Nothing Page #4

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And that's what happened

when the world disappeared.

I was thinking about how much

I hated it, and then it was gone.

Oh God.

It's my fault!

I don't know how, but I did this.

I did this.

Oh God, I'm so sorry!

Oh, I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry!

- Whoa! Whoa!

Just hold on, Mr. Big Shot.

You're not the only one

who was thinking

how much he hated the world

just before it disappeared.

- You were thinking

the same thing?

- Exactly the same thing.

- Were you thinking about

the clock that way too?

- Well, no. But so what?

I can make something disappear

if I want to.

- Do it!

- Fine, I will.

There!

Bills.

Hah!

- You did it!

You made the bills disappear!

- I know what you're saying.

The clock was a bigger object,

but the bills were the only thing

I really hated...

- No! No! It's great!

It's both of us.

You and me. We did this!

We made the world disappear.

- You're right.

We are gods!

- Too bad we're still gonna die.

- Screw that!

We're gods!

We can do whatever we want!

We can make thing disappear,

I'm sure we can bring things back.

- Like food?

- Yeah, why not?

- Yeah!

- Yeah, OK!

One, two, three.

[Grunting]

- Arrrgh!

Oh!

Maybe it's in the kitchen.

Sh*t!

- It would've been so perfect.

- I'm not hungry anymore.

- Oh my God... neither am I.

- You think maybe we...

- Hated away our hunger?

- We did.

We did.

We hated away the hunger.

- Maybe we are gods.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

- Yeah!

[In Japanese]

[Both]:
Ah!

[Laughing]

- Why us?

Why did this happen to us?

[Organ note]

I'm sure there are a lot of other people

that hated the world too.

[Video-game noise]

Why did we get this...

- Power?

- Yeah.

- I don't know.

I don't know

how a light bulb works.

- And where did it all go?

- Away.

- But away to where?

- I don't know.

Where the socks go?

- Or maybe we're on pause.

- What?

- Like a video game.

You hit the pause button,

and everything

just stays in that one place

and to the characters

that one moment

becomes their whole world,

because it's the only thing

that exists to them.

Do you think the characters

ever know they're on pause?

- They don't know anything.

They do

what they're programmed to do.

- Yeah, but if they were real,

you think they'd want

to be on pause like that forever?

- I'm trying to play a game here.

- Sorry.

- You know what your problem is?

Your problem

is you think too much.

It's always been that way.

Even when we were kids,

you were always thinking.

About what? We're kids!

All we had to do was worry

about having fun. Not you.

Like that class trip we took

to the Science Centre.

We looked at our skin through

those super-strong microscopes.

Saw all those tiny, freaky,

monster bugs crawling around.

And you start obsessing

that maybe we were tiny,

freaky monster bugs

crawling around

on someone else's skin.

And they were looking at us

through the microscope.

And the people watching us

were tiny, freaky monster bugs

to the people

who were watching them.

And the people watching them

were tiny, freaky monster bugs

crawling around

on someone else's skin

and they were watching them.

And the people watching them

were tiny, freaky monster bugs

crawling around

on someone else's skin

and they were watching them

through a microscope.

So while everyone else

was making their hair stand up

in the air and having fun

by touching the big silver ball,

you were totally freaking out.

Remember?

Are you listening

to a word I'm saying?

Or are you too busy thinking?

Andrew?

- Ah!

Ugh!

- Andrew?

What's going on?

[Coughs]

What the hell are you doing?

- I don't know.

I just don't know.

[Coughs]

- Jesus Christ, buddy,

this is paradise!

- I know, I know.

And it's still not enough.

It should be, but it isn't.

- The last thing I need

is to be walking around

having a great time

and have to worry

about you killing yourself!

Or what if you start hating

things away? Things I like?

You'd ruin everything.

You'd undo everything that we...

- Undid?

- Yes, exactly!

- I'm sorry. I really am.

- We have to fix this.

You need professional help.

[Sighs]

- This isn't working.

- And why do you think that is?

- I don't know.

Maybe because

you're not a psychiatrist?

- Hmm. And how does

that make you feel?

- It makes me feel like

I'm talking to someone

who's not a psychiatrist.

- Hmm. Why do you

think you feel that way?

- Because you're not a psychiatrist!

- I took psychology!

- One class

in community college!

- Wait.

Maybe I need to open up to you.

- What?

- Something's going on

in that brain of yours

and it's driving you crazy.

And we're never gonna

find out what it is

unless you start sharing.

So, maybe I need

to open up to you

for you to feel

more comfortable with me.

OK.

You know how I'm always telling you

about me and Katie McFarland

under the bleachers?

- Yeah.

- Well, it didn't happen

exactly like I've been saying.

I never told anybody this,

but what actually

happened that day

is the worst experience

of my life.

- I know.

- No, you don't know.

Even thinking about it now

is so horrible.

I just hate it.

- Dave, I know what happened.

- Huh?

- Everyone knew!

I never wanted to say anything

because I didn't want

to make it worse for you, but...

- What are you talking about?

- Come on!

A dog gave you a blow job.

Did you really think

you could keep that a secret?

- A dog gave me a blow job?

What are you talking about?

- You and Katie McFarland,

under the bleachers.

Katie passed you a note in class

to meet her under the bleachers.

She got you to...

close your eyes and...

drop your pants.

And you thought

she was giving you a blow job.

But then you heard laughing

and when you opened your eyes,

the entire football team

was watching.

And it wasn't Katie down there,

it was the school mascot,

Lancelot.

- The Great Dane?

- Yeah.

- Was giving me a blow job?

- Yes!

- Have you lost your mind?

I think I'd remember

if Lancelot gave me a blow job!

- Oh my God!

You made it disappear!

- What?

- The memory of Lancelot

giving you a blow job!

- Read my lips!

No dog ever gave me a blow job!

- Yes! Lancelot did!

But you can't remember,

because you made it disappear!

- I did?

- Yeah!

You hated away a memory,

just like we hated away

everything else.

- Wow.

- Maybe that's what I need to do.

- What? What do you got?

- Uh...

nothing.

- Come on.

- It's embarrassing.

- It can't be more embarrassing

than a dog giving me a blow job.

Can it?

- OK. Maybe you're right.

I guess there are a few things.

[Man]:
Be a good boy

for your babysitter.

- Grrr...

- Dry your hair before you go

outside and play, dear.

[Cooking sound]

Good boy!

- That's it!

Very nice!

- You want to look nice

for your birthday party, don't you?

[Children laughing]

- What a lovely boy!

Aren't you clever?

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

[Insects]

- Jesus!

Christ, man, I had no idea!

- Yeah.

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