Not Another Teen Movie Page #4

breast-feeding Mitch.

It's in the past.

Think about your future.

Look how talented you are.

I have this dream ofjust

hopping on a plane and going to Paris.

There's an art school

but I can't afford it.

Unless I raise $26,000

before the admissions cutoff.

My parents give a scholarship to girls

who can't get into art school.

Really? That's amazing.

This year we gave it to Lupe,

the Mexican finger painter.

I think you'd really like her work.

Sometimes I wish my life

was a fairy tale...

...and some guy would come

and take me away.

- My eyes were shut.

- And we couldn't even--

- I'm going to go.

- Okay.

Congratulations to the men

and women nominated forprom queen.

Think you'll be prom queen?

Well, think again, Janey.

You put the "ass" in "embarrassment."

The "boo" in "taboo."

And the "suck" in "Iiposuction."

Is that the best you can do?

No.

You also put the "brat"

in "bratwurst."

And the "eew" in "jujitsu."

And the "ism" in "This is all

just a defense mechanism."

So I told her, "Take the old lady and

send your mama back."

So, you asked your four-eyed

circus freak to the prom yet?

We resent that!

Why don't you just drop it, Austin?

Jake made a few paint stains

in his pants thinking about Janey.

It's just a bet. Okay, man?

You always had a thing

for ugly girls...

...Mr. I-Have-

a- Thing-For-Ugly-Girls.

You mean Janey?

She looks as good

as a dumpster full of gristles.

Bling-bling.

Janey Briggs...

...is hot.

- Hey, Janey.

- Hey, Jake.

I've been doing a lot of thinking...

...and there's something

I want to ask you.

I don't want to make

a big deal of it...

...so I'm just gonna lay it out there,

okay?

Here it is.

See, I don't like making big speeches.

I'm a straight shooter.

I call them like I see them.

What you see is what you get.

Ain't nobody gonna break my stride.

Ain't nobody gonna slow me down.

Jake, are you trying

to ask me to the...?

Yeah.

I'd love to go with you.

Great. Great.

I'll see you in English.

It's time to play some football!

The John Hughes Wasps take on

the North Compton Wildcats.

Goddamn!

That's the fastest half

of football ever.

We saw you at our practice.

I know you stole our routine.

I don't know what you mean.

We do our own cheers. Right, girls?

That's right.

Well then, you better bring it.

Oh, it's already been broughten.

Nice comeback, Priscilla! Yeah!

We are the North Compton Wildcats

We're black, we know it

We shake ourbooty and show it

We ain't white

We ain't white

We definitely ain't white

Break it down, nigga

Damn, those b*tches represent!

- Reggie Ray.

- I smell a bet.

You all right?

Coach says it's okay

to bleed from the ears.

I got to go back out on the field.

All right. Be careful.

You only have three--

Two concussions left. Reggie Ray.

And we're back.

Let's go, Wasps!

Blue 33! Set!

That's defense right there.

Say "good day" to Reggie Ray.

Sit down. He got the wind

knocked out of him.

Come on, Reggie Ray, get up!

You still have another concussion!

Come on, dog!

It doesn't look good, coach.

- Can he play?

- He's in a coma.

Answer my question! Can he play?

He can't breathe.

Get him to a hospital.

Listen right now!

I don't care what you have to do!

He stays in the game, goddamn it!

Holy sh*t, this motherf***er's heavy.

Blue 15!

Set! Hut!

Goddamn it, Reggie Ray!

Aw, sh*t.

Wham, bam! What the f***

just happened?

Okay, Wyler, I've got no choice.

You're the only quarterback I've got.

- I say give the ball to Marty.

- I'mjust happy being on the field.

- You'll always wonder, "What if?"

- I'm a hero!

Goddamn it! Get in the game!

You're our only chance!

- You're a p*ssy, Wyler!

- Do it for Marty's torso!

You got butterflies, huh?

Who are you?

I'm the wise janitor.

I impart knowledge

and help overcome fears.

I also replace the urinal cakes.

I'm here to help you

get your throw back.

- How did you-- ?

- I've been watching.

During practice, in the hallways,

in the lockers, taking a shower...

...whipping boys with a wet towel.

- Can tell you kind of like that.

- Hey! Let's get back to the throw.

What happened to Marty

wasn't your fault.

Really?

Okay, it was.

But you got to get over it.

It could've happened to anybody.

Anybody that disobeyed the coach

and the team...

...and threw to a 90-pound kid

who shouldn't have been on the field.

Stop! How is any of this

supposed to be helping me?

Right. Forget what I said.

You got to go out there, believe

in the ball and throw yourself.

You can do it.

I'm going out there.

Only 25 seconds remaining,

and the season...

...rests in the hands of fourth-string

quarterback Jake Wyler.

Translation:
We're sh*t out ofluck.

Give me a W!

Give me a Y!

Give me a--

Lick my p*ssy ass cock sh*t!

Lick my p*ssy ass cock sh*t!

Blue 83!

I reckon I'm feeling better.

Set! Hut!

Sh*t.

That has to be the worst pass

I've ever seen, ever.

What the hell was that?

- You did great out there.

- I blew the game, Janey.

I let everyone down.

It's just a football game, Jake.

Besides...

...you didn't let me down.

Really?

Jake, you've taught me to be myself.

You never saw me as the girl

in glasses.

Don't forget the paint-covered

overalls.

Right, you never noticed those either.

You taught me a lot about myself too.

Oh, Jake. Nothing could

ever come between us now.

Jake Wyler.

Congratulations.

You blew my perfect season.

- SeorYou-Blew-My-Perfect-Season.

- What do you want, Austin?

A life.

And payback.

- Come on, don't do this.

- No, I'll hang around.

Maybe tell Janey a little

S- E-C-R-A-T-P...

What's going on?

This isn't funny!

No.

I don't believe it.

I said I'd turn you into prom queen

when I thought you were ugly...

...the girl with no friends who was

dirt poor and smelled a little funky.

Look, I made a mistake.

If I could go back, I never would've

made that stupid bet.

What bet?

I never said anything about a bet.

All I said was:

"I'm pretending to whisper...

...so Jake thinks I'm telling you a

secret, and will confess...

...revealing a secret and confirming

everything I whispered in your ear."

I wish I didn't make that bet

That's not the guy I want to be

Ifl couldjust turn back the clock

Then Janey would still be with me

Tell me, Mom, what should I do?

I love this boy

But he has been untrue

I'll do my best to make things right

I wish we could resolve this fight

It could happen

It could happen

At the prom tonight

I'm getting p*ssy no matter what

Even ifit with dirty slut

True love is what I want the most

Ijustjerked offin yourFrench toast

So what if we have the same mother

Tonight I'm going to f*** my brother

In a few hours

I'll be queen of the prom

I've been an alcoholic

Since my first tourin Nam

I asked Janey to the prom

And she doesn't know why

I'm only in the song because

I'm a black guy

I have no money

I have to make my own dress

Look at me, my breasts are perky, yes

I'm gonna win herback

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