Now You Know

---

% % [Rock]

Come on, man.

Little steps. Little steps.

Come on, man.

You look like you're gonna cry. Come on.

All right.

I just want you to remember

one thing, pal.

Everybody here loves you, okay?

Do you have your shots?

[Chuckles]

[Men Cheering]

Hey.!

Hey, Jeremy!

[Man]

Come on, man. Come on. Everybody's here.

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Hey, dead man walkin'!

[Chattering]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Hey,J. Man, let me see those hands.

You scared?

What's up, Jer?

This is premium sh*t.

- Premium. Get a sip of that.

- [Man #2] Give me some, you drunk.

- Don't change.

- Hey, Jer. How you doing?

[Chattering]

[Laughing]

Jeremy, this is for us.

Kerri's not gonna see this.

- Oh, yes, she is.

- Don't do it, Jeremy.

Don't do it.

Jer, I gotta do it, my friend.

Sorry, buddy.

[Man Shouting] Are we ready

for the main event, gentlemen?

- Let's get it ready to rock!

- [Men Cheering]

Oh, come on, Jeremy.

"A" game here, pal.

Let's get it on!

This evening's entertainment.

Hey, ladies.

[All Cheering]

Yes.!

[Man #3]

Oh, man, that's the best you can do?

[Man]

Oh, yeah.

That's why we love you!

[Mouths Words]

I killed the hooker.

She's f***in' dead!

- [Record Needle Scratches]

- [Man #4] Oh, man, you gotta be kidding me.

Okay, she's not dead.

- She's just real sore.

- [Men] Ooh.!

Please. The only thing

that's sore on me is my ear.

Who's next?

How 'bout it, bachelor?

- Uh, no-no, thanks. Maybe next time.

- [Men Groaning]

- I'll go.

- [Man #3] That's gonna be

the longest 30 seconds of her life.

Hey, man, what are you doing?

You can't bring your fiance here.

Come on.

- Would you relax, man.

- I can't relax. I'm gonna tell them.

No. No.

Come on, man. Don't do it.

Look, you're gonna

ruin everyone's time.

"Ruin everyone's time"?

I'm not gonna tell them we're out of beer.

Oh, man. Jer...

[Grunts]

Just let it go.

% % [Rock Continues]

[Mutters]

- [Men Chattering, Laughing]

- % % [Ends]

% % [Rock Resumes]

Whoo.

[Chuckling]

[Slurring]

Look at you. I mean, you...

you-you look a nervous wreck.

You know what it is, don't you?

It is a sign.

Nerves are a sign

that somethin' ain't right.

You should heed the sign

so that you know...

and stop what it is you doin'.

[Belches]

[Belches]

Instincts.

An animal always relies

on his instincts.

You think a rabbit...

wanders into a dark cave

that he's never been in before?

Hell no! That's because

his instincts tell him that it's wrong.

He needs his instincts to survive.

He's always listening to them.

Jeremy...

if your instincts are telling you

this is wrong...

then by God,

get out of the dark cave, brother.

Stop the wed... wedding.

Well, my instincts are telling me

if I continue to stand here...

I'm gonna be scraping some

pretty nasty stuff off my shoes.

So I'm gonna listen to them.

Thanks.

- Oh, man.

- [Retching]

Nurse, get this guy a drink!

Get this guy a drink.

% % [Humming "Here Comes The Bride"]

- Right.

- % % [Humming "Here Comes The Bride"]

God, look at this sh*t.

This makes me sad.

I bet you've been getting horror stories

about married life, am I right?

- Yeah, I've gotten a few.

- Don't believe the hype, sir.

I incurred all that sh*t

back when I was getting married.

Everyone told me all sorts of bad things

about getting married.

None of those horror stories

happened to me.

I f***ing... I love being married.

I f***ing love it, dude!

My wife is my life. And you know

what the secret to marriage is?

- What's that?

- You get out of it what you put into it.

Exactly what you put into it.

If your life in marriage becomes some

sort of horrible Stephen King novel...

it is because you yourself

are Dolores Claiborne.

- That's cool.

- Guys have this weird thing about marriage.

They see it as this big f***ing commitment,

but that's just bullshit, man.

'Cause commitment, I always say,

is just a word. Okay?

Commitment is just a word.

By the time you're ready to get married...

you've already been

in a committed relationship for a while, right?

So at that point, marriage is just

a ceremony and a killer f***ing party...

and a change in your tax status,

that's right.

- Well, I guess you're right.

- Of course I'm f***ing right!

That's why I'm sharing this with you

'cause I know it's tough to find a commiserator

amongst all these knuckleheads.

No, I appreciate it.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

And let me tell you about one more thing

to ease your conscience... the bachelor party.

- Please.

- The bachelor party is kind of like

declaring martial law...

for married guys,

or about-to-be married guys.

So, what I'm saying,

is at that point...

all the rules and all the structures

get kicked to the f***ing curb, right?

So that means you relax,

you have a good time... a very good time.

- No worries, man. No worries.

- Yeah. All right.

- I love you. I love you to death.

- Thanks for coming.

- Okay.

- Who's next?

Uh, that'd be me.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Mmm!

Jeremy, I'm gonna get out of this

exactly what I put into it.

- You are tall, ain't you?

- [Laughing]

"Commitment is just a word."

Well, apparently.

Yeah. Then again,

we are under martial law.

You know what, Shane?

- Time for my announcement.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.

Why you so hell-bent on doing this?

Because... this is my bachelor party...

and my wedding has been canceled.

See what I'm getting at? Secondly, I don't

wanna hear any more stupid theories

on marriage from these clowns.

And lastly, to get this goddamn

bowling ball off my leg.

Mmm. Well, as far

as the bowling ball goes, it stays.

[Clears Throat]

We lost the keys.

And as far as the bullshit theories

on marriage go...

well, at least...

you can ignore them,

you can blow 'em off.

They don't mean anything to you.

If you go around telling everybody here...

that you got dumped, you're gonna have

to start hearing their theories on that.

[Jeremy]

I didn't get dumped.

Wait. No, don't...

don't get upset, all right?

What? What are you getting upset at? If anyone

has a reason to get upset, it should be me.

- Why should you be upset?

- Because...

you guys call off the wedding and I'm stuck

with airplane tickets to New Jersey.

I get one... one vacation a year, Jer...

and I gotta spend it in the land

of chicks with big hair?

And the Boss? I mean,

what kind of vacation is that?

Jer, listen.

This is a situation

that most guys would kill for...

a totally guilt-free bachelor party.

- How cool is that?

- Hey.

Time for the time-honored tradition...

the creaming of the breasts.

[Chuckles]

Hey!

[Laughs]

- All right, I'll go with it a little longer.

- Yes! Yes! That is more like it.

Just... what do you guys

do in Jersey for fun, anyway?

[Man]

You making love to that? Hmm?

Are you gonna drink that?

What are you doin'?

[Man #2]

Oh. Uh... Uh, I'm sorry. My bad, man.

I was just thinking.

[Sighs]

I tell ya, man. The more and more

I think about it...

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