Nothing But Trouble Page #2

SO LET'S GO

AND SEE THEM.

NO, I DON'T WAN TO GET LOST.

YOU WON'T GET LOST.

LOOK AT ALL THA FANCY EQUIPMENT YOU'VE GOT.

TAKE THAT NEXT ROAD.

LET'S SEE IF YOU

CAN USE ALL THAT SH*T.

I THINK WE SHOULD

JUST KEEP GOING.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL.

WE MADE A NICE LITTLE

SURPRISE PICNIC FOR YOU,

YOU INVITED US:

ON A DRIVE,

AND YOU AREN'T DRIVING

US WHERE WE WANT.

DUDE, YOU COULD

BE A BETTER HOST.

OK, LISTEN.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

IF IT WON'T TAKE TOO LONG,

ROAD 329, PARALLEL TO THE PIKE.

IT CROSSES THE DELAWARE

AND THEN:

IT CROSSES BACK HERE.

THERE SHOULD BE:

BEAUTIFUL RIVER SCENERY,

AND IT WON'T TAKE US

TOO FAR OUT OF OUR WAY, OK?

IT'S YOUR DIME, LADY.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

OH, THIS

IS WONDERFUL.

Fausto:
I HAVE 2 BIG MANGOES!

DO YOU LIKE MANGOES?

Renalda:
OH, YES!

HE HAS MANGOES, CHEESE.

OH, THIS IS GOING

TO BE WONDERFUL!

FAUSTO, I DON' WANT TO STOP HERE.

KEEP GOING.

PULL OVER TO A VISTA.

Renalda:

OH, LOOK! A VILLAGE.

MORNING.

SELL PORK BELLIES,

BUY GOLD.

OH, JESUS!

OH, CHRIS, LOOK OUT!

WHAT IS THAT,

A VENT PIPE?

Fausto:
WHAT DO YOU WAN TO DO, GET OUT AND KISS IT?

Renalda:
IT SMELLS.

IT STINKS. GO, GO.

NICE TOWN, HUH?

Chris:
EVEL KNIEVEL

AND MR. CLEAN.

Renalda:

OH, THIS IS BETTER.

PULL OVER.

I LIKE IT HERE.

I'M HUNGRY.

LET'S EAT RIGHT NOW.

LET'S OPEN THE WHOLE

THING UP NOW.

I DON'T SEE BUTTER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DIDN'T FORGE THE BUTTER.

ANTONIO THE BUTLER

FORGOT THE BUTTER,

NOT ME.

CHRIS, DO YOU

WANT A DRINK?

NO.

DIANA, SMILE!

THIS IS:

A NICE ROAD.

OH, YEAH.

CHRIS, CHRIS, SMILE.

I GOT YOU IN THE MIRROR.

SMILE!

OH, NO. A COP.

WERE YOU SPEEDING?

65. THAT'S THE NATIONAL

SPEED LIMIT.

WELL, NOT EVERYWHERE.

IT SAID 50 BACK THERE.

50?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO STOP.

WHAT? RIGHT.

LET'S

GET OUT THE GUNS

AND BLOW OU HIS FRONT TIRES.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

OF COURSE:

I'M GOING TO STOP.

[SIREN]

WHAT ARE YOU:

TALKING ABOUT, DUDE?

THIS IS:

A PROVINCIAL COP, MAN.

WITH THIS CAR, YOU COULD

EASILY GET AWAY FROM HIM.

LET'S SEE

IF WE COULD DO 90.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THIS BABY WILL DO 130.

SO LET'S DO IT!

GOOD. GO, CHRIS.

THORNE,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, GO.

GO, MAN.

YOU WIMP CHICKEN,

LET'S GO!

HIT IT! PUSH IT!

THIS IS A LITTLE

GODDAMN HAMLET.

CHRIS, GO!

HERE WE GO.

PUSH IT!

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

I DON'T KNOW.

GO, CHRIS.

COME ON, CHRIS, GO.

DON'T BE SCARED.

PUSH IT!

WE'RE WINNING!

YOU HAVE A BMW.

ACT LIKE IT.

FASTER!

NOW I THINK YOU MAY

BE BREAKING THE LAW.

FORGET THE LAW!

OH, BUT IT IS SMOOTH,

ISN'T IT?

JEEZ. HE'S GO A FAST CAR, TOO.

OH, SH...

CHRIS, CHRIS, MOVE IT.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKES,

MOVE IT, CHRIS.

UH, MAYBE WE BETTER STOP.

NO.

NO, I THINK

I CAN LOSE HIM.

Cop:
PULL YOUR VEHICLE

OVER NOW, PLEASE.

PULL OVER NOW.

WHAT THE HELL:

IS THAT?

DETOUR!

CHRIS, WATCH OUT!

HERE WE GO!

WHOA!

HE STILL WITH US?

UH-OH.

WHERE THE HELL:

ARE WE?

GO TO THE LEFT!

[HONK HONK]

OH, SH*T!

BE CAREFUL:

ON THIS SIDE!

I'LL DO THE DRIVING,

ALL RIGHT?

JUST GET OVER!

JUST GET TO THE RIGHT!

BLAH BLAH:

GABBY GAB GAB.

WILL YOU BE QUIET,

FAUSTO?

JUST LET ME DRIVE.

[HONK]

SIR, THIS IS

A HEAVILY TRAVELED

INDUSTRIAL ARTERY.

THESE TRUCKS:

OWN THIS ROAD.

OH, MAN. I JUST WAN TO GET TO ATLANTIC CITY.

SIR...

THESE SPEEDS ARE NO ADVISABLE THROUGH HERE.

TIENES DOLARES?

OH, NO!

EVERYBODY RELAX.

ALL THEY CAN DO IS CITE ME

AND HAND ME A BUNCH OF TICKETS.

I'LL PAY THEM, AND

WE'LL BE ON OUR WAY

BACK:

TO THE TURNPIKE.

OH, I SEE.

IT'S ALL

MY FAULT NOW.

FOLKS,

MEET ANDY GRIFFITH.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

DRIVER, STEP OUTSIDE

THE CAR, PLEASE.

WAS I SPEEDING?

I'M SORRY.

I WASN'T SURE YOU

WERE A REAL COP,

AND PLEASE,

I MEAN THAT IN A

COMPLIMENTARY SENSE.

THAT'S OK.

THERE'S NO LAW

AGAINST HAVING:

A SENSE OF HUMOR.

NOW TURN AROUND,

PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE ROOF

OF THE CAR, PLEASE, SIR.

THERE YOU GO, SIR.

SPREAD 'EM.

OH, COME ON, NOW.

"SPREAD 'EM"?

OW!

YEAH, THAT'S NICE.

THE LOWER BACK,

PLEASE.

CHECK THE PROSTATE.

THAT'S NICE.

OH! ALL RIGHT,

THANK YOU.

I GOT AN ITCH:

RIGHT UP IN THERE.

THAT'S GOOD.

THANK YOU.

NOT TODAY, SIR.

TURN AROUND.

MAY I SEE YOUR LICENSE,

REGISTRATION,

AND INSURANCE, PLEASE?

WHAT'S THE CHARGE?

YOU WERE SPEEDING,

BUT THAT'S NOT WHY

I BEGAN TO FOLLOW YOU.

BACK THERE IN THE VILLAGE,

YOU FAILED TO MAKE A FULL STOP

AT THE INTERSECTION.

OH, REALLY?

OH, I DIDN' EVEN NOTICE.

WELL, THAT'S THE INITIAL

REASON WHY I FOLLOWED YOU

AND WHY YOU'RE

UNDER ARREST NOW.

THE SPEEDING:

AND RECKLESS EVASION

WILL BE OVERLOOKED

IF YOU COOPERATE NOW

AND QUIETLY GET IN YOUR CAR

AND FOLLOW ME.

CLEAR?

SIR, WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS MAY BE...

VALKENVANIA,

BUT IT IS:

STILL AMERICA,

AND WE HAVE:

AN APPOINTMEN IN ATLANTIC CITY,

SO WE'D JUST LIKE

TO GET GOING.

WILL YOU JUS WRITE A TICKET HERE,

OR WE:

COULD SETTLE I SOME OTHER WAY,

PERHAPS?

STEP BACK, PLEASE.

I UNDERSTAND, SIR,

BUT THAT'S NOT THE WAY

THINGS WORK AROUND HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO

FOLLOW ME A WAYS TO THE REEVE,

THEN IT'S UP TO HIM

HOW WE PROCEED.

REEVE?

THE LOCAL JUSTICE

OF THE PEACE.

NOW, I'M PLANNING NOT TO

MENTION THE SPEEDING TO HIM,

SO I SUGGEST YOU COME

QUIETLY AND IMMEDIATELY,

UNLESS YOU WAN MORE TROUBLE

THAN YOU'RE

ALREADY GARGLING.

WHAT'S THAT BEEPING?

IT MEANS WE'RE OFF THE MAP

ON THIS CARTRIDGE.

WHAT TIME DOES SUNTZ

START THE HYPE?

6:
00. IT'S 3:30 NOW.

WE CAN STILL MAKE IT IF YOU

JUST LET ME DO THE TALKING.

LOOK AT THIS:

METAL SCULPTURE.

THEY MUST BE:

INTO FOLK ART.

FOLK 'EM.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

WHAT IS THAT, MUSIC?

THEY'RE

PIPING IN MUSIC.

"ENJOY YOUR STAY."

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

MY GOD.

SO THAT'S WHERE

THEY BURIED FLIPPER.

Renalda and Fausto:

FLIPPER'S DEAD?

"VILLAGE J.P."

"SHIRE REEVE."

IT'S LIKE ROBIN HOOD--

"BE POLITE."

HMM.

OH...

AND NO CUSSING.

SH*T.

WOW.

LOOK AT ALL:

THESE TOASTERS.

Fausto:
THERE IS A NEGATIVITY

ABOUT THIS PLACE.

"VALKENHEISER SALVAGE.

TRESPASSERS:

WILL BE SHOT."

OH, COME ON.

Fausto:
THERE'S

A FUNKY KARMA HERE, MAN.

Diane:
IS THIS A JOKE?

Renalda:

IY, IY, IY, I HOPE SO,

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK

I LIKE IT HERE AT ALL.

Chris:
WHERE

THE HELL ARE WE?

LISTEN, DO WE HAVE

TO GET OUT HERE?

"VALKENVANIA COURTS

AND SCHOOLS, 1898."

Fausto:
VALKENVANIA.

HI.

FILE IN.

REASSEMBLE.

LUCY, I'M HOME!

OH, YEAH.

IT'S OLD, IT'S OLD.

RIGHT THIS WAY,

FOLKS.

WAIT. I'M ENTITLED

TO ONE PHONE CALL.

SURELY. AND YOU'RE

MORE THAN WELCOME TO MAKE ONE

IF WE HAD A PHONE.

THERE'S ONE

IN MY CAR.

YOUR CAR'S

BEEN IMPOUNDED.

IMPOUNDED? ALREADY?

STEP UP:

TO THE RAILING.

PLEASE.

MAY I HAVE YOUR IDs,

EVERYONE, PLEASE?

I ALREADY HAVE:

YOURS, MR. THORNE.

THANK YOU,

THANK YOU.

THESE TRIALS:

USUALLY LAS ONLY A COUPLE

OF MINUTES.

REVOLVING DISTRICT COUR FOR THE VILLAGE AND SHIRE

OF VALKENVANIA:

IS NOW IN ORDER!

THE HONORABLE REEVE

ALVIN VALKENHEISER PRESIDES.

[MARCH PLAYS]

[GRUNTING]

OK, DENNIS, GIVE ME

THEIR LICENSES, ID,

TOLL TICKETS, REPORT CARDS,

NOTES FROM THE TEACHER.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes