Nothing Sacred Page #6

sellin' papers!

Before I finish with that female

Dracula, she'll know one thing -

that Oliver Stone is worse than radium

poisoning four ways from the Jack!

Hello? Hello? Who? Moe? Moe who?

Who's Moe Levinsky?

That's my brother. You sent him

over to get that girl. Remember?

Oh, Moe. Listen. What? What's that?

Well, what are you stalling for? Get her

back here to the office as I ordered.

Get the mush out of your

mouth, man, and speak up!

He's a dumb cluck, Mr. Stone.

You better let me talk to him.

You'll just get him excited...

then he's gone.

Hello, Moe? This is Max.

What's on your mind?

Uh-huh... Uh-huh...

Tsk. That's a shame.

- What is it?

- I'm gettin' it.

Go on, Moe. And take it easy.

Uh-huh... Uh-huh...

You don't say.

Look, Moe. Hold the wire, will you?

I'll take it up with Mr. Stone.

Well?

He wants to know where he can get a doctor.

This girl is sick.

- Who's sick?

- This girl. Hazel Flagg.

It's a lie!

Listen, Max, ask him

what she's sick with.

He told me. He said it's

something like the DTs.

Only the dope can't

pronounce it.

- Well, is the nurse there?

- Just a minute.

Hello, M- ... Hello, Moe?

This is Max.

Your brother, Max!

He's gettin' rattled.

Now, don't fly off the handle, Moe. All

I wanna know - is the noisse there?

No, not a noise. A noisse!

Like a tootsie!

Thaaat's right.

- Uh-huh... Uh-huh...

- Give me that phone.

- I'm gettin' there...

- Give me that phone, I tell you!

- Here's the noisse.

- Miss Rafferty?

Oliver Stone.

Pneumonia?

It's a lie, I tell you.

Temperature of 106?

Dying?

Go back and take her temperature again. I

don't trust that girl until I get a doctor.

No, not Dr. Downer!

Tell Moe to throw that Vermont quack out

of the room the minute he shows his face.

Get me Moe.

Pneumonia? It's the finger

of God if it's true.

Listen, Moe. Don't let anybody

leave that room until I get there.

Dead or alive, nobody

leaves that room. Get me?

It's like a pardon from the gallows.

But I'm trusting nobody this time.

I'm taking no chances.

Hello? Hello? Get me

Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.

Wherever he is.

Well, try all the hotels.

Listen, Oliver. I'm going over there.

And if you try to stop me

So help me, I'll get you,

if it takes all my life.

Nobody is going to stop you now.

If that little girl is sick,

your place is by her side.

Yes. Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.

Well, try the medical center.

Try Schulz's Beer Garden!

No, I don't want to see the Mayor.

Take the Mayor away from me.

I want Wallace. Wallace, where are you?

Cut out the shenanigans, will you?

We haven't got any time to lose.

Oh. Wally. Wally, I'm on fire.

Wally...

Now, shut up for a minute

and listen to me.

Egelhofer is gonna be here

in ten or fifteen minutes.

- Egelhofer.

Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.

- I knew you were faking the minute I

- Oh, Wally, they were gonna arrest me.

I couldn't get away. I put the thermometer

under the hot water and threw a fit.

Oh, Wally, you hate me. I knew you'd

hate me. I told you, I told you...

Let's not go into that now.

Oh, Egelhofer, he'll expose me

again, and there's four of them.

- Keep your head and listen to me.

- You hate me.

- Now shut up. Where's the hot water?

- It's in there.

As if I didn't know...

- Have you got two thermometers?

- Three. I've got three.

- Two are enough.

You'll never forgive me for

what I've done to you.

Wally, I wanna die. Honest, I

don't wanna live another minute.

Must've been a lot of fun playing

me for the world's prize chump.

- Where's the other thermometer?

- Here.

Wallace Cook, king of the b*obs. The

only genuine horse's neck on the market.

I didn't mean it. Really, I didn't...

All right, shut up and listen to the greatest

sucker in Christendom, and listen hard.

- Egelhofer is coming.

- With his gang?

What gang?

Well, he's got a wagonload of scientists with

him, with microscopes and searchlights...

- Oh, I'm sunk. I give up.

- Get out of bed.

No, no. Let them arrest

me and put me in prison.

Well, you won't hate me so

much if I'm behind bars.

Listen, my dying swan. This

is no time to stop faking.

You're gonna have pneumonia, and

you're gonna have it good.

Why, you want me to stand in front

of the window and catch cold?

No, that would take too long.

We gotta raise your pulse to 160. Quick.

We gotta have you a-gasping, panting

and covered with a cold sweat

inside of five minutes.

- How?

- How? I don't... Fight. Fight!

Come on. Come on, Delilah,

up with your dukes.

Oh, I can't. I'm sick

of faking and lying.

Take that ice pack off

your head and fight.

No, no, what's the use?

Why fool them any longer?

Because I love you.

Because I'm going to marry you.

And I don't wanna spend my

honeymoon hanging around Sing-Sing

blowing kisses to you

in the exercise yard!

Come on, stop dogging it. You've

got to be bathed in perspiration!

- Come on, get going, you little crook!

- Who's a crook?!

You and your crooked

newspapermen...

That's my baby! Come on, keep

moving, snake brains. Come on.

I'll kill you! Dragging me around like

I was a prize pig with a blue ribbon!

There's no blue ribbons on you, baby.

Just a big yellow sign marked "fake".

I'm a fake, huh? I'm a fake? What are you?

And that phony Santa Claus, Oliver Stone?

Slobbering and drooling all over me...

That's for the Heroines of History!

Mh-hm. And that's

for your Aunt Mary!

Come on. Keep moving,

my little fraud.

I'm not gonna forgive you as long as I live!

I'll just hate you, I'll just hate you...

Let go of me! Let go of me!

Oh, I hate you!

You're gonna have plenty

of reason to hate me.

I'm gonna show you cards and spades

in lying for the next fifty years.

I'm gonna pay you back for

every lie you told.

I'm gonna flirt and lie and cheat and swindle

right through to our Golden Wedding.

- Yeah, yeah. Let me hit you just once.

- All right. Come on.

Yep. That's it. Come on, keep coming.

Faster. Faster. Come on.

Keep coming. Faster. Faster. That's it.

Keep swinging. That's the girl. That's it.

- What's the matter? Come on.

- Oh, I'm getting dizzy.

Well, that's fine. That's fine. Now

listen to me, and listen carefully.

When you come to, I want you

to remember what I'm saying.

- What do you mean, come to?

- I mean, when you regain consciousness.

I want you to switch thermometers. Put

the hot one in your mouth, you get me?

Yeah, yeah. Let me

sock you just once.

Just once on the jaw, and

I don't care what happens.

All right. Come on.

I just heard the elevator door. They're

coming. Don't forget about the thermometer.

- Yeah, yeah.

- All right. Say good night to Papa now.

Why? What are you gonna do?

You put up a nice fight, Wally.

You mean to say you

saw the whole thing?

From the beginning, Mr. Cook.

You mean to say you stood there and

let me beat up a defenseless woman?

- I did, Mr. Cook.

- Where's your sense of chivalry?

My chivalry? Aren't you just a trifle

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