Nymphomaniac: Vol. I Page #4

The devils interval.

It was banned from music

in the Middle Ages.

Well, the Vacuum Cleaner invented it.

She took piano lessons.

Vacuum Cleaner?

The Vacuum Cleaner possessed

a special talent for floppy c*cks.

She had some kind of vacuum

in her c*nt.

I was imagining something like that.

Fourteenth of the eighth.

I was at a place called The Donkey.

The boys were staring,

University hangout.

I approached the stupidest

one of the lot

and asked for directions

to the underground.

He studied literature.

I told him I read a lot,

and that I really admired people

that chose to study subjects

in depth.

As I said, he was very stupid.

Told me all about Kierkegaard.

I nodded, smiled.

Then he asked

if we could go elsewhere.

The idiot thought he'd pulled me

after five minutes of his bullshit.

I told him I was on my period,

and I took out his cock

and gave him a hand job.

Ugly, little shriveled cock,

with a tight foreskin.

When I pulled it back,

it sort of collapsed

but it worked in the end.

University boys are disgusting.

And then I jacked him off

until he shook

in that way they do, you know.

Just before they come.

Then I let go of his cock and got up.

I left him standing up against the wall

with his pants round his ankles

looking stunned.

Now, B's message wasn't

exactly representational.

She just had to be the tough one.

It was directed at the men.

It was about f***ing,

and about having the right to be horny.

We masturbated together,

that kind of thing.

But it was rebellious.

We weren't allowed

to have boyfriends.

No f***ing the same guy

more than once.

You said you were rebellious.

What did you rebel against?

Love.

Love?

We were committed to combat

the love-fixated society.

I really believed

in our Little Flock.

But of course,

that was naive of me.

Over time, even the strongest

couldn't stay true to our manifest.

Third of the fifth.

My third intercourse this week,

- again with Alex.

- Third?

Haven't we stated that

we f*** each guy once?

Yes, but he was rather sweet.

Sweet?

- Well, you know, sexy.

- Well, then, say sexy.

He squeezed my earlobes.

Earlobes? Great.

What else did he squeeze?

I don't think

you can understand Alex.

I don't want to.

- Our relationship--

- Relationship.

There you are.

The way you're describing it,

which should be full of lust,

is just a nauseating analysis

of his future abilities

as a father to your child.

You think you know

everything about sex.

The secret ingredient

to sex is love.

For me, love was just lust

with jealousy added.

Everything else was total nonsense.

For every 100 crimes committed

in the name of love,

only one is committed

in the name of sex.

That's quite a statement.

Well, it all strengthened my

wish for a serious education.

Glasgow.

Aberdeen.

Why are you smiling?

Well, I just pictured

how an education would be

conveyed in your storytelling.

Well, that's nothing to smile about.

Oh, I understand that.

So what kind of education

did you get?

I began studying medicine,

like my father.

Today we are going to perform the

procedure that's called an abortion.

We open up our cervical channel

to enter the uterus,

and to get access to the fetus,

for which we use

the so-called Hegal sticks.

We enter the vagina tract,

and go into the cervical channel.

We start with a small sized stick

to cause a minimum of damage

to the tissue.

And then we increase

the size of the stick.

But it was harder and

harder for me to concentrate,

so I studied less and less,

till finally I dropped out.

My dad was very disappointed

when I stopped.

But it was the only time

I saw my mother really smile

when she said,

"What did I tell you?"

So instead, I began

to look for a job.

It turned out

it was hard to get a job

that paid even halfway decently.

I didn't really know

how to do anything.

So I didn't have high hopes

when I applied for a position

as an assistant

at a printing house.

So, could you tell me

a little bit more

about your background?

Um...

- Education-wise.

- Oh.

Well, I finished high school,

and decided to study medicine.

But I didn't finish.

I know it sounds a bit

pointless coming here.

- Right.

- I just really need a job.

And I've tried everywhere.

I don't usually give jobs to people

just because they need one.

What about secretarial skills?

Do you have any of those?

No, I didn't think

you needed skills.

You didn't think you needed

skills for this position

- as a secretary?

- No.

Can you open an envelope?

Yes, I... Yes, I think

I can open an envelope.

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

I shall discuss this conversation

with Mr. Jerome, my boss.

Do you think

there's a chance?

- I doubt it.

- Oh.

Well, apparently,

having absolutely no experience

is absolutely fine for this job.

You've got it.

Does that mean

I should start tomorrow?

Yeah, I suppose it does.

- Good morning.

- Right.

Yes?

- Good morning, sir.

- Good morning.

I just wanted to introduce you

to our new junior secretary.

Joe? I believe you wanted

to explain her work duties.

- Hi.

- This is the new junior secretary.

Liz, can I have another coffee?

- Yes, of course, sir.

- Thank you.

Hi.

- Jerome.

- Your first love.

I bet you didn't think I'd make

something of myself, right?

And now, here I sit.

The director's chair

of M & J Morris, Ltd.

- Yeah, it's quite surprising.

- Surprising?

It's a sign from God.

You know, I've thought

about you often since then.

Have you thought of me?

- Well...

- What?

Usually, you know,

my uncle sits here.

But he's developed a bit

of a tummy problem,

so he's at the spa,

taking long baths,

drinking lots of water, poor guy.

And no one knows for how long.

So now I'm the "J"

in M & J Morris, Ltd.

How about that?

We print cards and envelopes,

nonsense like that.

It's a bloody complicated

business, you know.

I don't understand a word of it.

Come, I'll show you around. Yes?

- Ladies?

- Yes, sir.

Oh, look, there you are.

Good job.

Every time you do a good job,

I say, "Good job, Liz."

- Thank you, sir.

- What's her name?

- Liz.

- Good job, Liz.

- Good job, Liz.

- Good job, Liz.

It stopped.

F***.

Yes.

- Well, isn't there an alarm?

- Which?

- Isn't there...

- Alarm, right, yes.

Good thinking.

Imagine...

you look just as great

all these years later.

Oh, no.

- No.

- No?

No, Jerome, this won't work.

- Which won't work?

- This.

Why not?

You're not really my type.

That's how it's gonna be?

- Yes.

- All right.

F***'s sake.

Okay.

Um...

Give me your hand.

We'll do fireman's grip.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Why didn't you

have sex with him?

You must have had sex

in a lift before.

I'm not quite sure.

I've shagged lots of idiots.

Including worse idiots than him.

Of course, I...

I regretted that it had

been him back then.

But that's just sentimental drivel.

And I'm not sentimental.

I suppose he fired you then.

No. If he had fired me,

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