Nothing to Lose Page #3

It's easy for you to point the fnger

when you're sittin' on your rich ass

in a big f***in' house.

- I'm not rich.

- Oh, yeah.

- How big's your TV?

- What?

- I say, how big's your TV?

- Fifty-inch.

- Get in the car.

- Oh, please. Let's not

make this a social issue.

The point is that even

if you wanted to rob a place,

there are smarter ways to do it.

- Enlighten me.

- A mask. Wear a mask.

You see, the police

have this thing called a "lineup..."

and if someone recognizes you,

you go to jail!

Oh, how about this for a novel idea?

Case the place frst.

Find out if there's a security camera

or a hidden alarm.

Then again, why even rob

a convenience store?

How much money could you possibly get?

Two, three hundred dollars?

Then what? You're set

for two days! Wow!

- What do you know, lanky?

- I know you go for the big score.

One robbery, you're set.

News flash, big slim.

People with big money,

they protect it.

So you do a little research.

Take Quality Design Group where I work.

My boss keeps a ton of cash

in his vault.

At night, there's only two guards

and a personal security system.

Now, in this case,

I happen to even know the code.

But even if I didn't, l...

What?

I got a booger in my nose?

What?

Diversify.

You can't trust banks, Nick.

The entire system

could crumble at any second.

That bastard's so heavily leveraged,

it would wipe him out.

Wait a minute.

Am I hearing you right?

Mr "High and Mighty"

is gonna rob his boss?

You hear that,

gila monsters?

Old Nick Beam here

is gonna rob his boss!

I say, do you hear that,

gila monsters?

You know what, Nick? Your wife really

messed your head up bad, man.

You're serious?

- How much he got?

- Only the bulk of his personal assets.

- Six, seven hundred thousand.

- You what?

- Hey, you gonna need some help.

- Oh, no, this has nothing

to do with you.

Hey, I was present at the time

of creative inspiration...

which entitles me

to partial ownership...

in this

criminalistic endeavour.

- Get out.

- Maybe I'll just call Quality

Design Group when we get back.

I want half.

We're gonna bury

this a**hole.

Sure, you're right.

If you ever plan

To motor West

Travel my way

Take the highway

That's the best

Come on

Get your kicks

On Route Sixty...

Six

Well, it winds from Chicago

To L.A.

More than 2,000 miles

- Highway shooters?

- One black, one white. You tell me?

You were there,

and they got away?

They were driving

a 1996 Yukon.

- Licence?

- You know, if I had a licence number,

Bart, I wouldn't be standing here...

- eating large quantities

of sh*t, now, would I?

- No, sir.

Monitor calls on both sides

of the border. Fax that photo

to every precinct on the planet.

There's so much as a sneeze

out there I wanna feel the mist.

I hear a voice

- Give me all your money and a Yoo Hoo.

- The money's all locked up.

That'll be 79 cents, please.

I said

Come on, little prisoner

I got something to say

Something stinks, man.

You sure you ain't got

a gas leak?

- It's my shoes.

- Your shoes?

You ever heard of Dr Scholl's?

I spilled some gas on my shoes

at the gas station.

You know,

the one you robbed.

- Oh, so you got a camcorder up in here.

- What are you doing?

I'm just

checkin' it out, man.

- Pu... Pu... Put it down.

- I ain't gonna break it, man.

Just let me check it out.

Just let me see.

Yo, this is your wife?

Man, I see why

you were upset.

Not bad, Nick.

Not bad, Nick.

I mean, you know,

for a cheatin' b*tch.

Look, don't you call her that.

You... You don't know her.

Don't call her that.

Okay. No disrespect. Okay?

What should I call her?

Monogamously challenged?

- God.

- I was just f***in' with you, man.

You know, this is an all right camera

for a regular eight.

- It's the best on the market.

- Let me explain something to you, Nick.

If you ain't got digital,

you ain't got sh*t.

This has only got

one C.C.D. Chip.

Broadcast has three, Nick.

Don't look at me like that.

What, are you surprised I know sh*t?

The guy that sold me that camera

Just set up our computer network.

- Windows NT?

- No. Just Windows.

- Man, get out of here with that sh*t.

- Look, here's a nutty idea.

If you actually know something about

this stuff, why not use that knowledge

and get a job?

Take a good look at me.

- I'm not exactly the corporate colour.

- That's ridiculous.

- If you wanted a job,

you could have one.

- There's a spider on your head.

- What?

- There's a spider on your head.

Look, I am sorry.

I am not up on all this...

Jive-talkin', homeboy lingo.

What's that supposed to mean,

there's a spider on your head?

It means:
There's a spider on

your motherfuckin' head, man.

Well, get it off!

Get it off, get it off!

- I ain't touchin' that sh*t.

- Get it off!

Get it off, get it off,

get if off, get if off!

- Get it off!

- Yo, that's a big f***in' spider, man.

Oh, sh*t!

Nick, it's just a spider.

I'm a scat man

No, no.

Now don't go crazy.

- Yeah, you go, boy.

- I'm a scat man

Hold on, let me focus.

Let me focus on this sh*t.

I'm a scat man

Oh, sh*t.

You got the hot foot!

Yo, Nick!

Get on the good foot.

Get on the good...

Aw, got it!

I'm a scat man

I'm a scat man

I gotta make a call.

You pump.

- Give me the gun.

- What?

Give me the gun.

Man, I wasn't gonna

rob the place, man.

Then you won't need this.

Then you won't need this.

You must be really fast.

Twenty dollars on pump number 15

and a sour fruity twist.

- You a cop?

- No.

You bastards have tried this

too many times!

- Oh, listen...

- Shut up!

- I wasn't gonna...

- Shut up.

Emmitt County Sheriff's Station.

Hello. Hello.

- Uh...

- Yes, may I help you?

That show, Cops...

I love it.

Have you ever had

a really bad day?

I'm havin' one right now.

Now, look, baby,

I told you I'd be home later.

Now, this guy say he got a job

for me, okay, payin' big money.

Okay, now, please, don't argue with me.

Not-Not now. All right?

I'll see you later. Okay.

Oh, oh. Oh.

Now all I want's $20 on pump number 15

and a sour fruity twist.

- Is that too much to ask?

- No, sir.

- Do you mind if I take your gun?

- No, sir.

Would you please rip the phone cord

out of the wall?

- What?

- Would you rip the phone cord

out of the wall, please?

Thank you. This is for the phone and for

the gun and for the sour fruity twist.

And $20 on pump number 15. Go on.

- Thank you for your patience.

- Yes, sir.

Le... Let me get this straight.

It's all right for you to rob a place,

but it ain't all right for me?

I didn't rob him.

Well, you got a funny way

of not robbin' a motherf***er.

Nick, let's get out of here,

man, before he calls the cops.

- He's not gonna call the cops.

- How do you know?

I had him rip the phone cord

out of the wall.

Oh, shoot.

That's pretty good.

And you got his gun?

Not bad, Nicholas.

Not bad.

Charlie, this sh*t's depressing the sh*t

out of me. It's makin' me sad.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes