Novitiate Page #7

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I don't understand.

You can just keep reading.

Please go back to reading, please.

Just read. I'm sorry.

No, that was a mistake. I'm sorry.

- It's my fault.

- That was my fault.

I'm sorry. That was a mistake.

- L'm sorry, it was my fault.

- No, it's me. I have to go.

So stupid of...

Lord,

make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

where there is injury, pardon,

where there is doubt, faith,

where there is despair, hope,

where there is sadness, joy,

where there is darkness, light.

Oh, divine master,

Grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love.

Love, love, love.

Love.

Sisters.

I have an announcement.

I apologize that this has taken so long,

but there's something very important

that I've been meaning to inform you of.

I'm sure, by now,

at least a few of you have heard

of something called Vatican ll.

In a nutshell,

there's been a series of meetings

in Rome

over the past three years.

These meetings have been

principally concerned with revisions

that the pope and others

felt necessary to ensure the survival

of our church.

I, myself, couldn't be more pleased

with the results of Vatican ll.

Pope John xxiii

was nothing short of a visionary

in terms of...

In terms...

Well, let's not belabor it.

I will read this letter

from the archdiocese.

A letter,

regarding certain reforms

which we will be adopting immediately.

"From now on, please be advised

"that priests are no longer required

to read the liturgy in Latin

"and should face the congregation

during mass.

"All catholics are further

encouraged to embrace

"the idea of full religious tolerance.

"While we may not share

the same beliefs as others,

"we will honor and respect

"each and every individual's belief

as their own.

"Please be advised also that all nuns

"and women religious,

cloistered and non-cloistered,

"are no longer required to wear

the traditional habit

"as a symbol of their

lifelong matrimony to Christ.

"In fact,

"they are now free to wear

what they want.

"Regarding the culture

of more extreme abnegation

"and self-punishment still prevalent

in many communities today,

"please be advised

that according to the council,

"this is no longer understood

"to be the appropriate path to follow

"for all those seeking

greater union with Christ.

"It is no longer acceptable

"to view any acts of extreme sacrifice

"as an act of love.

"Finally,

"from here forward,

"in the eyes of both

the holy church and god,

"the status of all nuns

shall be reduced as equal

"to that of any regular

practicing catholic.

"While the choice to enter the convent

remains one's own,

"this does not

necessarily make nuns any more

"beloved or special

"in the eyes of god."

I am deeply sorry, sisters.

Have a pleasant day.

Where are you?

I can feel you, right next to me,

for so long.

With me

all that time, my darling husband.

And now you've abandoned me.

And you hoped

that I would lose faith in you?

You imagined that I would

just walk out those gates?

Icannot

I made a commitment

forty years ago.

And even if you choose

to turn your light from me forever...

I am yours.

Oh, my darling husband.

You can't be here.

Okay.

Okay.

It's okay.

Do you remember...

Do you remember when you asked

what I was starving for?

I just want to be comforted.

Please, will you just comfort me?

Please, will you just...

Please, will you just...

Will you, please? Just...

Please, will you just comfort me?

Please, please, please.

Please, will you just comfort me?

Please, will you just comfort me?

I can't.

Please, I just want to be comforted.

Please, please, please.

Please.

- Okay.

- Please comfort me.

- I will. I will comfort you.

- Please, please, please.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Please, please, please.

Okay. Okay. Stop talking.

Please.

Please, just comfort me. Please, please.

Please.

- Please, please.

- Okay, okay.

- Please, please.

- Okay, okay.

Comfort me.

I take it you're feeling better?

Yes. I am.

Thank you.

I appreciate the devotion you showed,

starving yourself for Christ.

Thank you, mother.

So, a few bumps here and there,

but mostly you have been exceptional

during your training.

I believe you belong here

with us, sister.

Doesn't that make you happy?

Yes.

Of course.

Of course I'm happy.

L.-

uh...

I don't know how much you've heard

about this Vatican ll?

Not much,

just little things

I've heard here and there

from some of the others.

When I first came here...

When I first came to this convent,

i had nothing.

No home, no family, nothing.

The church is the only thing

that ever held me.

It gave me my work,

my community,

even my identity.

And now Vatican ll is trying

to invalidate all that, for all of us.

Saying none of it matters.

So, my question is,

what is it that really does

still matter?

Sister?

So much has changed

since we were postulants.

I know that

when I first had my vocation,

that it was real.

It was a real vocation.

Really, truly, his voice calling to me.

I just don't know sometimes

if that was what

he was really calling me for.

Maybe he wants something else for me.

Maybe he never meant for me

to be a nun at all...

Just wants me to be happy

and be good to others.

Or maybe not.

For your penance, I'd like you to say

three extra hail Marys at bedtime.

You can do it quickly if you'd like.

Sister cathleen.

Come to the center of the room, please.

You have any accusations

you'd like to share with us? Hmm?

Faufis?

- Do you hear me, sister?

- Yes.

I want to accuse myself.

I accuse myself of having feelings.

"Feelings"?

Feelings I'm not sure

I'm supposed to have.

Like wanting to be with another person

in a way that made me

feel...

Feel what?

Comforted.

Wanted.

Loved.

I wanted someone to touch me.

I wanted someone to make me feel

something more than god can give me.

More than god can give you?

What do you mean?

- Explain yourself.

- I don't know how to explain myself.

I'm accusing myself

of being intimate with someone.

- Intimate?

- With another sister.

Feeling love for her.

And I don't think it was a sin.

I don't think it was a sin.

Because it didn't feel like a sin.

It felt like I'm supposed to feel.

A particular friendship?

With someone in this room?

- Who?

-L'm not going to say, mother.

I did what you asked.

I made my confession.

Will you just give me my penance?

I want you to tell me exactly

what you did and with whom.

No, I did what you asked,

i made my accusation.

- Will you just give me my penance?

- Do you want your penance?

Yes, I want my penance.

Please just give me my penance.

You want your penance, cathleen?

Yes, I just want my penance.

Please just give me my penance.

You do? You want your penance?

Yes, I just want my penance.

I want my penance, please.

- Do you want your penance?

- Please, yes.

Please give it to me.

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