at my firm.

I don't want your life!

That's okay, son.

I heard about what happened

with Priscilla.

The good news is...

...l've got the perfect rebound girl.

Really?

Beverly! Could you come in here?

That's Mom!

What do you say, kiddo?

I'm gonna leave you two alone.

Make me proud, son.

So, you in love?

- Yeah, I think I am.

- Well, who is this guy?

His name is Blane. He's a senior.

He's so beautiful.

Janey? Sweetheart?

Hi, Daddy.

Is something wrong?

You were quiet at dinner.

You were passed out on the table.

Listen, honey...

...l may not always be coherent

or conscious...

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