Nothing in Common Page #6

That's Sal Mancuso.

He's one of my biggest customers.

How much business has

Sal given you lately?

His wife has been sick.

Come on, Max. Looks like all your

customers have sick families.

Don't worry.

Business will pick up.

A pink dress with a Pilgrim

collar in poly-cotton.

That is a Super Togs.

Kristen is my personal choice

for model of the year.

- Well, it's nice to see you, Max.

- Nice to see you, Mr. Keenan.

Turn in your samples.

But that's my spring line.

Yes, but we have someone else

in mind to take care of that.

We're letting you go, Max.

You're fired.

Item 16...

is Adam, in poly-cotton

gray flannel trousers.

Look, Max, my kid's in the show.

I gotta run. I'll see you later.

We thank all the kids who

volunteered to model today,

plus all the kids whose mothers dragged

them kicking and screaming.

Goodbye, have a grand year, and

remember, Chicago Mart's motto is:

Be proud to be a salesman.

Don't ad-lib the lines.

Stick to the copy.

Just sort of enjoy the language

and read the script.

Relax.

Enjoy.

Oh, George.

They think up the commercials

for that go to Marketing upstairs,

and then to the

account executives.

These cubicles are called the bullpen.

That's a baseball term.

Please step right over here,

and we'll take a little break.

Mm.

Just once I want to hear you say,

"I trust your creative judgment. "

The third woman does not

look like a grandmother.

She looks like a hooker.

- I know hookers. She's no hooker.

- We have plenty of grandmas.

Heads up, tour coming.

All I'm trying to say is grandmothers

are getting younger every day.

Do you know David Basner?

Number two had a

geriatric youthfulness.

- I need some input. David...

- Will you come to my office?

Where have you been? I've been

in the lobby for 20 minutes.

I got cramps from

these lousy grapes.

It's the afternoon, Dad.

I work here.

- Aren't you gonna introduce

me around? - No.

I work here for five years, this is the

first time you've driven past the building.

Well, I had no coffee

at the apartment.

I thought maybe

you'd have some.

You know, this is something.

Secretaries. Offices.

- It's a regular big deal.

- What do you want?

Not here.

Dad, I got a promotion

so I could have an office.

- See my name?

- Not here.

Can't you give your father five

minutes? Let's take a drive.

Why don't get yourself

a regular car?

It's a Jeep, Dad.

I look good in it.

This goddamn car. You have to

be a mountain climber to get in it.

- Want one? They're Honduran.

- No.

- Can't get the Cubans anymore.

- No, thank you.

That's where I find

Protection from the rain

I lost my lines.

Since you've been gone

They fired me.

Ooh, boy

What are you gonna do?

I know you hate me,

but you have to help me.

No.

No, you don't.

You take Grandma from the

cold and send her to the warm.

That way she doesn't

get pneumonia and die.

You help her with

her rheumatism.

- We can have dinner. Macaroni.

- Oh, I can't, Dad. I've got a date.

I got you X-rated action

on every page:

Eros, the new Macho,

Hot and Sexy Mature Women.

You know, that's something

we always had in common.

- Who?

- My father. You. Me.

We could always

talk a girl into bed.

I'm glad you still can, Dad.

- You need asparagus?

- I can't.

I can't do it anymore.

- Hi, hi.

- Hi.

You wanted that clock?

I hope it'll do.

This is a flashlight.

There was something else.

- Thank you.

- What is that? Oh. That's right.

Look at that, Mom.

Look, it's a dog.

Oh, David.

- Oh. Where did you get him?

- Down at the pound.

Does he have papers?

No. Well, he gets the Tribune.

He's not house-trained.

Oh. David, thank you.

Oh, someone to love.

- See you later, Mom.

- Bye, David. Thanks.

Oh, you're so sweet. Oh.

Did that scare you?

Who is studying psychology?

Economics? Philosophy? That's good.

Advertising is the applied distillation

of everything we know.

Ask Mr. Buzzword. I love what I do.

I'm not writing the great novel.

I don't have a manuscript. I don't want

to direct movies. I don't want to paint.

I like advertising. If you think

you like it, well, give it a shot.

Just remember, if you choke,

you could end up like Mr. Buzzword.

- Isn't that right, Ted?

- Heh-heh. Thanks, David.

Mr. Basner loves to kid.

What's the dilemma?

What kind of chair

to put Grandma in.

- What kind are there?

- Excuse me?

- What?

- Dad.

- Shaker?

- How about an electric chair?

Yeah?

Come on.

Put it back.

Put it back.

Shame on you.

I'm sorry.

Get in the car.

Cubitode is a smalltime bookie.

You don't know Cubitode.

- He's talking about kneecaps.

- They don't break kneecaps for $75.

You bought your mother a car.

For chrissake,

aren't my knees worth $75?

- Didn't we do that yesterday?

- Hello, Dad. No, Mom...

- Where do you need to go?

- I need a cleaning lady.

You missed my birthday, David.

They have buses

out to the track.

- Your mother.

- I've got a serious problem.

- The dog wants to say hi.

- I know it's 2:
00 in the morning.

Mom, the AA doesn't tow your car.

They're the one who help alcoholics.

Yes, I'm sorry I bothered you.

Goodbye.

- I'm the father he's ashamed of.

- Nice.

- Father's on 7, mother's on 8.

- I was in a meeting.

Don't put your father on hold.

I knew him before

he had conferences.

- It's your mother again.

- That's it.

- I can't.

- Father's on 4.

- I'm your mother.

- I'll be there as soon as I can.

You just called an hour ago.

- Who is it?

- David, come on, open up.

- They're driving me crazy.

- Who?

Max and Lorraine.

Can I come in?

- David, it's midnight.

- I gotta talk to you.

- They're driving me crazy.

- No, I can't. Shh!

- This better be important.

- Everything is coming true.

- Have we been drinking?

- Just a little, not too much.

It's always "Pick up dry-cleaning,

help with groceries,

I can't drive, take me somewhere,

David, David, David. "

It's beginning to affect

my work, Donna.

I feel like David the

Swedish au pair boy.

I bought my mother a dog.

- Donna? Sweetheart?

- Just a minute.

David, I'm not alone.

Sit here and stay calm.

Stay.

Stay.

What's happening?

I heard drumming.

- An old friend is having

a problem. - Now?

- Yeah. His parents have split up.

- Well, how old is he?

I just gotta talk to him.

I really gotta apologize

for barging in like this.

I'm sorry.

But I won't be long.

- He's drunk. - No, I've just

had a couple Scotches.

I know you.

We met.

You're in Psychology.

Roland...

- Robert.

- Robert!

Robert, you're naked.

I'm sorry, I came

at a real bad time.

- Wanna know what she really likes?

- David. I am gonna kill you.

Hey, I'm talking with Robert.

She and I were like this in high school.

Sometimes like this.

We went steady for a really

long time. I like her.

Got a lot of energy.

Her middle name is Mildred.

- Oh! David, I will use this.

- Hates that. Donna Mildred Martin.

I'm talking about the nervous

breakdown caused by my parents.

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