Notes from Underground Page #4

we passed It wonderfully last night.

a celebration with companions of studies

in a deprived dining room of the Coffee of Paris.

Yes? What good.

Thanks.

Is a pleasure.

I must say that the tone did not worry to me about Anthony.

Although would not have cost anything to be courteous the subject yet to him.

I wrote one notices immediately for Simon who accompanied the heel.

With tact,

elegance

and, mainly, brevity. It blamed to me

of everything what it had happened.

today I even feel enchanted with the slight, accidental tone,

that I was able to transmit.

said to Him to Simon who did not feel to me violent by the happened thing.

blame to the wine of my behavior.

perhaps and everything happened through the wine that I drank.

No, was not the wine.

No, I lay to him to Simon.

I lied blatantly.

But then did not feel to me ashamed.

it seemed the appropriate thing given the situation.

- Hay some problem? - No, no problem.

- Then, so that it does not take care of to him? - I am taking care of to Him.

Are taken care of you?

APPROVED:

Following!

had been able to excuse and to pay my debt to me.

My letter solved everything.

But still worried Liza to me.

troubled to Me that it could appear.

What happens?

he/she would see that pigpen lived in one.

Can that was not only that.

Was something worse, something dirtier

The lies!

Would lie to Him again! he/she knew that it would do it!

perhaps I lay to him.

But also I said some truths to him.

That she had been believed.

Its weeping was well,

and could have a positive effect in her.

No, you are not

you are not insensible

No, you are not it.

you are not cruel, you are not cruel.

disturbed all the night Again to me.

Nevertheless, to the following morning,

I rejected everything like a sinsentido product of my nerves,

a exaggeration.

But knew that Liza would come anyway,

if not that day, to the following one.

Another recurrent idea was the one to go to see it, to excuse to me,

and to request to him that it did not come.

But that irritated to me!

So that it had to request excuses to him?

Who thinks that it is?

Who was believed she who was?

the time

was stopped

stopped

immovable

very

immovable

Very,

very

immovable.

did not appear and I began to calm.

felt trusted to Me at night specially.

By day, even dreamed wide-awake that came to me

and that spoke with her, opened its mind, taught it.

and finally discovered that loved to me,

but pretended not to give account me.

I do not know so that it pretended such thing.

I suppose that to make it more interesting.

Soon we began to live together.

we married.

Finally learned to love the nature.

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

it continued advanced with that fantasy until it caused nauseas to me.

everything was so absurd.

thought, a little while: prostitute is one, will not let it march.

Next was sure that it would come.

hated It, but it wanted more that it came, than nothing in the world.

Turn off that syphilitic music, damn defective!

Turn it off!

Already is well!

Already is well!

- Yes? - I want that you lower music.

Go to sh*t .

So that you are not going away to sh*t? I cannot nor think!

- You are a man or a f***ing mouse? - call to the police!

you want that it calls to the police?

What happens?

You are well, uncle?

I feel It.

- Passes something to You? - I will not return to call.

you want to happen?

sit, please.

You would have to take off the shelter.

we go away. Good bye.

you find Me in an uncomfortable situation.

you do not imagine anything.

does not shame to me to be without money.

I:

In fact, I am proud of it. I mean that I am poor, but

What happens?

Liza.

You despise to Me?

I:

he/she wanted to leave there.

to leave

that place

where we knew ourselves.

the heart burned to me with mercy,

but something repugnant within me

drowned the compassion,

even caused greater wrath to me.

did not worry to me what it happened.

I feel It.

So that you have come? You can respond me to that?

So that you are here?

answer me !

answer me

I will say to You so that you have come.

Because I said a pile to you of nonsense,

you feel sentimental and you want to hear them again.

Could to tell you that I laughed myself of you then

like I laugh to me now of you. I did it

because they finished insulting to me.

had humiliated to Me during the supper

and I went to the despicable House of the Blue Lamps

because it wanted to give a lesson goat that it insulted to me.

But was

f*** with another one prostitute, so I was myself with you.

and you thought that she was there for save you. Is not thus?

Is that what you believed?

save you?

save you of what?

I am worse than you!

Why did not you say to me that it was sh*t when I give a lecture?

Why did not you ask to me if I had been going to preach or to f***?

To be able!

That is what I want!

I only look for to be able!

look for your tears,

your humiliation, your hysteria.

I was not able to obtain it because I am weak, scoundrel.

and because it was scared.

I do not know so that I gave my direction you.

When arriving at house already was cursing to you for that reason,

and I hate to you by the lies that I said to you.

There are been prostrate three days whole here,

terrified before the idea that you appeared.

and, you know a thing?

you know what is what it worried to me more?

That you thought that it was some class of hero

and you came and you found me thus.

And never I will pardon to you that you have heard my confession!

I hate to You to be here,

to listen to me.

You do not have right to hear what I am saying to you!

What you want? What plus you want?

So that you follow here? So that you do not march to you?

get out!

get out!

I cannot be good.

You are well?

You want to drink something?

No, thanks.

You are well?

I do not believe that it has nothing, except water.

Is well. I do not need anything.

Is midnight. I must work tomorrow.

you want that it goes to me?

No

Really?

You are safe?

- I do not want to abuse. - I have said that no.

I do not want that you return to that site.

Thanks.

Where you work?

In the City council, the Department of Urbanism.

In serious?

Is a work that demands much.

Surely.

Does not matter to you that it spends the night here?

Already you I have said it.

Yes.

You must be very tired.

Yes.

All yours.

a woman in my apartment.

Who would have thought it?

Somebody wished to pass the night with me.

Soon I thought:
prostitute is only one.

Although did not come by sex, but by another thing

like somebody needed.

it meant that that had stopped being one prostitute ?

You are not tired?

Always I read before sleeping.

Good morning!

You have slept in the ground?

I am not customary to sleep with anybody.

I feel much.

I feel fatal. I could have slept in I am accustomed to.

does not pass anything.

Then,

I close the door when it goes to me?

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