Nothing But Trouble Page #3

HERE YOU GO, JUDGE.

TRAFFIC VIOLATION.

CONTRAVENTION:

OF VILLAGE BYLAW 23--

FAILING IN THE EXECUTION

OF A FULL STOP:

AT A PLACE SO MARKED.

I RECOMMEND FINE,

BOND, AND RELEASE.

WHAT ELSE YOU WANT TO DO

FOR 'EM, BAKE 'EM A PIE?

ALL RIGHT HERE...

WHO'S CHRISTOPHER

LAWRENCE THORNE?

THAT'S ME, YOUR HONOR.

THORNE:

FINANCIAL PUBLISHING,

WATER STREET, NEW YORK.

OK.

BANKER?

NO, NO, NO.

BANKER, NO.

FINANCIAL PUBLISHING.

THORNE'S WEEKLY?

OK. BANKER.

OH, HERE.

WELL, LOOK AT THIS.

PASSPORTS.

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW

THAT MY BROTHER FAUSTO

AND I:

ENJOY DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY

IN THIS COUNTRY.

OK, WELL, UH...

AND YOU ARE:

THE FAUSTO AND RENALDA...

SQUI-RI-NI...

SQUIRINIZ...

SIZ--SIZ--SIZWI.

SIZWI?

FRIENDS OF THE BRIDE.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WE ALL WAN TO GET MARRIED.

NO, SIR. NO WEDDING.

MOVING VIOLATION--

FAILURE TO STOP.

LET'S JUST BE QUIE AND LET HIM DO

HIS LITTLE THING,

AND WE'LL BE

ON OUR WAY.

OH, I WILL LET YOU

BE ON YOUR WAY,

WHEN THE CAT'S EYES

WILL SPIN!

NOW, LISTEN!

OK.

WE'LL LISTEN.

HEY, HEY, HO, HO!

HA HA HA!

HULA, HULA, HULA,

THE BOOLA, BOOLA, BOOLA!

LOOK WHO'S GO THE FRONT SEATS

AT THE MEXICAN:

HAT DANCE NOW.

JUST LIKE A BUNCH OF SPIDERS

IN A BIRTHDAY CAKE.

YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED

TO KNOW:

THAT YOU ARE NO UNDER THE JURISDICTION

OF JUST ANY OLD:

FISHING LICENSE DISPENSER

AND STAMP-PAD JOCKEY!

WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN SE TO DEAL WITH THE OFFENDERS

ONCE AND FOR ALL

AT THEIR FIRST APPEARANCE,

QUICK AS SUMP GREASE

THROUGH A 10-YEAR-OLD GOOSE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M GLAD TO KNOW

THINGS ARE RUNNING

SMOOTHLY FOR YOU.

PUT OUT THAT DOG ROCKET!

SIR, SORRY.

IN 1796, MY FOREFATHERS

ESTABLISHED THIS SEA AFTER THE TENETS

OF THE OLD SHIRE CHARTER.

SHIRE CHARTER?

EXCUSE ME, SIR,

THAT'S PRE-MAGNA CARTA.

I MEAN, SERFDOM

AND FIEFDOM STUFF.

VERY GOOD, YOUNG LADY.

YOU AND I OUGHT TO SPEND

A LITTLE MORE TIME TOGETHER.

WELL, I-I'D LIKE THAT.

WOULD YOU? WELL, THEN,

MORE ON HOW:

THEY PACKED ME OFF

TO FARMERS'

MECHANICS' UNIVERSITY

IN GRACEFIELD, OHIO,

FOR MY ENGINEERING DEGREE...

AND HOW I FOUGHT THE GERMANS

IN WORLD WAR I LATER,

BUT FOR NOW--

LATER? WAIT! WHOA!

NO LATER.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT IS THIS SH*T?

SIR, NO CUSSING IN COURT!

WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR

THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE.

WE JUST WANT TO PAY

AND GET THE HELL OUT!

I'M SORRY, JUDGE.

WELL, LOOK AT HIM.

HE'S GOING ON AND ON!

THIS COURT HEREWITH

BINDS YOU OVER:

FOR A FURTHER APPEARANCE

TO BE HELD AT 4:
00

TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

WE SO DEEM FOR THE PUBLIC

AND COMMON GOOD:

THAT YOU BE CONFINED

HEREIN, SO FOR NOW...

[ALL PROTESTING]

GOOD NIGHT, IRENE!

AAH!

AAH!

AY!

SH*T!

WHAT'S THE POIN IN THAT?

THEY'RE CLEAN.

NO DRUGS,

NO GUNS, NOTHING.

JUST ANOTHER BATCH

OF HOT-PISTOL,

LILY-WHITE

CITY CHICKENS:

TO RUN THROUGH GRANDPA ALVIN'S

TRICK HOUSE.

WHEN I'M GONE,

YOU'LL BE REEVE.

YOU CAN RUN THINGS

ANY WAY YOU WANT.

TILL THEN,

JUST DO YOUR JOB.

SO HELP ME, I'LL CUT YOU

OUT OF THE WILL.

YOU WON'T GET SO MUCH

AS FLOSSIE THE NAG.

I ALWAYS DO MY JOB,

AND YOU KNOW IT.

AND I DON'T MIND

LETTING YOU KNOW

MY DUTIES END RIGH HERE AT THIS BENCH.

OH, FINE.

GO SUCK A BUG.

ARE YOU OK?

Renalda:
WHAT ARE WE

GOING TO DO?

OH, FAUSTO.

WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

HOW COULD YOU BE

SO INSENSITIVE?

WHAT ARE YOU:

TALKING ABOUT?

YOU BETTER DO:

SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

YOU'RE PULLING

ON MY COAT. NOW, COOL IT!

I HAD US OUT OF HERE!

THEN YOU HAD TO GO

AND OPEN YOUR BIG MOUTH.

YOU HAD US OUT OF HERE?

WE WOULD'VE BEEN HERE

ANOTHER 2 HOURS

LISTENING TO THE HISTORY

OF THE VALKENBURGER FARM,

OR WHEREVER THE HELL WE ARE!

I KNEW I COULDN' DEPEND ON YOU.

LISTEN, I DON'T NEED THIS!

I WAS JUST TRYING TO DRIVE US

TO ATLANTIC CITY FOR YOU!

OH, IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH!

YOU'RE NO LONGER

OUR FINANCIAL ADVISOR!

YOU'RE FIRED!

SHUT UP!

SHUT UP!

MIAMI, BABY,

HERE WE COME.

HERE, TAKE THIS.

HAVE THEY GOT A JACUZZI

IN THIS PLACE, HUH?

%% GET DOWN %%

%% TO THE PAVEMENT %%

%% GET DOWN %%

%% FUNKY AND MYSTERIOUS %%

%% SOME PEOPLE LIVE

IN LITTLE GROOVES %%

[SIREN]

WE GOT COMPANY.

WANT THIS?

NOT NOW.

OH, SH*T.

SH*T! PASS IT BACK.

GET RID OF THIS.

GIVE ME THAT.

HERE, TAKE THAT.

ARTY, DON'T GIVE

YOUR REAL LICENSE AGAIN.

DON'T WORRY.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

WHERE'S THE POT?

WOULD YOU SHUT UP?

PASS IT TO ME.

NO! IT'S UNDER

THE SEAT. SHUT UP.

[GIGGLING]

SHUT UP.

MY GOD.

GOOD EVENING.

DRIVER, STEP OU OF THE CAR, PLEASE.

GOOD EVENING, OFFICER.

[LAUGHING]

CHIEF.

DRIVER'S LICENSE,

REGISTRATION,

INSURANCE AND FITNESS

CERTIFICATE, PLEASE.

OK, ARTHUR...

HAVE YOU BEEN:

DRINKING TONIGHT, SON?

I HAD A COUPLE.

SO WHAT? I'M FINE.

I'M AFRAID

YOU'LL HAVE TO BLOW.

BLOW YOU TO GE OUT OF A TICKET?

FORGET IT.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

I MEANT YOU'LL HAVE TO

USE A BREATHALYZER.

I'LL BLOW HIM.

MAYBE LATER...

NEXT CENTURY.

LET'S GO, SON.

OH, COME ON, OFFICER.

[BEEPING]

[BUZZ]

YOU BLEW DOUBLE DRUNK

WITHIN VILLAGE LIMITS.

YOU'RE GOING WITH ME.

SURE. WHATEVER

YOU SAY, OFFICER.

SAY GOOD NIGHT,

COPPER.

PLEASE, PLEASE, NO.

DON'T KILL ME.

CHIEFY, PAL,

I WAS ONLY KIDDING.

[MARCH PLAYS]

OK.

MY GOD!

WILL YOU LOOK:

AT HIS FACE?

IS THAT NOSE:

RUBBER?

HEY, I DON'T WANT YOU.

I WANT JUDGE WAPNER.

I HAVE TO PLEAD:

THE FIFTH DIMENSION.

OK. OK.

WELL, LET'S SEE HERE.

WE GOT YOUR CRACK

AND ICE COCAINE HERE.

YOU GOT YOUR PILLS,

YOUR VIALS OF COKE,

SNORTERS, PIPES,

AND GRINDERS.

YOU GOT YOUR GUN HERE.

YOU GO YOUR SWITCHBLADE KNIVES.

SINCE YOU'RE ALL HAVING

A WHIRL OF A TIME

ON SOME SOME KIND

OF A HOPPED-UP DATE,

I BELIEVE WE CAN GET THIS

OVER RELATIVELY SIMPLY

AND HAVE YOU PEOPLE

ON YOUR WAY,

SO STEP FORWARD:

TO THE BENCH, PLEASE.

HEY, SEE THAT?

THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING,

JUDGE.

YOU KNOW:

WHAT I'M SAYING?

YOU TAKE CARE OF THIS.

I'M GONNA GO OU FOR A SMOKE.

GO FOR A SMOKE?

DENNIS, THEY'VE

GOT GUNS, DRUGS.

ONE OF THEM:

TRIED TO KILL YOU.

I'M STAYING TO WATCH.

I HEREBY FIND:

ALL PARTIES CULPABLE

IN THESE MATTERS AS CHARGED,

AND SO CHOOSE TO INVEIGH

THE MAXIMUM LEVY

FOR THESE VIOLATIONS,

AND DO THEREFORE DEEM

THAT YOU BE CONVEYED

TO A WHOLLY AWFUL PLACE

OF EXECUTION:

WHEREIN YOU SHALL

BE PUT TO DEATH.

OH!

OH!

AAH!

AAH!

[SQUEAKING]

QUE ES ESO?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HEH HEH!

YEAH.

[WHRRR]

WHAT'S GOING

ON HERE, HUH?

I'LL GIVE YOU ALL YOUR COKE,

YOUR GRINDERS, YOUR SPOONS,

AND POT AND GUNS

AND KNIVES BACK TO YOU

WHEN YOU COME OU THE OTHER END.

%% GOIN' DOWN %%

%% BONESTRIPPER %%

%% YOU DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO %%

%% YOU'RE IN A MESS,

YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN %%

%% BONESTRIPPER %%

HEE HEE HEH HA HO HO!

LOOK, I'M SURE THESE

ARE REASONABLE PEOPLE.

THEY'LL HAVE TO ENTERTAIN

SOME KIND OF AN OFFER.

[KEYS JANGLE]

THEY'RE COMING.

OK, FOLKS.

GIT UP HERE:

FOR SUPPER.

SEE? THEY'RE

REASONABLE PEOPLE--

SUPPER.

SUPPER.

LITTLE WHITE WINE,

ARUGALA SALAD,

MAYBE SOME PASTA.

[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYS]

[MATADOR MUSIC PLAYS]

WELCOME TO SUPPER.

HOW ABOUT A NICE

HAWAIIAN PUNCH?

THANK YOU, JUDGE.

YOU KNOW,

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