Nothing Sacred Page #2

Moses in the mountains!

You're from the Morning Star?

Stay right where you are.

Don't move!

I'll show you something

that'll freeze ya!

Listen, doctor. I'm getting

sick of this taffy pull.

Where can I get hold

of Hazel Flagg?

Don't talk to me about Hazel Flagg!

No, siree!

Here's the evidence.

I appeal to you as a man of learning, Dr.

Downer. What is Miss Flagg's address?

Don't waste my time, young fella.

Here, read that.

That's a copy of an essay I wrote.

Read it. Go on.

Tit for tat.

Give me her address, and I'll pore over

these interesting documents all night.

I entered this contest with

a clean pair of hands.

Who are the six greatest Americans?

I named them and proved why,

writing on one side of the paper.

And what happened? Did I

win the $10,000? No, siree.

Did I win the 5,000? Did they

even try to save their face

by giving me one of the

smaller $1,000 prizes?

Not that gang of chicken thieves!

Here's what they gave me, read it.

A check for $1.

- Young fella, for 22 years...

- I must ask you to be reasonable.

- You can't harbor a grudge for 22 years.

- I'll harbor it till I die! Wait and see!

The Morning Star had a chance

to win my respect 22 years ago.

They saw fit to swindle and belittle me.

Very well.

I'll prove to them before I die

who the six great Americans are

And who was entitled

to the first prize!

I could do better in darkest Africa.

You know who got that $10,000?

The editor's wife, that's who!

Morning.

You don't have to sit there

looking so dramatic, Hazel.

Like Eliza crossing the ice.

Well, I can't help feeling a little bad.

You couldn't either if you

were gonna die any minute.

Well, you can stop giving yourself

the airs of a dying swan.

According to this last analysis

I made, you ain't going to die.

Unless you get run over or something.

What?

You heard me. I don't like

to chew my cabbage twice.

Enoch... Enoch, I-I-I'm

not gonna die?

You're fitter than a fiddle! And stop

gawking at me while I cut myself!

Oh, I gotta cry, Enoch.

I can't help it.

Come, come, come, this is no way

to behave in a doctor's office.

Besides, that soap will give you the

darndest bellyache you ever had.

Oh, Enoch, you saved my life.

Oh, it was nothing. That first

diagnosis I made was a mistake.

I got so that I was seeing

radium poisoning everywhere.

I've been awfully brave, haven't I, not

to cry before? Please say I have...

Well, now that it's over, I don't mind telling

you, Hazel, I felt kinda sorry for you.

Sorry.

I've been under a great strain.

You know, I don't know why

I'm so happy about it, Enoch.

You sort of spoiled my trip.

What trip's that, Hazel?

You know, I was gonna take that

$200 you get for dying in Warsaw

And go to New York and blow

it all in and die happy.

And now I've got to stay in Warsaw.

So that's your gratitude to me?

For snatching you from

the jaws of death?

You know, I don't know which I am,

happy or miserable, I'm all mixed up.

Enoch, listen. Do you have to hand

in that report to the factory?

I know it sounds a little dishonest.

I'd do it like a shot, Hazel.

Only I'd lose my job the minute they

found out you weren't going to die.

And besides, there's the ethics.

Well. Oh, thanks for all your trouble.

I'm terribly grateful, Enoch.

Only it's kind of startling to

be brought to life twice...

And each time in Warsaw!

Miss Flagg?

Pardon me, I'm Wallace Cook

from the New York Star.

I came up to see you.

I know it's hard for you to talk, but if

you'd just listen to me for a while...

I have nothing to say now.

It's sort of too late.

I know how you feel, Miss Flagg.

But I won't ask you any

questions about your ailment.

I was just in to see Dr.

Downer, and he told me...

Now, please don't cry. I was thinking

while I was waiting for you to come out

and I got an idea. I want you

to come to New York with me.

- What?

- As my guest.

As the guest of the Morning Star. Now,

don't say anything till I tell you.

- Oh, I'm not saying anything.

- If you were my sister...

or somebody close to me, I'd take you

outta Warsaw dead or alive, Miss Flagg.

Oh, I've always wanted to see

the world outside before I...

- You've lived here all your life, huh?

- Twice as long.

You poor kid. You've

never been to New York?

No, my grandmother took me there when I

was three, but I didn't appreciate it.

Listen, we'll show you the town.

We'll take you everywhere.

You'll have more fun than if

you lived a hundred years

in this moth-eaten

yep-and-nope village.

- That's so very true...

- Is it a bargain?

I don't know. It would be

imposing on everybody because...

Imposing? In what way?

Oh, I just thought it'd be

wrong to make people sad.

- I'd be kind of a killjoy, wouldn't I?

- Listen, I'll be frank with you.

Even if I sound like a ghoul.

You'll be a sensation.

The whole town will

take you to its heart.

You'll have everything you've ever dreamed

of. You'll have it on a silver platter.

You'll be like Aladdin with

the magic lamp to rub.

You mean they'll like me

just because I'm dying?

Oh, that's a cruel way to put it.

No, they'll like you because you'll

be a symbol of courage and heroism.

- We'll talk about it on the plane.

- An aeroplane? You mean we'll fly there?

Sure. Sure, we haven't much time.

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean...

The sooner you get there, the more

time you'll have to enjoy yourself.

You know, I was gonna go there before.

I saved up an hundred dollars.

Now, a hundred million dollars couldn't buy

you the fun the Morning Star can give you.

- Come on.

- Oh no, wait. I gotta take him with me.

- Who? The kid on the bicycle?

- Oh no, no. Enoch. Dr. Downer.

You wait here. Oh, you

won't go away, will you?

- Nope.

- Oh, I'll go ask him. Will you wait here?

- Yep.

- Oh, good. Enoch! Enoch!

Oh, Enoch, look!

I don't care for scenery

from this point of view.

But that's the Statue of Liberty!

I've seen it.

I got in touch with Oliver.

Oliver Stone, my editor.

He's toe dancing in the

street waiting for us.

Oh, I hope he's nice like you.

Well, he's got a different

quality of charm.

He's sort of a cross between a

Ferris wheel and a werewolf.

But with a lovable streak -

if you care to blast for it.

- You're getting nervous?

- Oh no, no.

I just hope he won't have a lot of long-

whiskered doctors lined up to harass me.

You know, I'm not coming to New York to

play guinea pig for a lot of scientists.

Everybody knows that radium

poisoning is incurable

so... so why waste any

time in that direction?

Don't you worry about that.

You won't be bothered at all.

I'm not going to go to bed until I have

convulsions and my teeth start falling out.

That's when I begin

worrying, isn't it, Enoch?

It's as good a time as any.

- How're you feeling now, sailor?

- Hunky dory, Skipper.

Well, there she is, in all

her beads and ribbons.

- Mr. Cook?

- Yeah. Oh, thank you.

Oh, it's from Oliver. He's almost

tongue-tied with excitement.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes