Nothing in Common Page #3

scenario was for this?

I was gonna move away

into a luxurious mansion.

My parents were

gonna visit me once.

They were gonna say,

"What a nice mansion. We love you. "

I was gonna say, "I love you too. "

Then they would go away and die.

Does this make me

an a**hole?

Hank, that jerk that I was married to,

he was an a**hole.

- Mm-hm.

- You're just, um...

Oh. Childish, immature and selfish?

That's right, I am.

You know how much money

I make for thinking this way?

It is economically

unsound to grow up.

If I did grow up and became an adult,

what would I do?

Good afternoon, Nat.

Hi, Max.

Got any tips for me?

Yeah, don't go swimming

after a heavy meal.

Drop by later.

I have some girlie pictures.

Well, if they're as bad as last week,

keep them to yourself.

Mr. Yung, a prune Danish

and a seltzer.

You got it, Max.

Oomph.

- Hello, Max.

- Hey, Sal.

- How's your wife?

- Oh, she's fine.

Good. Send her my best, huh,

even though I know she never liked me.

That makes two of us.

She never liked me either.

He's a riot. Max Basner,

last of the old-time salesmen.

The new pens arrived.

- "Stolen from the desk... "

- "Of Max Basner. "

It just so happens,

that this is a great sales gimmick.

It's also a hell of a way

to meet women.

If you were interested in sales

as much as women, we'd all be rich.

Don't you dare yell at me.

You're talking to Max Basner.

I've been the top salesman

in this company for 35 years.

Okay.

I'm sorry, Max.

Mr. Keenan from New York

has been on my back.

Just do better, Max.

Okay?

Just do better.

Over here, boss.

- Come on, let's hit the pool.

- Wait, first close your eyes.

All right,

I want an honest opinion.

- Who are you grateful to?

- Oh, it's you, Charlie Gargas.

Open your eyes

and don't laugh.

Oh, it's you.

- I don't look too dumb in this?

- No.

It looks great.

I want one.

Next month they're using my photo

in Advertising Age Magazine.

It's a horrible title for a magazine.

They're staring?

- I heard a laugh.

- Nobody's looking. Changing subject:

- Colonial Airlines is up for grabs.

- I know.

Three agencies are being

asked to do presentations.

We have to be one of them.

I've set up a dinner between you

and the owner, Andrew Woolridge.

I've asked around about him.

He's a former Navy pilot.

He's private, he's cautious,

a man of few words.

Or maybe he's dumb, paranoid

and totally off his rocker.

Nobody knows for sure.

- You're staring again.

- What? No. Uh-uh.

- Yes, you are. Uh...

- No.

- It's time for the real test.

- Real test?

Let's go. Follow me.

Come on.

Looks good from the back.

Real test of what?

- To see how it looks underwater.

- It'll look fabulous.

Hold this,

will you, please?

How's it look?

Uh...

It's over there.

Oh, sh*t, it's sinking.

Mm.

Mm.

Room 432, please.

No, I'll try back, thank you.

Excuse me, do you happen

to have the time?

Yes, it is...

let's see, 7:
30.

Before you know it the Renaissance

will be here and we'll be busy painting.

What are you talking about?

That's a line from a movie.

Forget it, it didn't work.

It's a Woody Allen movie.

Does that carry any weight?

No, it doesn't.

But it wasn't a disaster.

Heh. Why don't we just

try some honesty?

I have a business dinner here tonight.

The most important in my career.

- What career is it?

- Advertising.

Somehow after seeing you, it didn't

seem that important anymore.

My name is Basner,

David Basner.

David Basner,

I'm Cheryl Ann Wayne.

Cheryl Ann Wayne.

I don't know how long

my dinner's gonna take,

but would it be possible

afterwards to have a drink?

No, it wouldn't.

Hey. Is my nose bleeding?

Huh? I just got tagged. Ouch.

You know how to do

the Heimlich maneuver?

Why, certainly, sir.

I'll have the trout.

I'm here to see

Andrew Woolridge.

This way, please.

Mr. Woolridge?

David Basner.

I appreciate you seeing me for dinner.

They serve a notorious lobster bisque.

No dinner.

I'm sorry.

No dinner?

Did I stutter? I said, no dinner.

I eat alone. We're having drinks.

I see.

I'll have a white wine spritzer,

please.

- I said we're having drinks.

- I'll have a Stoli on the rocks.

I'll get right to the point.

It's great that you're considering

a Chicago-based agency.

New York is New York.

L.A., who knows what they are?

But Chicago is the U.S. of A.

Now, Boile, Gargas and Lionel

cannot wait to do a presentation.

So much so,

we're willing to do it on spec.

You know...

sometimes I eat my whole

meal just using my salad fork.

Really?

I'm sorry I'm gonna miss that.

Anyway...

Sorry I'm late.

I had to make phone calls.

I'm Cheryl Ann Wayne, the media

director for Colonial Airlines.

- I was with Capital Air in Boston...

- You already have the job.

I wanna hear about him.

He's with one of three top

agencies in the Midwest.

They are particularly

strong with TV spots.

Basner's the new creative director.

He's good, but a little impulsive.

He tends to give up everything

for a pretty face.

And I wear bikini briefs.

- It's for you, Ms. Wayne.

- Thank you. Excuse me.

Hello?

Yes, Bill.

No, that won't do.

I need the report in the morning.

Yes, I'm holding.

You know,

I was meaning to ask you, sir,

by eating your entire meal with the

salad fork, does that include the soup?

- You don't stay at the same hotel?

- No, never where the boss stays.

I like my privacy.

Not that I often mix business

with pleasure like this,

but I have to make an exception

because I didn't eat.

This is nice.

Basner, let's talk.

One thing that makes it difficult for

a woman in the corporate world:

A label that she slept

her way to the top.

I don't have to do that.

I have an MBA from the

Wharton School of Business,

and all other credentials.

We will get along fine if you remember

to stay on your side of the line.

And if you try to cross it,

I'm fully capable of

kicking you in the balls.

You know, I went to

the Wharton School.

- That's a lie.

- Yes, I'm lying, I'm sorry.

But I am protecting my balls,

just as at one time or another,

you have protected your own.

Are you suggesting that

I come on too strong?

- No, no. Well, not for a sumo wrestler.

- Your car, ma'am.

Thank you.

- Get in, Basner.

- I beg your pardon?

Leave your car here and get in.

I'm taking you home.

- Where do you live?

- South Dearborn.

Good.

I like new places.

Well, I certainly am enjoying working

with Colonial Airlines so far.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hm.

I'm enjoying you.

Definitely.

You don't have a presentation slide,

much less this account.

These are details

that I will handle.

- You're cocky.

- Mm-hm.

My father likes that.

Uh-huh?

Well...

I'll have to meet him.

What does your father do?

He has a nice job

with Colonial Airlines.

- Mm.

- Yeah. He owns it.

- Your father's Andrew Woolridge?

- That's right.

You're Andrew Woolridge's

daughter?

I was in bed with a client's...

Your name is Wayne, not Woolridge.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes