Not the Three Stooges XXX Page #8

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Here I am, the so-called lucky one

who got adopted

and yet I never could find the one thing

that you three have always had.

You're happy with yourselves

and with each other. That's a real blessing.

So what can I do

to pay you guys back for saving my life?

Funny you should ask.

Can you give us 830,000 bucks

to save the orphanage?

No.

That guy that adopted me?

He shipped me off to military school

when I was seven.

And then he just tried to murder me

and run off with my wife.

And you expect me to just give money

to the women

who handed me over to that monster?

I'm sorry, guys, I would do anything

for those kids and you guys,

but I can't do that.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me, Mr. Harter, could you

come over here and give us a statement?

Yeah.

Right this way.

Donut remover!

When you're lost

in the rain in Juarez

And it's Easter time, too

And your gravity fails

And negativity don't pull you through

Don't put on any airs...

We sure botched this one pretty good.

What else is new?

I wonder what happened to Murph

and Peez and the rest of the gang.

I sure do miss those guys.

Why it's almost like I can still hear

the sweet childhood sounds of laughter

and swimming and tennis.

I know what you mean.

Wait a minute,

we didn't have swimming and tennis.

And we didn't have laughter.

Hey, fellas, look!

Yes!

When you got nine teammates,

you gotta pass it. You gotta pass it.

Sister Bernice?

That's it!

I told you one at a time on that board.

You all just lost your diving privileges

for the rest of the day!

The party's over, you little water weasels!

What's going on here?

Oh, crud!

Come on.

- Hiya, Sister.

- Hello, morons.

Hey! Moe, Larry, Curly!

Hey, guys.

- Hey, what's going on?

- How are you guys? Hey!

Oh, boy, did we miss you, guys!

- Welcome home, guys.

- You look great, Murph.

That's because she's not sick anymore.

It turns out

I just had some form of metal poisoning.

Nobody listens to me.

I told you

there's too much iron in the water.

Boys! Where have you been?

We've been looking for you everywhere.

Well, I guess we just didn't have the nerve

to come back and tell you

we failed.

You didn't fail! Look at our new home!

New home? Who paid for all this?

You did!

Huh?

The kid's right.

The money's coming out of your pocket.

Sorry, slick,

but we don't have that kind of dough.

Oh, you will.

See, the network has taken the liberty

of paying off the orphanage's debts

and building the new complex.

Think of it as an advance.

All's you gotta do is sign right here, boys.

And you three will be the stars

of our next big reality show,

Nuns Versus Nitwits. What do you say?

Oh, gee!

I always wanted to be a nun.

Oh! And by the way, the Jersey Shore kids

pitched in for the down payment.

Hey, everybody.

- Oh! Hey, Teddy.

- Hi, Teddy.

Gather round, everyone.

I have an announcement to make.

Teddy and his fiance, Ling,

have just discovered that

our Lord and Savior has left her barren.

So they have decided to adopt.

Hoy! Hoy! Hoy! Hoy! Hoy!

Spread out!

Pick me. I promise I'll go

this time without any fuss.

Oh! I'm sorry, boys, but they've

already decided who they're adopting.

So, how about it, Murph?

Will you be a part of our family?

Are you serious, dude? Me?

And you're not even getting paid?

Oh! Um...

Sorry, mister,

your offer is very nice and all,

but I think you better pick someone else.

It's okay, Murph,

you should go.

This is your big break.

Not a chance, kid. Not without you.

Well, I guess we'll just

have to take all three of you.

What three?

I was just talking about me and Peez.

Well, yeah, of course,

but there's also the kid that we just sprang

from the foster home across town.

Peezer.

Weezer!

Pack your bags,

you three. It's time to go home.

Three cheers for the boys.

- Hip, hip, hooray!

Oh, please!

- Hip, hip, hooray!

Hooray!

- Hip, hip hooray!

Hooray!

Gee, it sure feels good

to not louse things up for once.

Oh, you said it.

Oh!

I'm gonna mash your heads like potatoes.

Hey, fellas, wait! Wait up!

Whoa! Whoa!

How do you steer this thing? Oh, boy!

- Hello, everyone, I'm Bob Farrelly.

- And I'm Pete Farrelly.

And we're the guys that made the movie

you just watched.

We want you to know that all the stunts

that were performed in our film,

they were done by professionals.

And all the tools,

are not real. They're rubber.

Watch this.

Now, let's watch that with sound effects.

Pretty cool.

Remember that sledgehammer scene?

That, too, made out of rubber.

Fake, isn't that right, Bobby?

That's right, Pete.

See. He didn't get hurt.

Remember the eye poke?

Now let's look at that again in slow motion.

Kids, do not poke anyone in the eye.

It's very dangerous.

The point is,

this movie is all about fun and games.

So please play safe at home.

Thank you.

I'll hold your hand

when you are feeling mad at me

Yeah, when the monsters

they won't go away

The windows are closed

I'll pretend to see what you see

"How long?"I say, "How long will you

relive the things that are gone?"

Oh, yeah, the devil's on your back

But I know you can shake him off

And every day that you want to waste

That you want to waste, you can

And every day that you want to wake up

You want to wake, you can

And every day that you want to change

That you want to change, yeah

I'll help you see it through

'cause I just really want to be with you

And every day that you want to waste

That you want to waste, you can

And every day that you want to wake up

You want to wake, you can

And every day that you want to change

That you want to change, yeah

I'll help you see it through

'cause I just really want to be with you

Hey, is everybody ready?

Three stooges

Trying to make a dollar in America

Three stooges

Trying to get a laugh before they bury 'em

Everybody's serious

Everybody's angry

Everybody's furious grubbing for money

Everybody's mad

Everybody's fussy

Everybody's screaming

and pushing over nothing

Three stooges

Trying to make a dollar in America

Three stooges

Trying to get a laugh before they bury 'em

Everybody's violent

Everybody's mean

Baby's in the bubble

Oh, no, he's causing trouble

Ugly-hardy-har-har

Hody-hody-ho

Now, don't you block, baby

Three stooges

Trying to make a dollar in America

Three stooges

Trying to make them laugh

before they bury 'em

Three stooges

Three stooges

Three stooges

Three stooges

It's a shame

the way you mess around with your man

It's a shame the way you hurt me

It's a shame

the way you mess around with your man

You're like a child at play

On a sunny day

But you play with love

and then you throw it away

Why do you use me?

Try to confuse me

How can you stand to be so cruel?

Why don't you free me from this prison

Where I serve my time as your fool

Why do you use me

Try to confuse me

How can you stand to be so cruel?

Why don't you free me from this prison

Where I serve my time as your fool

- It's a shame

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