Novitiate Page #6

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I don't think you really understand

what this will do to us.

If we were to truly embrace

all these changes,

it will ruin the very institution

of catholic nuns as...

Are you still encouraging

all of your novitiates and postulants

to perform extreme acts

of penance on themselves?

All that old medieval stuff?

Because that's gotta stop.

I never asked my girls

to do anything for god

that I haven't done myself.

Like I said, gotta stop.

As for the rest

of Rome's recommendations,

I would just hope

that you can keep an open mind

and try to see things

as part of the larger context.

A theme of change, adaptation,

of spiritual evolution.

Do me a favor,

just open your mind a little bit.

Otherwise, I may have to "suggest"

that we find a replacement for you.

I never ever, ever thought

that I would say this,

but there are times where I question

whether or not god is even real.

And I know, I know that's so horrible,

but what scares me to think is,

what if he actually doesn't exist?

What if he's just something

that we all made up one day

and everybody started believing it?

Everything that we do for him

and what we put ourselves through,

to only live in his image, but...

But are we spreading any sort of love

in here or in the world,

or any kindness, or...

Or are we even getting to know god more?

And if it ever turned out

that god didn't really exist...

Then who would we all be doing this for?

Sister, you come in here week after week

with the same ridiculous confession

about your wavering spirituality.

Frankly, it's grown tiresome.

Your utter spiritual wretchedness.

So, for your penance,

I'm assigning you no penance.

Don't bother.

Excuse!

I just don't understand who she is

or what she's doing here.

Apparently, the socs

weren't strict enough for her.

I guess she came here

for all the extra self-punishment.

Really?

She really thinks she's that holy?

You can come in now.

What did you want to see me for?

I was wondering

if I could borrow the discipline?

Just for tonight, please?

Discipline?

What did you do?

If it's okay with you,

i would rather not say.

- It's not okay.

- No.

I can't just give it to you

without knowing

what you need it for first.

You know that.

Yeah, of course. I...

I broke grand silence twice this week.

And...

I was uncharitable to one of my sisters

when I didn't mean to be.

That's all.

That's what you want

to punish yourself for?

Honestly?

Yes.

Thank you, mother.

Excuse me, sister.

Your mother's here to see you.

What do you mean, why?

It's not visiting day.

It's okay. Reverend mother said

you can use the other door today.

Hi, my love.

Is there someplace we could talk?

I have something I have to tell you.

She already told me.

Yeah. So, I guess no one...

No one knew how sick he was,

and I know he wasn't the best father,

but I just...

I didn't want you to be alone.

Okay, I don't...

I came here to tell you your dad died,

and now you hear it from somebody else?

I don't understand what's going on.

I'm sorry you're upset, mom.

What the hell is going on here?

And why does it look like

you've lost a bunch of weight?

I really haven't lost

very much weight. I'm fine.

You have lost some weight, cathleen.

So, how much weight have you lost?

What's going on,

they don't feed you in here?

- You're not allowed to eat?

- No, I'm fine, okay?

- Let me look at you!

-L'm fine, okay?

- Let me look at you, cathleen.

-L'm sorry. I have to go.

Sorry to hear about dad.

I'll pray that god meets him

at his grace, okay?

- I really need to go.

- What do you mean, you have to go?

- Don't go yet.

- I need to leave, I'm sorry, mom.

I've been driving for three hours.

Stop! Stop, stop.

Cathleen? Cathleen!

I'd like to thank you

for stopping in, Mrs. Harris.

I don't think we've had the pleasure.

Just wanna know what's going on

with my daughter, that's all.

Going on with your daughter?

- In what way?

- Look, miss...

Mother.

- Excuse me?

-Lt's "mother." Or "reverend mother."

I'm not a "miss," or a "missus" either,

for that matter.

Lady, I am not calling you mother.

Mrs. Harris, I understand

you've had a loss in the family.

- And I would like to express...

- Save it.

You know, I haven't seen

my daughter in over six months.

And I came here today

to tell her about her dad,

and I barely recognize her.

She looks completely different,

like she's lost 20 pounds.

I wanna know

what you're doing to her in here.

What I'm doing?

You're talking about her body,

which is a superficial topic.

Are you blind?

Have you seen her lately?

She looks like she's dying.

Just, please, calm down.

I said, I wanna know

what's going on in here!

Honestly, Mrs. Harris,

with all due respect,

in a sense, you did bring

your daughter here to die.

You brought her here

to die to the outside world

and be born again in Christ's love.

It's a process.

She's simply going through it.

That's all.

For what it's worth,

I do understand how difficult it can be

for a parent to give their child to god.

And that's because

you have children of your own?

No, I don't,

but neither do you anymore.

Okay. Well...

Just so you know,

and with all due respect to you,

miss whatever the f***

you want to be called,

I didn't bring my daughter here.

I didn't bring her here at all.

But if I ever come here

and see her like this again,

I will take her out of here.

Are you all right, sister cathleen?

Reverend mother...

She asked me to check on you.

And we don't have to sign.

It's not grand silence yet.

They asked me to bring soup for you.

Thank you.

So you were at the socs, right?

What happened, you didn't like it there?

It's not that I didn't like it,

it's just...

I don't know, I just thought

being a rose would be better for me.

I thought it would be easier.

Isn't it so much stricter here?

Sometimes when things are stricter,

it makes them easier.

I wouldn't know.

All I ever wanted was to be a rose.

Seems to come so naturally to you.

Sometimes, I guess.

I just know that

I want god's love

and if being a good nun is what it takes

to deserve it, then...

I admire your devotion.

The passion you feel,

it seems real with you.

Isn't it with you, too?

Sister Emanuel?

Maybe it's a strange question, but...

Why'd you do it?

I mean, why did you starve yourself,

make yourself sick?

Did you do it for Christ?

I'm sorry, it's...

It's really not my place to ask.

You can turn around.

I thought I was doing it for Christ.

Or,

just to be a better nun,

but maybe I also thought that

if I made myself starve on the outside,

I wouldn't feel myself

starving as much on the inside.

What are you starving for?

I don't know.

"Let not your heart be troubled.

"You believe in god. Believe also in me.

"In my father's house,

there are many rooms.

"Were it not so,

-"i should have told you..."

- Will you please stop?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?

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