Not Another Teen Movie Page #5

No matter what it takes

Here I go, I'm gonna forget about Jake

Prom tonight

Prom tonight

Prom tonight

It's gonna happen, gonna happen

At the prom

Tonight

When I was a freshman,

I threw 176 touchdown passes.

My sophomore year, I ran 14 in

on my own with a sprained ankle...

...a broken phalange, a ruptured

duodenum and a subdermal hematoma.

I bet she great bonk.

Excuse me, Bruce? No.

You don't bonk Amanda Becker.

You make sweet, sweet love to her.

Amanda Becker's like a flower.

You smell her.

You touch her gently.

You admire the beauty.

You watch it blossom.

And you thank God he created

something so perfect.

Go to her.

Be strong, Mitch!

What do you expect from me?

- Do you think I'll have sex with you?

- No! You don't understand.

Because I am not a cheap slut.

I don't screw every pathetic guy

that gives me a letter.

I give them handjobs.

- Want to dance?

- Only if we're horizontal.

I totally heard that.

We're dancing.

It's funny.

You'd never suspect everyone

here is a professional dancer.

Oh, God. No.

I want to do it here

on the dance floor.

Don't you forget our deal.

She wins, you're mine.

And now the moment every popular guy

who's made a bet...

...to turn a rebellious girl

into prom queen has been waiting for:

The announcement

of the prom king and queen.

This year's prom king is...

Marty!

...Jake Wyler!

Way to go, Jake!

This year's prom queen is...

You got it, Priscilla!

I don't believe it. It's a tie.

A tie?

- Holy sh*t!

- Oh, my God.

Your new prom queens are...

- ...Kara and Sara Fratelli.

- F***.

- Oh, my God!

- They deserve it.

Congratulations!

There we go! Your king and queen.

I say we make like a tree

and branch...

...out of here.

All right, Kara and Sara.

Now, it is traditional

for the king and queen...

- ...to share a ceremonial dance.

- Come here.

You smell good.

Do you know where Austin went?

I know he rented a room at

the Sunrise Motel. Room number six.

Past the ice dispenser. Hit the

Pepsi machine, you went too far.

Oh, and the door will not be locked.

That's all I know.

Thanks, Malik.

You're intelligent and insightful.

You don't get the respect you deserve.

You really mean that, Jake?

That's great! I've always wanted

to discuss--

I actually got to go. Sorry.

Motherf***er.

Hold it right there, mister.

I am not going to let you hurt Janey

again, okay? Besides, I love her.

Well, so do l.

But I'm the best friend, and I've

been in front of her the whole time...

...and she just doesn't realize

it yet, but she will.

I'm the cool guy who's learned

the error of his ways.

She'll forgive my mistakes

and realize I love her.

Damn it. That's true.

Why's this door locked?

It's a fire hazard!

Get out of the road!

Hey, watch it, man!

She's not attracted to you!

She doesn't love you!

You'll never be more than a friend!

Two dollars!

Ice dispenser.

Six.

Yeah! I'll make you forget all

about losing prom queen.

Tell me who your daddy is!

Tell me who your papa is!

Get off her, man!

Priscilla.

Don't move.

- What's going on?

- Something beautiful.

- Where's Janey?

- Miss Run-Home-To-My-Daddy...

...ran home to her daddy.

- That's for taking Janey to the prom.

- You put the--

- That's for hurting her at the party!

- This is really turning me on.

That's for being really weird.

Thank you.

I don't know what that was for.

I never thought I'd hear myself

say this...

...but for once, I wish I could meet

a nice, sensitive guy...

...who wanted more than just sex.

That is very admirable.

I wish a guy would

take me out for dinner.

I feel the same way.

And for once...

...l wish a guy would take a dump

on my chest.

That is appalling.

That really upsets me.

I can't believe nobody's ever taken

a dump on your chest.

Will you be that guy?

It would be an honor and a privilege.

Hello?

Is anybody home?

Get down! Enemy fire!

Mr. Briggs?

Excuse me, sir.

Do you know where Janey is?

She went out there. On her own.

There's Charlie everywhere.

Right. Do you know where she went?

Couldn't take it. Went to the airport.

Something about Paris.

Her tour was over.

Paris. Thank you, sir.

I need ammo! I can't hold them off

much longer!

Off the road, you glasses

and ponytail freak!

Two dollars!

- Two dollars!

- Two dollars!

Next stop, airport.

The red zone is for the loading

and unloading ofpassengers.

No parking.

Attention, please.

All red Porsche 944s parked in the

white zone will be towed immediately.

Paris Air, flight 805 to art school

in Paris...

...from gate 122, is now boarding.

Excuse me, everyone!

There's a girl boarding a plane

right now to Paris, that I love.

If I don't get there in time and

tell her how I feel...

...l may never see her again.

Go get her, son.

Good luck, young man.

- Go get her!

- Go for it.

Oh, hell, just go.

Freeze, b*tch!

You're bleeding on my suitcase.

Excuse me!

Excuse me, everyone!

There's a girl about to board a plane

to Paris right now that I love--

We already heard that one. A**hole.

This is the final call forParis Air

flight 805 to art school...

...departing from gate 122.

Hey, shithead, that's mine.

Give it back!

Just believe in the ball, Jake.

And throw yourself.

Nice shot, Jake.

Thank God I got to you in time.

I'm not going to let you go to Paris.

- This is the final call...

- Why not?

...for flight 805 to art school.

Ifyou're finding words to stop a girl

from leaving, now would be the time.

I made that bet before I knew you.

Before I really knew me.

Oh, Jake.

Okay, hold it right there.

Tell me you didn't quote

Freddie Prinze Jr.

I knew it. That was a line

from She's All That.

I masturbate to that movie.

Do you mind?

No, not at all.

Masturbation's very healthy.

Janey, you said you couldn't believe

in someone that didn't believe in you.

Well, I believed in you.

I always believed in you.

Oh, Jake.

Oh, God. I can't believe

you fell for that crap.

- That's Pretty in Pink.

- Are you sure?

Trust me.

- Excuse me. What are you doing?

- Let me give you some advice, Jake.

Lose the I'm-The-Cute-And-Sensitive

Popular-Boy routine.

It's pathetic.

And tell Janey

what's true in your heart.

Stop being such a little b*tch.

And you. Miss Other-Side-Of-The-Tracks

Awkward-Rebel-With-Glasses.

Wise up to Jake's bullshit.

Stop being such a dumb-ass.

She's right.

- Janey...

- Yes, Jake?

Maybe you should get on that plane

and go to Paris.

Well, if you stay,

we really only have the summer.

Then I go to college. We'll spend

the occasional weekend together.

Which is nice.

But chances are, one night I'll get

wrecked and have sex with some girl.

You'll call me a slut.

I'll call you a cocktease

and we'll break up.

So when you really think about it,

what's the point?

Well, that wasn't exactly the kind

of truth I was expecting.

But I'm not gonna fall for it.

How big a dumb-ass do you think I am?

You obviously stole that

from Karate Kid.

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